Could you have sex every day for a year?

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07-12-2008
AdrianaAurora

Could you have sex every day for a year?

I just cant get this article out of my head: Could you make love to your husband every day for a year?

At first it made me laugh, but then it made me start to wonder. In short, to revive their sex life, a woman has given her husband an unforgettable 40th birthday present - sex with her every day for a year!
They had just fallen out of doing it. It almost makes me want to go- huh?, with incredulity. Apparently there is a whole subculture of women who have made a sort of a hobby out of avoiding to have sex with their husbands. How do you get to that point? Something like that never even occurred to me prior to reading this. Do BDSM couples have more sex or am I just an undiagnosed nympho?
I was also left a bit miffed because there seemed to be two underlying messages, first its implied that women who have sex with their husbands are slutty, then she behaves like she had discovered hot water - sex creates intimacy and bond between couples.
More than a few times when my husband and I had dinner with vanilla couples and after the men gravitated away pursuing their manly pursuits I was confronted with scowling disapproval and hissed comments from other wifes that I have no idea what marriage is. I have been married for six years and while I don't pretend to be on the same footing as people who have been married 20-30 years, I think I get a thing or two, thank you very much. What was grating them is that I never joined in with their bitching against their husbands, I never made fun of him, never fought with him in front of them or was generally disrespectful in any way. The thing is, my husband doesn't irritate me. Sure, he has habits that I find annoying or don't understand, but so what, why should I ruin his fun? I always figured that I am just more laid back about certain things or that we talk more. But now I wonder if their bickering is the symptom of the lack of sexual intimacy?
What is your stand on this? How often do you play and/or have sex? Has it changed with years/did you "just fall out of doing it" or how did you kept the sparkle? (comments from very long term couples especially welcome)
07-12-2008
DowntownAmber

My parents have been married for almost 33 years, and my mother could have just as easily written your post. She and my father have thier issues, but she considers it highly out of line to bitch about him or make fun or be disrespectful around others. She considers her relationship with him to be just that, with HIM, not with a bunch of cackling hens who mock thier partners to cover up real intimacy and satisfaction issues.

She and my father are also still quite sexual (all my siblings know never to show up to visit in the mornings and forget about seeing them for a few days if they've been apart from each other for awhile). And yes, they're a BDSM couple as well. I can't really give you more details on that aspect of things, I simply know because they have a toy box that makes even the adult store's stock seem anemic. I can only hope I am as delightfully kinky in 30 more years...lol.
07-12-2008
Dea Menrfa

Fabulous thread!

I have been married 13 years. In the past, I have put all else above sex with my hubby; taking care of children, making money, schedules, problems... it all is a huge drain on a person's energy. My belief is that while marriages in most cases, are begun with love and the dream of happily ever after... life bogs us down and we take care of life's details before we take care of ourselves. If we don't have energy to take care of ourselves, how can we even think about taking care of our spouses?

My marriage is a choice I made... out of love, but also a conscious choice. My husband will always come first... luckily.. as far as BDSM... he allows me to explore what I am interested in... I do not break our vows, and I am honest with him. We are currently having the best sex of our lives... at every opportunity.

I think that people in the BDSM community are more focused on either the sexual dynamic, or the interpersonal power exchange that occurs. These types of people are not the people who allow the business of life to get in the way of their relationships or sexual drive.

I have also learned in my marriage, that it is best for ME when I lift up my hubby to others... praise his dedication to our marriage, boast about his hard work ethic, and his drive to care for this family above all else.

It says a lot about you, as a person Adriana, that you do not talk down to anyone about your hubby.

I think we are the lucky ones... :)
07-13-2008
fetishdj

Not every day but usually every other day... and twice at weekends... :)

There is a culture among some women who seek to avoid sex, going with the Victorian concept of 'endure rather than enjoy' (lie back and think of England) and these women have the idea in thier heads somehow that sex is all for the man and no pleasure for them. Clearly these women have never had it properly... :)

In my experience, women usually want it more than men and get great pleasure from doing it. The concept of a woman who enjoys sex being a slut is an old one which is unfortunately still out there refusing to die. I say lets make sure it dies as soon as possible...
07-14-2008
Logic1

Sure we could have sex every day for a year. Cant really say that I am in the mood every day but every other is good enough for me. Kinda hard to keep up with that when she works nights though but :p.
A woman who enjoys sex > a woman who doesnt like sex for sure :)

That birthdaygift doesnt sound too bad ;) but on the other hand, why should she feel that she should "give" him that? Is it some kind of "sacrifice" she gives him or what?
07-14-2008
TomOfSweden

I couldn't imagine a day without sex. ...and as I've aged I've calmed down plenty.
07-14-2008
fetishdj

I think we may all have to breath in extra hard so we can fit Tom's ego in here with us :) Seriously, I do know what you mean. I may not have sex every day (my stamina is nothing on yours, clearly) but there has rarely been a time when I did not have it available if I wanted it - and that usually due to medical reasons.

Yes, the idea that women can give or take sex from the man at a whim is a strange one for me. Ok, its a common theme of the Femdom lifestyle, when it is part of the fun and usually the Domme is getting her fix somehow (either another man/woman or simply forcing the sub to give her oral whenever she feels like it) but in a normal vanilla relationship? As stated, if it is done right, it should be fun for all involved and therefore not a gift to be given but a gift to be mutually enjoyed.

Maybe most of us on here are from a strange and freaky cult of perverted people who enjoy sex?
Oh, hang on, I just realised... we ARE all members of a strange and freaky cult of perverts who enjoy sex... and whips... and clamps... and cross dressing... and... Hmmmm, you know, maybe we aren't a reasonable demographic of the average population? :)

As an aside on this... possibly a personal question for some of the ladies so don't feel that you have to answer... How many of the women here feel that they cannot have sex during that 'special time of the month'? How many feel so incredibly horny that you *have* to have it at all costs? And how many of the men out there find their penises faint at the sight of blood? Just curious to get a quick poll as I have heard tales of all the above.
07-14-2008
TomOfSweden

I think it may be a question of how I define sex. I was using the my-orgasm-release-together-with-my-wife measurement. I'd hardly call that some extreme feat of stamina. he he. She doesn't have orgasms every day, though, so the measurement does limp somewhat. But I do my best.

I would actually call most things we do together as sex on some level....because it makes me very horny. So... we're basically horny for each other all the time. Which I can't imagine is all that strange for a couple to feel about each other. I did marry her for a reason.

Anyway... yeah. Sex is nice.
07-14-2008
gemmy

Quote:

Originally Posted by TomOfSweden

I think it may be a question of how I define sex. I was using the my-orgasm-release-together-with-my-wife measurement. I'd hardly call that some extreme feat of stamina. he he. She doesn't have orgasms every day, though, so the measurement does limp somewhat. But I do my best.

I would actually call most things we do together as sex on some level....because it makes me very horny. So... we're basically horny for each other all the time. Which I can't imagine is all that strange for a couple to feel about each other. I did marry her for a reason.

Anyway... yeah. Sex is nice.

Two things to Tom's favor - first, damn I wish I could once meet a man who wanted to have sex everyday and everywhere haha! Most of my relationships have failed and mostly because of sex (I wanted lots and varied; they didn't) :(

I'm not the kind of gurl who wants the "lay still and think of England" kind of relationship and yet that's what all my relationships turn into. I'm hoping that a BDSM relationship will be different in that regard and show me that I'm not highly oversexed or unusual in my want of plenty of sex

Also, sex is on so many levels in our day to day life, it's really too bad that most people miss the smaller nuances of it ;)
07-14-2008
AdrianaAurora

Quote:

Originally Posted by fetishdj

As an aside on this... possibly a personal question for some of the ladies so don't feel that you have to answer... How many of the women here feel that they cannot have sex during that 'special time of the month'? How many feel so incredibly horny that you *have* to have it at all costs? And how many of the men out there find their penises faint at the sight of blood? Just curious to get a quick poll as I have heard tales of all the above.

Well we have sex about five days a week, sometimes more. And I want it as much as Him, it certainly never felt like a sacrifice. My friends always bitch about how boring their sex is, how they don't feel like it and orgasms are rare, I always orgasm and have no qualms about initiating sex myself, so while that makes me feel lucky it also made me wonder if there is something abnormal about me, lol. Then again normal is way overrated, lol.

I was always taught that sex during menstruation is dirty, unsanitary and that men are repulsed by that, so with all my other boyfriends it was a definite no no. My husband changed that, it doesn't bother him and it even turns him on. It doesn't even stop him from going down on me. My period is no longer a barrier for having sex, but it depends from month to month. Usually my libido goes slightly up and some months I am horny like a little rabbit, but every now and then its so painful that I have no desire at all.

p.s. I think Tom's wife would agree that his ego/brain is part of his charm. And it would be boring to discuss things only with people who agree with us and don't challenge our thoughts.
07-14-2008
TomOfSweden

Quote:

Originally Posted by mastersgem

Two things to Tom's favor - first, damn I wish I could once meet a man who wanted to have sex everyday and everywhere haha! Most of my relationships have failed and mostly because of sex (I wanted lots and varied; they didn't) :(

I'm not the kind of gurl who wants the "lay still and think of England" kind of relationship and yet that's what all my relationships turn into. I'm hoping that a BDSM relationship will be different in that regard and show me that I'm not highly oversexed or unusual in my want of plenty of sex

Also, sex is on so many levels in our day to day life, it's really too bad that most people miss the smaller nuances of it ;)

I've had relationships that have turned into that as well. I'm really touchy about having my fetishes rejected. It's not rational in any way. If my perverted advances get rejected, (by the woman I love) I feel rejected in a way that's way over-exaggerated. No matter how much I understand it... it's simply they way I work. Since I haven't been able to change this I've simply had to deal with it. Relationships with women who aren't always game for sex... I've ended and moved on. I've lost a few great women like that. But it would have been pure torture for my soul to keep them going. What it did was basically kill my desire to have sex with them... while at the same time penting up my horniness to a level where I'd have sex with anything moving that vaguely resembled a humanoid. That is not a healthy mental place to be. Sure, we had sex anyway... but it was the kind of sex you have with somebody to fill a quota. I'm sure it sucked as much for them as for me.

What I've done to avoid this happening is to be very very clear on what I want and what I expect. Because I'm so touchy about this... and it is really a handicap for me... I'm very well aware that it puts stress on my partner .... so I do plenty of things to compensate.

But I don't think she thinks its that much of a problem ;) She seems really happy about all my twisted perversions.
07-15-2008
fetishdj

Quote:

Originally Posted by AdrianaAurora

Well we have sex about five days a week, sometimes more. And I want it as much as Him, it certainly never felt like a sacrifice. My friends always bitch about how boring their sex is, how they don't feel like it and orgasms are rare, I always orgasm and have no qualms about initiating sex myself, so while that makes me feel lucky it also made me wonder if there is something abnormal about me, lol. Then again normal is way overrated, lol.

I think this is a telling point... you always orgasm and so enjoy sex, your friends rarely do and so don't. I think it indicates more that there is something wrong in the way your friends are having sex. A lot of women's lack of enjoyment comes from lack of lubrication before penetration i.e. more foreplay is needed. The rest seems to come from non completion of orgasm because men are, at base, selfish bastards. If more women had good sex then more would want it I feel... clearly you, me and Tom are lucky in that regard as are (I suspect) many people on this site.

Quote:

I was always taught that sex during menstruation is dirty, unsanitary and that men are repulsed by that, so with all my other boyfriends it was a definite no no. My husband changed that, it doesn't bother him and it even turns him on. It doesn't even stop him from going down on me. My period is no longer a barrier for having sex, but it depends from month to month. Usually my libido goes slightly up and some months I am horny like a little rabbit, but every now and then its so painful that I have no desire at all.

I had a theory that some women got really horny because of the fact they felt they could not have sex and so wanted it more. Though I suspect hjormones are involved (as per usual) to a large extent.

I think a lot of people (not just women) see the period as 'dirty' which is a shame. In my experience, it has rarely been a barrier other than the thought that it requires more cleaning up afterwards :)

Quote:

p.s. I think Tom's wife would agree that his ego/brain is part of his charm. And it would be boring to discuss things only with people who agree with us and don't challenge our thoughts.

Of course Tom's ego is a good thing. I would not say otherwise. I was (jokingly) referring to his claims of sexual prowess not for any disagreement with me. And yes, disagreement is a good thing as it keeps us all honest in debate.

Speaking of which: I understand what you mean by your definition of sex. If that is your definition of sex (and I was defining it as both of you orgasm to total satisfaction following penetration and that can sometimes take hours) then indeed I can do it as many times as needed :)