Friends, Please Help!

Hello all!

i am (as my name suggests) a sub new to the lifestyle. i have not had any real life experiences yet, but i do have an online Master who is teaching me about the life. However, i find that i am so overwhelmed with my desires for Him and for the pleasures that i recieve with Him that i can't even concentrate on my life before (University and schoolwork, other friends and my housemates, even sleep and waking hours). i've become addicted, reading literature when he is not available, or watching movies, or just daydreaming, and i am worried for my grades and to some extent my sanity.

Please help me! How do i learn to balance vanilla and BDSM life?

As with any new and wonderful thing that comes into your life, moderation is key - as much as you would like to get it all in at once, what fun would that be? lol

I would talk to my Master about it and maybe he could put you on some kind of discipline schedule to keep you on track?

At the end of the day, BDSM will always be here - getting good grades (great grades even) truly is far more permanent and valued in the long run ;)

Maybe you could think of it in terms of - once you have finished an assignment, paper, test you can reward yourself with 'x' amount of hours studying BDSM?

Just some thoughts *s* good luck :)

mastersgem made some good points already. I do have a few to add though.

I've engaged in some activities/interests over an extended period of time, even to the point that some people close to me would tell me that I shouldn't make those interests my life. They should simply be a part of my life because those interests are a part of me. I am not the interest itself.

Having said that, and having heard it myself, I do find it incredibly difficult to separate these interests from my life. In many respects, those interests are a significant part of who I am, so going cold turkey is not something that is either possible or desirable. Nonetheless, I have developed a few other interests, BDSM/s&m being one of them, and am trying to explore other facets of my life now. It has been difficult for me to let go of the other stuff, but I did come to a realization that, although I put a great deal of time and effort into those other endeavors, there really isn't much else I can do for myself personally, and only limited capacity for what I can do for other people, along those particular interests. Now it is time to explore other interests, and I am doing so slowly but with determination. It's taken me about 11 years to get to that point, but I am comfortable with where I am now. If you do learn to balance your life better, it will take a great deal of time and thought to figure out how best to manage it, but when you do so if you feel you need to do so (I did not with my other interest until maybe the last year or two), you will be a much better person as a result.

Life is a marathon, not a 100 meter dash. Take your time, find your way, and explore every avenue you wish to explore at your own pace. There is nothing wrong with going "all in" on certain aspects of your life, but give yourself a chance to step back and reflect at some point, and assess for yourself if thats really what you want to do. From your post, it sounds like maybe you are not ready to go "all in" on this endeavor even if you really want to. Thats okay. Once you come to that realization, then you can begin to assess what you want to do about it.

Like mastersgem, I'd recommend you talk this over with your Master. Your Master might also have some good ideas to help restore some balance to your life. Ultimately, though, its up to you to implement those ideas if they make sense to you to do so.

Good luck. :)

Thank you both so much! I am grateful to this website for things like this...i guess it is just hard to stop doing something that you love...

I think Gem has a wonderful suggestion with speaking with your Master about your difficulties. A discipline schedule would be of great help to you i think. That comes from personal experience, by the way. When i first began researching the lifestyle, i found it TERRIBLY difficult to pull myself away, lol. It's hard to do when you finally find other people that feel like you do and that you can talk to about your kinks and feelings.

Unfortunately, real life is still there and doesn't go away. If you cannot find a balance, it tends to remind you that it is still there in a dramatic and usually unpleasant kinda way. Good luck. i'm sure everything will work out for you.

Newslave. You sound like you're in love. I think you need to hang out with really boring people to solve this. Play Bingo. Do your tax returns. In time... a very long time... memories of pleasure will be purged and your mind will yet again be filled with the boring drudgery of everyday life.

I wouldn't say you have a problem. I envy you... bah... no I don't. I have the same at home.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TomOfSweden

Newslave. You sound like you're in love. I think you need to hang out with really boring people to solve this. Play Bingo. Do your tax returns. In time... a very long time... memories of pleasure will be purged and your mind will yet again be filled with the boring drudgery of everyday life.

I wouldn't say you have a problem. I envy you... bah... no I don't. I have the same at home.

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Can I first say how much this post made me laugh...
Ah, I want nothing less than the boring drudgery of everyday life, but, I do agree that I've fallen in love. And, having this, I know that it will not be any challenge to find boring things to do...
Thanks for this and all the other posts - you all are amazing!

The same thing is happening to me too now that an ol Mistress found me to play with its hard to think of anything else..besides checking my email and messages feels like 50 times a day..lol, Wow what a rush.. But I told my Mistresss how i feel and she has tuned it down(sort of speak) till i can get my thoughts together. and be less scrambled... So talking it out would be my suggestion to this problem...mikkey sub

What a delightful opportunity for your Master to discipline you with your own desire! This is the head space as a Dom I love to play in, I'm sure your master would agree...I agree with Gem get him involved, finished homework and good grades equal some quality BDSM time, on the other hand, not following through with these commitments leaves you adrift in 'nilla land! WEG heh heh heh

I agree with mastersgem. I know that sometimes I also have a lot of trouble concentrating on my schoolwork at times. But if I give myself small rewards, it keeps me focused on my work and then I get to have a little fun.
It is even better when my Master makes me do it. :)

I am going through something similar myself. Actually, I had just posted a similar question before reading yours. For me, I think I am addicted, and other things in life hold no interest for me. This is a major struggle for me. I'm glad you posted your question. Good luck!