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I have a question that I really don't know if anyone can give me an answer but here goes.......
I am in a new relationship with my Master and when we play I get nervous and a little frightened when he brings out the "toys"......however when he puts a collar on me it calms me right away.........
He has not "collared" me and we only use it when we play.......but I am curious why it calms me.......Has anyone else experienced this?? Or does anyone know why it would??
Thanks for your help!!
well everyone is different but i can imagine it either helps you get into character so to speak which clears your mind from your own nerves, or having the collar on makes you feel protected. think about a dog. you see a dog with a collar and you assume that it's well taken care of. so you might associate being collared with being taken care of. just a thought.
I think it has quite a bit to do with your mindset at the time. When Ragoczy has me submit to him, puts me "in scene", or otherwise uses a ritual it brings my submission back to the forefront of my mindset. Once that is done it calms me and allows me to envelope myself in my submission to him and place all of my trust in him. Without that bit of a nudge I am distracted by so many things whereas once he's given me that nudge I know that he has taken the responsibility to be concerned about all those many things and I can relax in his domination.
Ok, that probably doesn't make any sense, but it's the best I can do right at this moment! If I think of a clearer way to put it I'll post more :)
-kitten
From the limited experience I have had, having the collar or even the thought of a collar, represents ownership. For me it's like I'm his then, and I can feel safe because he wouldn't damage his things. To be collard is like a calming point, and let's me get into the zone quickly
There is something to be said for the headspace something like a collar or cuffs etc. will put a sub in. All the answers above are spot on, so I won't repeat what has already been said about the mental reaction to a symbol such as a collar.
I will add that, for me, the physical sensation of being securely "held" also adds to that feeling of calm and safety you describe. I often sleep in my collar simply because the feeling of being firmly held on to soothes me and puts me in a secure and peaceful frame of mind.
If you have ever experienced more advanced rope bondage, a karada for example, you'll find that the snugness of the ropes on and around your body will give you an even more complete feeling of being held and wrapped up safely. Even as you move and even when your Dom is not in direct contact with you, it's as if you're being cradled in his arms.
To me, a collar has so much more meaning than a wedding ring. Collars are not given lightly, and should not be accepted lightly either.
Most Ds only collar a cherished submissive. They take it upon themselves to take care of and love their subs. A collar is a symbol of that ownership and responsibility your D feels toward you. It's probably calming to you because you know that he would never hurt you, his cherished sub.
It's all part of getting into that sub space, and roll for the scene.
That strikes me as kinda odd. What you basically imply is that people wed just for the heck of it. Like, "we got nothing better to do so letīs marry".Quote:
Originally Posted by SubmissiveDoll
I know of no man or woman for that matter that wed their husband/wife just to "do it". There are lots of thoughts and feelings involved not to mention a helluva lot of planning :p.
I think that to wed somebody you need to cherish and love the woman just like if you collar somebody.
I think the worth and meaning is just as strong. They just mean different things.
As for the collar calming you. Well that strikes me as quite normal thing to do if you are into things like that. It sets the mood of things and if you get collared you "sign away your responsibilities" for the time you play and can "let go" and feel and do things you perhaps wouldnt do when you arent wearing the collar.
Thats not what I meant at all actually. I supposed it did come off short and seem as though I did mean that people wed lightly. But, for me, not everyone else.. just me. A collar means more. I did wed, and didn't really put much thought into it. So did many of the people I know in person. Yes weddings take lots of thought and planning. But, a wedding is much different than a marriage. I think for me, and several people I know, the wedding had most of their attention, with very little regard for the marriage that was to come.Quote:
Originally Posted by Logic1
So, what I was trying to say was... I've been submissive as long as I've been dating. I'm divorced. Even though I've been submissive my whole life, I was much quicker to accept a wedding ring than a collar. After every relationship I've had, including my marriage, I didn't accept being collared until my current Master.
A collar has always meant more to me than a wedding ring. It's my personal view, not saying that everyone feels this way.
another question the to all:
when is a collar appropriate? i know it is a symbol of commitment but how do you know when the time is right? and is it the same as marriage as it being a lifelong commitment?i have heard of collaring ceremonies but have never experienced one... is it the same idea as a wedding?
When a collar is appropriate depends entirely up to the couple involved. However, there are a few fairly general guidelines with them. Typically an official collaring, involving a collaring ceremony, is similar to the idea of a wedding where the couple is making a serious committment to each other. However, reaching a point where a submissive/slave is ready to be collared can take time and training. Because of this, often a "training collar" or "collar of consideration" is worn by the sub. This is an outward mark to indicate to the community that the sub/slave in question is spoken for and in a committed relationship and so is not 'up for grabs'. A collar is a serious step and not something to be taken lightly or given out too quickly. It must be earned by both parties through committed exploration into developing a bond between the sub/slave and Dominant.Quote:
Originally Posted by FROZENGRAPES
You might want to read through this thread for more detailed information: http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=9948
ok then here is another question: if it is not far enough along for collaring... what are other ways to show commitment between you? i do not know what a "training collar is? and does a collar have to be a "collar" like dogs wear? or can it be somthing else?
It can be allmost anything from a ribbon around your wrist, to a clit ring with a bell, jinggle jinggle lol, (which happens to be mine..blushes) or even a tatto or a brand
alltough we have play colars and one that we use for more ritualistic acts of submision etc
it need not be a physical manifestation at all, it may only be a collar worn inside your heart, many of us our bound by our owners will long before a physical collar comes into the equation
Thank you everyone who helped answer my question..........it is greatly appreciated. I am not officially collared........yet!! But am in training and one day hope to be!! thanks again.......
Sorry all. You put too much meaning on the collar per se. It is the same as a ring.
It can mean everything, or it can be as simple as a piece of jewelry.
Collars can be used as an adornment, in play, as a token of friendship, as a token of intent (ala an engagement ring,) as a token of commitment, and as a token of ownership. As a token of ownership, you could be mere chattel, a pet, an "animal", a beloved prize, or a loved and cherished partner.
Being collared is no more nor no less than whatever it means to the two people involved in the exchange.
...AND
In any of these modes, yes, it can be a great comfort to wear one. It signifies to your brain that you are not astray... that you are where you belong.
Why this is so may be beyond our ability to accurately describe. It may be because we choose to describe it with comforting language that we call to mind at the feel of the collar around the neck...
or (in my case) the tension on the leash attached to the collar.
It may be because somewhere back in our neolithic memories, the sharing of clothing meant you were part of the tribe, safe and secure, not alone.