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I was talking to a friend tonight and she told me about getting an unsolicited offer from a Dominant wanting her to be his sub. She did not accept his offer.
A newbie to BDSM, she's only had one online experience. She is curious though and was wondering what other online doms do. How they talk to their sub; what they tell them to do and so on.
So, please tell us here, Dom/mes. How do you do that voodoo that you do so well?
Unsolicited. That sounds strange and desperate... definitely newbie.
Your friend needs to establish a relationship with someone before submitting to them. They should have a connection. I do not solicit for subs. They normally ask me if they may serve, because they know me as a person and would feel comfortable submitting to me.
There are a lot of dangerous people who call themselves doms.
My perspective is that the Dom/me or Master/Mistress earns their title, and the sub earns the right to use that title in his/her service.
The relationship between D/s is built based on the interests of both parties. Blind service is never good, and could put your friend in danger. Online relationships are sometimes a first model for the way she/he will allow himself/herself to be treated in real life. Tell your friend to take care, educate herself, and make wise choices.
I couldnt say it any better Dea.
But what about simple cybersex?
I dont soliciate for dom/dommes myself for "play purposes" or otherwise at least not vulgarly at best i indirectly "entice", yet as we both are aware of this doesnt mean i dont get requested to fill in as a temp for many dominants in between subs. lol
I have had plenty of experience (cough) (then blushes) as most older members that frequented the chatroom may recall, with the whole cyber experience.
It can have its moments, even be downright delisiously delightful. I have never been any one online doms sub, alltough i have cybersexed a whole bunch of them(you will never see intials behind my name in here), I am owned in real life buy my husband Kuskovian. His collar on my neck while i sit here typing is more than enough a reminder of my our mutual devotion. He fully supports these activities on my part. I sure couldnt do it if he didn't and if you cant stand not knowing what our reasons are just pm us, we will tell you, just not in a public venue.
Now i can see all sorts of people reading this making faces and saying "what a slut" or "how could he let her do that etc" heck ive had worse said to my face in chat by some.
But truth be told, nothing is going to threaten our relationship, especially typing on a keyboard. Two people interating via the internet is a far cry from physical contact plain and simple (truth be told we dont see on line as anything other than interactive masturbation as far as role playing goes) and yet..........
In addition to deeply personal reasons for me to engadge in such activities that those of my friends that truely know me allready understand, I dont "play" to nessesarally just have fun so much as other more theraputic ventures.
If anything half the doms I have been with using this "carrot and stick" approach as my owner calls it, end up learning alot about just how to go about the art of domination during thier time with me, and i learn much from them as well (even some "Trolls" have been reformed), i am not tooting my horn so much as pointing out that practice helps, and online practice is one way as Dea mentioned to test the waters safely for people new to bdsm as well as learn what its all about.
practice between only new doms and or new subs, or one dom only doesnt pass along the same set of information and may severly end up limiting ones perspectives, especially for the brand spanking new submissive that doesnt know she can say "no" and ends up being manipulated into a narrow minded "i have to be his doormat" mentality,
Which is why i allways advise brand new girls to avoid dom/dommes on line that want to limit thier access to information, including "on-line play" to thier own exclusive needs.
Only allowing the submissive "One" perspective in an attempt to control or manipulate thier fish into the boat so to speak really shows a dominants insecurity in thier own skills sets and confidence level.
. Heck i even saw one girl that was so restricted she couldnt be online more than five minutes unless her domme was "present" in chat with her to "monitor" her activities, (and these people had never even met in real life, her domme would say "well its online how else can i control her"? wtf? (warning bells still go off in my head over that one)
After all back when we all began our own journys into bdsm didn't we wish someone we could trust was there to advise and teach us?- And didnt some of us regret putting ourselves in risky situations at the hands of real life people to learn?
Online has its advatages as opposed to throwing you slam bam into a full on overbearing sistuation or worse, preying on your inexperience to manipulate you into a potentially deadly scenerio in real life?
It is the least we "who have walked down the path can do" to reach back and help those that are begining thier own journeys.
denu:
I understand totally and have some experience in this area also, as you well know.
dave
Temp subs? Hmmm... I think there is money in this. Maybe we should set up an agency... :)
I've made the suggestion that in our world, it is the Dom/mes who "display" and the subs who pursue, with the Dom/mes deciding whom to accept. (Much the opposite of the vanilla "dating" paradigm.)
Dominants who "cold-call" subs are either vanillas in disguise, or so new that they haven't discovered this particular reality.
That doesn't mean we aren't agressive... much the same way women "aggressively" wear attractive clothing. Our attitudes have a lot to do with what 'attracts.'
Well said Sir Oz:
In my case Sir, all i am supposed to do is "entice" and be generally aluring, so the shoe by your definition is still on the other foot, (or back on the traditional foot) whichever the case may be. If a dominant doesnt have the "brass ones" to ask to speak to me after that or order me to accompany him or her (when i am available) to a more private venue or the dungeon, it's a sure sign they eaither are not interested, or are not "strong" enough to have me for thier temporary "use", fortune favors the brave.
Alltough I know you and my owner an I agree on the "make the woman come to you approach", in real life and sometimes in chat, at least as far as sending unsoliciated pm's etc, it is certianly not the only way
In real life a dominant has many more options, and i have personally seen that the sit and make them come to you approach as a sign of indifferent confidence by a dominant as opposed to being "shy" to be very effective (its wowrked in that medium plenty of times on me)
everything from actually talking to a girl to a bold look from accross the room is game. but in real life i can see his or her face and body language. In here all we have is text, alltough i often read between the lines. (winks)
I dont purse a dominant overtly becuase it would be considered "begging" for my use, and i am not to "beg" without permission under any circumstances.
Not having been granted that permission in the lobby by a dominant worthy of respect, i ergo do not beg.
But i do follow the tenent that a kajira is to be pleasing in everyway, and a large part of that is accomplished by just "being" in a room, excluding a raw allmost maddeningly wanton sexuality that drives dominants mad with lust.
For the kajira even if silenced, must allways entice her "use"; for the eyes of men are forever upon her and men are pleased by such things.