I've recently gone into a new D/s relationship, but we've been here before years ago but with kids it's hard. It's still hard, and now I'd like to know how to handle things with them around? Any suggestions?
Printable View
I've recently gone into a new D/s relationship, but we've been here before years ago but with kids it's hard. It's still hard, and now I'd like to know how to handle things with them around? Any suggestions?
It was a lot easier when the kids were younger and had reasonable bed times. Now we have a teenager who likes to stay up late. :(
So we send the youngest to bed and tell the girl-child to turn her radio up, then try to be a little quiet (not the easiest thing for my kitten to do).
Getting the kids out of the house overnight works, sleepovers and grandparents.
If you have a local dungeon and don't mind public play, that's an option: "Be good, kids, mommy and daddy are going to their club."
The little things can add up, too.
Whispering "mine" in her ear gets a good reaction from my kitten.
I touch her a lot, rubbing her head and playing with her hair, so every now and then I'll get a good grip and slowly pull her hair tight -- no one can see it, but it's a reminder to both of us.
She started sitting on the floor in the living room because the couch was hurting her back, but I've found that I really like that. She sits next to my legs or between them with her laptop on the coffee table. 'course the fact that this positions her nicely for me to rub her back and shoulders might be an ulterior motive. ;)
Having a D/s dynamic with kids is much easier when the kids are little. The older they get makes things a tad more complicated. My Master and I both have children from previous marriages.
I will sit at his feet, on my laptop, or just to watch TV. I enjoy being at his feet, and sometimes I'll lay my head in his lap and he will pet my hair. I also always have a mark on the back of my neck, sometimes he will 'rub' my neck. It's subtle and other people wouldn't have any idea. But, it's a wonderful reminder to me. He also likes to whisper "mine". Which always makes my heart flutter.
it can be awkward at times with kids around regardless of their age, you just have to subtly change things.
for eg,instead of asking to go to the bathroom i casually mention i need the bathroom then he will either nod or shake his head.
instead of saying can i? say maybe i should? instead of him/her saying do he/she can say id appreciate if, or would you mind doing such and such.
i have 4 kids so its not always easy sometimes you just have to put things on hold,drop some routines and adapt others.
and a word of advice...never assume a padlocked toybox will keep your kids out! my teen son is great with hairpins :mad:
playtime can sometimes be difficult too and it's more than likely that at sometime you're going to have a close shave,(ive been abruptly thrown behind the sofa,pushed into closets and locked outdoors on more than one occasion lol) just be prepared and take every precaution you can possibly think of.
I have two daughters and we dont live with Him just yet, but He and i have discussed all the little things that we will have to adjust from how it is now when i see him alone. I think it is just a matter of using sublte things to show your submissionor for him to show his Dominance.
Playtime however...lol we are still trying to work that one out. :)
So far some great posts and I agree with you all.
The only thing that I think that I can add is to make a consistent "date" night. With the kids either going out or the kids going to someone else house. I have found this to be one of the best things for me and my pet.
We used to go away overnight to a nice hotel. Sometimes we even got away for the weekend. Playing all weekend - that was fun.
I'd like to say that it's really nice to read all the loving ways people find to accommodate each other and their various kinks. My partner passed away a few years ago. I'm very glad that we always made time for that, even with the kids.
I guess im lucky in the way that my Sir and I relate to each other in front of my girls...they are really young ( 5, 4 and 2 1/2) but we live a free spirited type of life so the way we are with each other doesnt give them any clues that our lives are any different then anyone elses...Whenever we need to discuss "things", we just put them in my oldest daughters room and turn on the Sprout channel and they stay put until we are done...As they get older, we may or may not let them know about our life IF they can keep their mouths shut to my VERY VERY religiously vanilla parents in law and that entire family.....
i have older kids.... 2 young men. They see their mom as being respectful. i guess it is easier in our house as we make a living working at Renaissance faires, so when i call Him M'Lord they know that is how we speak at faire. Also seeing me in a leather collar they tend to think it is just something we make. They are kids and from what i remember kids don't think of their parents as sexual things, they kinda just close it out and don't want to know the details!
As the parent of two step-children (now grown, but I watched them grow up) and two younger kids, I will say that kids don't want to know that you even had sex more than was necessary for their procreation, and not that if you could've done it in a test-tube. I would say, keep your sex life away from the kids, period. Vanilla, a little kinky, 24/7 M/s, edgeplay, it doesn't matter - they don't want to know.Quote:
Originally Posted by Twisted Beauty
Now, letting them know by the general environment that you are sexual creatures and that you do have a private life that doesn't include them is healthy and good for them, even if they think they'd rather you were made of balsa wood - but details? Leave them out.
Exactly.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ragoczy
Yes Kittens tend to do that. :D
Wow. I'll have to save some of this info for the future. As I am only 19, and in no way mentally ready to have children of my own but I know how some of you with children do feel (I have two younger brothers aged 4 and 1) and things can be slightly awkward for me and My Master, as well as around my brother (who is 17) and a sister ( who's 14). So there are slight changes we do. Like My Master will grab my hand on give it a loving squeeze or he'll gently and softly rub my clavicle (ooh how that gets me weak in the knees), or if he's sitting behind me (or if I'm in his lap) he'll scratch my head and say "who's My kitten?" and I get all mushy and gooey with love and happiness that I almost actually purr!
I don't think parents should talk to children about their sex lives. Nor do I think children want to know about it.
(This doesn't mean I don't think children should be informed and given a very responsible "sex talk" I just don't think one needs to share their personal experiences when it comes to the bedroom).
lmao. I would have been mortified had I known that my sainted mother actually had SEX! *gasps* Hell, I still don't believe it.
blythe, lol. my parents never had sex. *shudders at the thought*
i was delivered by the stork. that's my story and i'm sticking to it. lol
Havensov, now that you brought it up, i shared the idea with my Master and we have discussed having a "date" nite. it's a fabulous idea. thanks!
this is a really great thread guys, lets keep it going. *smiles*
We had "the talk" with our son when he started asking questions about sex (he was about 8). He was totally grossed out...so much so that he got really upset because he wanted children when he grew up but didn't want to do "that".Quote:
Originally Posted by blythespirit
I wish I had a camera about 6 months later when he suddenly put the pieces together one day and figured out how he came to be, because the expression on his face was priceless! I'm sure he'll need therapy when he gets older. :)
Kids want to know...but don't really want to know...
rotflmbo!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by artifex
Too funny!!!
*chuckles* ok.......here's a thought for all you parents. Yes, i agree that children do NOT want the details of their parents' sex lives........but as they get older, the opposite is also true!!!! My sons' father was killed when my boys were 4 and 6.........they are now 16 and 19. We had the *responsible sex* talk and continue to have it as i deem it necessary. i do NOT want to know any details about my sons' sex lives.....and would prefer it to think they just don't have any!!! But....my hopes and dreams were shattered on that delusion when i walked in early from work one night and found my oldest son using his girlfriend's thighs as ear muffs!! *shudders harshly and shakes that one off.......AGAIN*
My point being......children definately make things more difficult.......even if your relationship is strictly vanilla!! As icey said, often minor adjustments can be made that both of Y/you can agree upon that keeps the most personal aspects of your relationship in the shadows if not in the complete dark.....LOL!!! Anyone that has children learns to modify, adapt, and cover their tracks very very quickly in the event of an exposure *giggling*
The idea about *date night* is a wonderful one!!! So is leaving for the night to a hotel for "rougher, "oh my God i can actually scream!" kinda play *grins* Oh.......and before you know it, you'll have to make an appointment to get to see them because they are so busy and gone most of the time *chuckling* Hang in there!!! It does get better!