Lunatic Fringe

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08-26-2008
Flaming_Redhead

Lunatic Fringe

I had a dream last night where I was trying to explain to my family (mother, step-dad, sister, brother-in-law) the current relationship dynamic I'm involved in. It didn't go over well. Lately, I've been very reluctant to discuss anything about it with any of my friends because, based on their reactions to my previous D/s relationship, I feel that I would be criticized. If I'm honest with myself, I'm a little worried about what I'm doing, so how can I expect anyone else to be accepting?

"What's the big deal?" you're wondering. Well, I'm entertaining the idea of being a 24/7 slave. Actually, I'm doing a little more than just thinking about it. No concrete plans have been formed, yet, but....my mind is already made up. I realize that M/s relationships are on the edge of the leather community. They are regarded as extreme even by alternative lifestylers. My insecurity lies in the fear of becoming like "O" who, after all the depravity she submitted to for the love of Sir Stephen, was eventually abandoned. However, I won't have the luxury of asking to be put to death if that day should come. I love my Master and do not fear him, but after the failure of a 10-year marriage, I don't think I'll ever be 100% sure of anything in my life ever again.

I know my insecurity is mine to deal with. I just don't know how to deal with this sense of isolation from friends and family. I'm usually such an open book and don't like to keep everything secret. I have some friends in the lifestyle that I get to see every now and then at the dungeon, but they aren't my close friends whom I've known forever. I feel like there's now a chasm between us that I dare not cross.

Lunatic fringe, I know you're out there. You're in hiding...
08-26-2008
denuseri

Oh boo, hugggggs and kissess

we are all here for ya sis, you shouldnt isolate yourself, 24/7 certianly doesnt have to be living in a cage in the basement in between being used to please your owner

and if it does then you diffently need others to know whats up and help make a saftey net for you, just in case

i am 24/7 under my owners disipline, yet i have a normal life for the most part, i would never even consider the more hard core version of 24/7 again (my one time doiing that was a disaster that nearly killed me) 24/7 doesnt need to mean giving up your life, it can be as normal as simply moving in together

if you moved in with a vanilla guy would you loose all your old friends sis?
08-26-2008
sisterhoney61 {RW}

I agree with denu on this. I'm 24/7 and I still have my normal life. I've been isolated, where I had no friends and where I didn't have my family to turn to, where I was almost under lock and key at all times. And that was in a vanilla marriage of 10 years. And even though I am 24/7 only a few people know that I am in the lifestyle. But then again I'm a private person and others only know what I want them to know. Is it absolutely necessary for your well-being that others know how you are lviing your life? Do you feel that if your friends and family don't know that you are living a lie and not being true to yourself?
08-26-2008
Flaming_Redhead

*hugs n kisses*

My life will be pretty "normal." It's just that I'm not accustomed to having to keep things to myself. It's self-imposed isolation, I guess. The dream was very realistic with my sister saying, "Are you listening to yourself?!" It sounds like something she would say. In real life, I've had 2 friends who made comments to the effect of "you're a grown woman and can do whatever you want; you don't have to listen to him; that type of relationship isn't healthy." They're quite used to me being a fruit loop, so it was a bit disappointing to hear their judgmental comments and feminist propaganda.
08-26-2008
Flaming_Redhead

Quote:

Originally Posted by sisterhoney61 {RW}

Is it absolutely necessary for your well-being that others know how you are lviing your life? Do you feel that if your friends and family don't know that you are living a lie and not being true to yourself?

Not so much my family since we don't have the type of relationship for sharing, but my closest friends know everything about me. I know everything about them, too. It just surprised me that swingers and kinksters would have a negative attitude about what I'm doing. I find it a little unfair that I've been accepting of their choices but unable to discuss my own without negativity. Hence, we haven't been talking very much because I hate feeling as if I have to hold back to keep the peace whereas I've always been able to be open and honest before.
08-26-2008
sisterhoney61 {RW}

Yeah, that makes perfect sense. I belong to a women's online forum and there are message boards dealing with sex on the forum. People on one particular board discuss what they consider to be "kinky" sex, which actually is only anal sex and threesomes. And here I come onto the board posting about the animal play and age play that Master and I participate in, and the floggings and Him using my hair as a leash in public (my public collar doesn't have any O-rings on it). And these people on this forum are all assuming that I am being abused, that I'm a doormat, that I'm setting back women's lib 50 years, etc. And these are perfect strangers, women whom I will never meet in person.

I have no problem keeping things to myself. It was the way I was raised. But since you are an open book to others, I can understand just how difficult dealing with others about this will be for you. I wish I had some answers for you in how to deal with your family and friends about this!
08-26-2008
denuseri

i personally have never breathed a word of my bedroom life to my familey or co-workers, at least not the ones at my day job,, (the girls at the club are a little more open minded) but my family also has never breathed a word of the sex lives to me eaither

Red you know we luv ya boo, it sounds like self doubt to me that or self preservation, just what kind of 24/7 arrangement are we talking about here?
08-26-2008
Hime

I don't think I could do 24/7 myself, but I have friends in hardcore 24/7 relationships who absolutely love it and seem really fulfilled as people by it. If this is what's right for you, totally go for it, and you know that we'll be there for you no matter what happens. :)

Maybe you could use the internet to find more supportive lifestyle friends in your area?
08-26-2008
sisterhoney61 {RW}

Some of my former co-workers knew that I was in the lifestyle, but that was mostly because they noticed my collar and asked questions. They didn't know the activities that Master and I did, but they knew that I was in the lifestyle. I recently told my best friend, because she was thinking about entering the lifestyle, and this is a woman whom I have known for over 25 years. As for my family, my sex life is none of their business.
08-27-2008
Flaming_Redhead

Quote:

Originally Posted by denuseri

Red you know we luv ya boo, it sounds like self doubt to me that or self preservation, just what kind of 24/7 arrangement are we talking about here?

It's a little self-doubt. We're talking about a '50s type household where I'll be a domestic goddess. *ggls* If y'all only knew how funny that is! At least Daddy has confidence in me.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hime

Maybe you could use the internet to find more supportive lifestyle friends in your area?

When I move down there, I intend to find some local lifestyle friends, like denuseri. *smiles*
08-27-2008
thepast

Reds,

I have struggled with how much information to give to different people over the course of T & my's relationship. Would I describe myself as 24/7? Yes. Would others? Eh, who knows. But the thing is, 24/7 is what you make it--it is different for everyone. My point is that you shouldn't be dissuaded by "fables" or fictional accounts of what 24/7 is. You will have to try it, "play with it" a bit, have good communication with your Owner, and adapt it to fit your lifestyle.

Knowing you (just a little bit), I doubt you will be a wallflower type of slave. And you know what? Most slaves aren't. The 24/7s I've met are absolutely fantastic folks--dynamic, personable... and MOST have jobs/lives outside the home. Why? Because that's the reality of today's society. And if they aren't working outside the house, they have some sort of hobby that takes them into another social group outside of Lifestyle. That is EXTREMELY healthy & you should do your best to make sure you have that type of outlet as a 24/7. Why? Because without it, you'll go stir crazy, you will lose perspective.

Imagine this. Your Owner's been at work all day, comes home exhausted & just wants to rest. You on the other hand have been home all day, with your mind constantly wandering to sex. So when your Owner comes home, you want that fantasy 24/7 sexual dynamic... reality is this. It isn't going to happen. 24/7 is exactly that--ALL the time. You will ebb & flow with "how much play" you do, but always an undercurrent with you and your Owner will be the D/s dynmaic. Just something to remember...

But getting back to the main subject (and cutting off my babbling), how much you tell people is up to you. You guys here know about T & I, but you don't know who we are or where we actually live. That's a safety thing for the both of us--esp. with the high powered r/l we have individually. My r/l friends, family & social circle basically know nothing about T's & my M/s dynamic. Why? Because it would make them uncomfortable. I am perfecly comfortable in sharing, but sometimes you have to protect other people against themselves & their biases. Just use a little common sense... there may end up being a "good time" to talk to a close relative about it, but the family BBQ probably isn't the time. T & I just roll with the flow--if someone sort of knows, or inquires, we'll tell them. And we CERTAINLY don't hide it... but neither do we flaunt it... Again, all personal choices.

You have to feel comfortable with yourself & your choice. Yes, loved ones all have opinions that matter to us. But at the end of the day, it is your life & you have to live with it & be happy...

Enough of my babble...

Good luck!

d
08-28-2008
Flaming_Redhead

Quote:

Originally Posted by delia

My point is that you shouldn't be dissuaded by "fables" or fictional accounts of what 24/7 is. You will have to try it, "play with it" a bit, have good communication with your Owner, and adapt it to fit your lifestyle.

This is true. I'm actually pretty excited about it, but I keep having visions of trying to cook.....:eek:

Quote:

Originally Posted by delia

Knowing you (just a little bit), I doubt you will be a wallflower type of slave.

:d

Quote:

Originally Posted by delia

... and MOST have jobs/lives outside the home. Why? Because that's the reality of today's society. And if they aren't working outside the house, they have some sort of hobby that takes them into another social group outside of Lifestyle. That is EXTREMELY healthy & you should do your best to make sure you have that type of outlet as a 24/7. Why? Because without it, you'll go stir crazy, you will lose perspective.

We're trying to decide whether or not I'm going to work. Daddy says there's plenty to keep me busy around the house, but he's afraid I'll need "something else." I guess we'll just have to see....

Quote:

Originally Posted by delia

Imagine this. Your Owner's been at work all day, comes home exhausted & just wants to rest. You on the other hand have been home all day, with your mind constantly wandering to sex.

Umm...how do you know what I think about all day? Oh, wait, see quote above. :hubba:

Quote:

Originally Posted by delia

I am perfecly comfortable in sharing, but sometimes you have to protect other people against themselves & their biases.

I see it more as protecting myself since, frankly, I don't want to hear their crap. *lol*

Quote:

Originally Posted by delia

Just use a little common sense... there may end up being a "good time" to talk to a close relative about it, but the family BBQ probably isn't the time.

Uhhh...yeah....not unless anyone knows the Heimlich maneuver. *ggls*