Online Training - Help a first-timer.

Hello everyone

I have just begun an online relationship with a delightful little sub who is very submissive but has no practical bdsm experience. She is very willing to learn and is deeply submissive.

I have experience in offline training but have none in online training, or distance relationships of any kind. This training is really a prelude to meeting, not a strictly online relationship, as she lives quite a distance from me.

So I would love to hear from Doms who have online experience and wouldn't mind sharing some of their experiences, tips and knowledge with me. No doubt I could learn through trial and error (as to which offline activities don't translate well online etc) but with such a wealth of knowledge and experience here I thought why not tap into it first :)

Jason

anyone?
anyone?

I think there is a how to guide to online relationships in the dungeon section of this site. But I'm not entirely sure cause I've never looked. It may be worth a look though.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Jai

I think there is a how to guide to online relationships in the dungeon section of this site. But I'm not entirely sure cause I've never looked. It may be worth a look though.

---

Yup, there is a good guide to online relationships in the Dungeon. i think that sugeneg was looking for a few experiences and perhaps a few ideas though, now he's actually IN an online relationships...have all our dominants with online experience gone suddenly shy? *smiles*

i think there may be a few threads about the same issue in the dusty recesses of the forums somewhere sugeneg, i'll have a look through and try and dig out any i think may be helpful to you.

sl

i have had a look through some of the archives and found the following threads which may be of some interest to you:

Online relationships:

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=562

Punishments and other specifics:

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=1684

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=480

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=1079

This thread contains some reference to org. dep in an online capacity:

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=531

Other than that, all i could suggest is if you had any specific questions regarding being an online dominant, then ask them here, i'm sure people will answer a specific question.

Hope this is helpful to you. :)

sl

Thanks lucy. Now I have some reading to do.

Jason

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by sugeneg

She is very willing to learn and is deeply submissive.

I have experience in offline training but have none in online training, or distance relationships of any kind. This training is really a prelude to meeting, not a strictly online relationship, as she lives quite a distance from me.

So I would love to hear from Doms who have online experience and wouldn't mind sharing some of their experiences, tips and knowledge with me. No doubt I could learn through trial and error (as to which offline activities don't translate well online etc) but with such a wealth of knowledge and experience here I thought why not tap into it first :)

Jason

---

I have done on-line training in the past, then when I met my current submissive 5 years ago pretty much stopped. Last month though, I bumped into a newbie subbie here, and we have started an on-line training. I think the key to success in on-line training is Two things: One, go slow and don't rush things. I find myself always having to re-read the emails I send to her because I sometimes get going and then ask her to do about 10 things all at once. Prioritize what you wish to do with her. Lists work good with due dates. Set up right away how you wish her to respond to any emails and any on-line chats or sessions. Then reinforce that she doesn't need to feel that she needs to learn or know everything at once.

Two: Communicate, communicate, communicate.
Can't stress that enough. Write out everything you are going to tell her in a Word document (better to edit and save), re-read it and then send it to her. When replying to her emails, include her reply and your response. This allows her (and you) to follow the different topic threads .
Keep asking her to ask you questions. I find that new subs have a lot of questions but are usually afraid to ask. Sometimes if I am not getting enough questions I tell her that her next assignment is to ask me a question about (some topic). I have, in the past, told the sub that each time she emails me to ask me a question about my background or experience. This way if I didn't already tell her something or didn't elaborate then she has the opportunity.
Save everything. Since most of this relationship is going on through email, chats, IM, etc...keep the paper trail. It helps you to stay organized, and helps fight confusion about who said what when etc....

The next step is to lay out to her the way your on-line relationship is going to unfold. Since she is brand new it is a little easier, because she probably doesn't have a lot of pre-conceived notions to correct. But, tell her what your role is going to be (I tell my subs I am a guide in our journey to discover their submissive soul). Let her know what her role is, and your expectations of what she is going to need to do.
I always have the sub tell me about her past BDSM experiences as well as sexual experiences. I have had women tell me that they had no BDSM experiences and then eventually reveal they had a BF hold their hands above their head as he screwed her (but didn't understand this is a BDSM experience).
Ask about her lifestyle now and how much time she has to contact you. Then set limits of how much contact you will have with her. This just gives her a framework to follow and allows you to begin to control (which is what she wishes). Also, your time can start to get away from you if you don't keep on this. I am not saying she can only contact you for certain times on certain days, but when you start both of you may wish more time then one or both can afford to give. If you control this it works better.

Then have her download one of the BDSM checklists (one here: http://www.twoheartsonesoul.com/checklistp.htm) you may have used in the past. I have the sub email me about 15-20 of the items at a time, asking her to ask me if she doesn't understand something, and then tell me if she has any experience or an interest in that item. This allows for a lot of learning to take place as well as getting to know her better. Also, you can send her URL for follow-up info on specific topics. Is also, a good way for you to learn things (I looked up Bastinado when I didn't know what the term was). Also, suggest books to read, or better yet (if you can) mail her one of your favorite books and you can assign her a passage to read and then tell you her feelings about it.
"Her feelings", the key to the whole on-line training. Keep asking her to tell you her feelings. This is the only way you can judge how she is doing, what she is learning, and if she is progressing the way you feel she should be.
I continually ask about her feelings. Each time we part a chat or IM, I tell her to email me within 12 hours and tell me her feelings about what we just did or experienced. Since you can't see her reactions in her face or body, you have to keep making her tell you her feelings. Then you can sort through them with her.
Try to keep this on-line only for at least awhile. Sometimes if the connection is strong you will wish to go to phone right away. Try to avoid this impulse and wait until she is ready for it. You will not believe the power of hearing your voice for the first time will do to her. When you make her wait until she knows you a bit and you feel confident in beginning to know her, then the power of the moment is that much more.
Just like a real time relationship the on-line one is all about building trust. So keep going slow and pacing yourself. Offer her choices, but for the most part You maintain the control of what you will do when. Evaluate her responses and then decided which direction you are going to go.

A couple of short takes on a few things:
Titles: Decide what you wish her to call you and then make her stick to it. I like Sir because Master means something different to me than most. But pick something and then make her stick to it. Also, pick her a nick or pet name you decide on. Make her change her on-screen nick to that. Make it special and unique.

Discipline: Make sure she understands she needs to be focused on you and disciplined. Just because you can’t see her doesn’t mean she should not be disciplined and wearing what you asked her to, or sitting a certain way. Make sure you tell her that honesty is the key to an on-line relationship. Always be honest with you. If you ask her to do something and she tries but can’t then make sure she tells you. Tell her you will be more disappointed if she doesn’t tell you she can’t do that then pretending she did it.

Sex- you are going to have cyber sex with her. I usually go slow with her and always make her extend it out. I will give her a release, but make it drawn out. I usually try to begin orgasm control from the get go. Making her start, stop, start again etc… I will give her a release before we are done with a session, but make her earn it. I rarely ever come myself in the beginning. She will ask you about this (she will be very concerned that you are satisfied and that you find her pleasing). I tell her that I will get what I need when I need it. I like using toys, but try to keep it to one or two things per session. Also, keep asking her feelings.

End of Part 1


SirW

Part 2



Pictures- In the beginning I never ask what a sub looks like, her measurements, sometimes not even her age. I tell her from the beginning I am more concerned what is in her head then what she looks like. If you need a picture ask for a head shot, then give her one of you. Tell her when you are ready for more revealing pictures of her, you will ask her for them. Good to put this in the back of her mind, and extend the control aura. I do send her pictures of things I wish her to know about. I sent my current trainee one of a woman with a leather sleeve on her arms. She asked me what it was from the checklist, and it was easier to send her a pic than try to verbally explain it.

Punishments- Lots of variations on this. Some like to do it some don’t. I generally will not do punishments for awhile, if at all on-line. I tell her we will when I decide she needs it. The problem is that you can spank her like you do in r/l. Spanking or clamping your nipples yourself is not the same, and can be dangerous since she might not know when to stop. So keep punishments to something you can supervise and control, NEVER, NEVER, NEVER (got my drift) use time with you (or away from you) as a punishment. You need to be in contact with her all the time to control and train her. A Dom who says he is punishing a sub by not seeing her or talking to her, or answering her email is at best a coward, and worst an abuser. Also, don’t put her in a situation where no matter what she does she will fail and have to be punished. A punishment usually means she has done something incorrectly, which also means you have failed to get her to do it right. So if you wish to punish for that then punish yourself. One of the most severe punishments I can give a submissive is to tell her that I am not going to tell her what I wish to do, she can decide on her own. A true submissive will really, really hate this. You have taken controlling her away, and she will be despondent. Only do this to make a point. Also, if you do punish make sure she knows why and what to do to avoid it in the future.

When to go to real life: When you are ready, and You decide when that is. If distance is a problem then you may not have to worry she wishes this before you are ready. I told my current submissive that we will meet someday. She was puzzled by this because we are a distance away, and our lives are complicated. But I told her some day we will meet, whether it is just to talk or hug, or more. But when I feel it is right it will happen. Talk with her and you decide.
Lastly: Remember this relationship is all about control. Establishing your control over her, but she needs to give it to you. Go slow and earn each others’ trust. I talk a lot about how D/s is a partnership and how we both need to give and get things for us to be satisfied. I i\keep talking about this all the time. Do little things to show her how she giving you control can be such a turn-on and so rewarding for her. I almost always ask the sub if she is shaven (pubic in and around her vaginal area). If she is not I always request she do this, and maintain it till I tell her otherwise. This will be a visible sign of your control of her every time she dresses, bathes or looks in any mirror. Also, you can extend control of her into her everyday life. This is usually very exciting for her. An easy thing is to tell her tomorrow at work she is to dress normally, but after lunch to go to the ladies room and remove her panties, put them in her purse and not wear any till the next morning. Now every time she moves, sits down or even walks she will feel your control of her. (obviously I ask if she is having her period, and do not do it on those days). Always ask if she can do this, almost 99% of the time she is turned on to do this for You.
Ok, and that is just the tip of the ice berg. Feel free to reply her or a PM if you wish more info. I would love to begin a correspondence with a Dom that is training a new sub at the same time as I am to see if we can learn from each other. Good luck


SirW

Thanks a lot for this SirW. It was extremely informative and very helpful.

I have already done many of the things that you state and am glad that I seem to be on the right track with what to do online. I have started controlling her sleeping patterns to be more in line with mine.

She is a student and so has tended to be going to sleep at 3 in the morning and napping a lot during the day. So she now has a curfew and has been very keen on the idea of matching my patterns. She was very eager to get up much earlier than usual to talk with me in the mornings before I go to work. I have encouraged this as i feel it a great way to focus her for the day ahead when I will have no contact with her, she can go back to sleep afterwards (which she does, sleepyhead).

She is writing a journal for me each night and emailing it to me so I can gauge her reactions of her day and any tasks I may have set for her. I am having her kneel down, making sure to keep her back straight for good posture, while writing her journal. She has a laptop so this is easily achieved. I feel that focuses her mind better on her submission and she enjoys it as well (from her journal). I have found in my short time with online training that it can be the small simple things that mean so much to the submissive.

I also chose the title of Sir, I feel it much more appropriate and it is what I prefer to be called in realtime as well. She was trembling, and blushing furiously the first time she called me Sir :) But soon afterwards I had to curb her enthusiasm as 3 or 4 Sirs in a sentence was just a little inappropriate. We're not in the military after all.

I have also instituted an exercise regime, 20 minute yoga workout each day that is broadcast on tv here and that I used to do as well when I wasn't working. As well as having her begin to cook a larger variety of meals for herself. She was eating pasta almost every night, and sometimes even less healthy. The first time we chatted all night she did not eat at all. A simple mention that that did not please me upset her. I pointed out to her that as my sub it is her duty to keep herself, fit and healthy, to be able to carry out any tasks that I wished for her to do. Her primary focus was to please and be found pleasing and to be able to do this to the best of her ability her health and hygiene is very important. Her welfare and happiness is my responsibility and having a healthy slave is essential.

I have also found that reinforcing a few simple things is very helpful. Even if she already does soimething of her own accord telling her she must do these things helps to reinforce that I am in control. Making sure part of her routine is to brush her teeth after every meal I have found is a very easy and simple manner to keep her thinking about her submission. When she has to perform everyday activities she is now thinking about her submission to me while doing them.

I have not instituted much of a routine at the moment as you said I am taking things slowly. I would rather add things gradually than give her a massive list at the start and watch her struggle with so many new things at once.

And SirW, I'd love to hear more, and share more. We can do it here in the forums so others can join or in PM's if you prefer.

I gave her a checklist to fill out. She is young, has no bdsm experience (and this really is none), almost no sexual experience but is deeply submissive. I can see she is going to be a pleasure to train.

Jason

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by sugeneg

She is writing a journal for me each night and emailing it to me so I can gauge her reactions of her day and any tasks I may have set for her. I am having her kneel down, making sure to keep her back straight for good posture, while writing her journal.

I have found in my short time with online training that it can be the small simple things that mean so much to the submissive.

I have also found that reinforcing a few simple things is very helpful. Even if she already does soimething of her own accord telling her she must do these things helps to reinforce that I am in control.

I gave her a checklist to fill out. She is young, has no bdsm experience (and this really is none), almost no sexual experience but is deeply submissive.

---

Seems like you are on track with the on-line training. Actually a neophyte might be easier, since everything is new and she doesn't expect things to be one way or another (as they might have been with a past Dom).
I was going to mention about words and name calling (or using nick names). I see that you both are from Australia (I had an on-line sub for almost 3 years from there), and in Amercia we use nick names for everything.
One of the first things I do is have her tell me her feelings about Me using certain names (like cunt, whore, slut, pig, cow...etc.) Best to get this out in the beginning then you don't use a word that she reacts badly to. Also, some women have reactions to words because they were used against them in an abusive aituation. Even though your sub has no past BDSM experience, she might have been in a family or other situation where she could have been emotionally or verbally stressed. Always good to talk this out. Actually there is a thread on the forum here that I posted similar remarks in. It is here (http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/showthread.php?t=1791).

We can discuss this training back and forth here if you like. Then others can also add their comments. Alwasys willing to learn new things.

Good luck.

Sir W

I just wanted to make a small comment about using your absence to punish a slave. This I cannot really understand. Surely you have a slave because you enjoy being with them, you enjoy how they make you feel, simply enjoy their presence. Why would you want to absent yourself from those feelings. Surely you are simply punishing yourself. And if you do not feel that way about your slave then why the hell are you with her.

I had a sub once who would be in tears after only a few minutes in the corner, facing the wall but not touching it, even if I was in the room with her. Half an hour was plenty and I was still there to enjoy her.

It's just something I don't understand anyone wanting to do on or offline for that matter.

Jason

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by sugeneg

I just wanted to make a small comment about using your absence to punish a slave. This I cannot really understand. Surely you have a slave because you enjoy being with them, you enjoy how they make you feel, simply enjoy their presence. Why would you want to absent yourself from those feelings. Surely you are simply punishing yourself. And if you do not feel that way about your slave then why the hell are you with her.

---

I think you misunderstood what I was saying. I am in full agreement with you. I would never use absence as a punishment. I feel it is borderline abuse. I never tell a sub that because she failed to do something the way I expected it, I will not see or talk to her for a period of time. Doms who do this are not Dominants, in my opinion, they are cowards or abusers.
So we are in agreement on NOT using abscence as any typw of punishment, ever.

SirW

SirW, I didn't misunderstand, I just wanted to agree with you and add my two cents.

Just a little on names, I can't really call her a slut or a whore as she has so little experience we both know that would just sound silly :) She also has a beautiful name that I love, and that she does not share with anyone else on the net, she has enough nicks of her own, so I very much prefer to use that.

I was thinking of your thoughts on sending her a necklace she can wear in lieu of a collar. I am envisioning it as a kind of training collar, to let her have the feel of something around her neck and see how she does and how that makes her feel. I have bought a small silver herringbone snake necklace (not sure how else to describe it) that sits quite high on the neck (at the base) and is very pretty but with some weight to it so she will know it is there and that she can wear all of the time. Just wondering if you have done this before. I have given real life subs such training collars and thought it would be one of the things that may even have more meaning for an online/distance sub.

Jason

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by sugeneg

I was thinking of your thoughts on sending her a necklace she can wear in lieu of a collar. I am envisioning it as a kind of training collar, to let her have the feel of something around her neck and see how she does and how that makes her feel. I have bought a small silver herringbone snake necklace (not sure how else to describe it) that sits quite high on the neck (at the base) and is very pretty but with some weight to it so she will know it is there and that she can wear all of the time. Just wondering if you have done this before. I have given real life subs such training collars and thought it would be one of the things that may even have more meaning for an online/distance sub.

Jason

---

I think that is an excellent idea. I too have sent on-line submissives something to wear that acts as a constant reminder they are "Owned" as I train them. My current submissive (together 5 years and we met and began on-line) tells me I gave her a bracelet to wear as a training "collar". Actually it was a slave bracelet dating from the 10 century that I had found on-line. It was something special that just she and I knew the real meaning, and was effective as a constant reminder to her entering into this special relationship.
Your choice of "collar" sounds perfect for your submissive.
The other thing that also works is a "choker". Many women (whether lifestyle or not) wear these and it is very close to a real collar, without drawing undue attention. I will post a pic here in a couple of days of one that I bought for her this past spring at the St. Louis BDSM conference.
Thanks for your continuous sharing.

BTW, there is a thread under "My BDSM Life" called Help with on-line Punishment (http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...1502#post21502). Some interesting ideas if and when you wish to utilize punishment.


SirW

Well SirW punishment is something i don't have any problems with :) But also something I do not think that I will need to use very often.

The necklace is quite short and sits very high on the neck, just at the base of the throat, I tried it out with a friend when i was buying it to get the right length, so it does even look like a collar a little. I think she will be quite moved when she receives it.

Which really brings me to the next question. When do you ask an online submissive personal details such as their address. My girl is not a secretive person, and has told me some very personal things already, but she does not even give out her real name over the net (usually) and I was wondering if you can get a sense of when to ask for her address, or if you should simply state you have something for her and when she feels comfortable to send her address.

The other night I had my sub explore her breasts a little. She really has had no contact with them, which does sound funny I know, but she has had almost no sexual experience and even had trouble describing her nipples and breasts to me. She just hadn't thought of them much, they are just there, but she was extremely responsive and quite excited that she had discovered something new and intimate about her body. It was a particularly gratifying experience for me as I feel a slave must know her own body before she can use it to satisfy others. She then admitted to me that she had played with them in the bath to feel that sensation again and I gently admonished her, as I had told her at the last session to stop playing and that there would be plenty of other opportunities to play when I initiated it. She said that she had misunderstood and had thought I meant stop just that time not that she wasn't allowed to play with them. I reassured her that it was ok but no more playing without permission, after all I believe it was really my fault for not being clearer in the first instance. But she was quite upset that she had disobeyed me which is why I feel that punishment may be a rare occasion with this little sub.

Jason

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by sugeneg

When do you ask an online submissive personal details such as their address. My girl is not a secretive person, and has told me some very personal things already, but she does not even give out her real name over the net (usually) and I was wondering if you can get a sense of when to ask for her address, or if you should simply state you have something for her and when she feels comfortable to send her address.

---

The short answer is when you both trust enough to be able to do it. I think I have never jumped from on-line only to sending something in the mail. I have always progressed from on-line (chat or IM) to email to phone and then mail address. One way she can protect her privacy if she wishes is to rent a post box at either the post office or one of those places that rents boxes. My friend in Australia did that so I could send her something from time to time. She was mostly worried about somebody other than her getting the post (mail here in the U.S.), so the rental box worked fine. This may work for your sub, especially if she doesn’t live alone. The best thing to do is to tell her you wish to send her something that will further your relationship with her. Ask her what name and address she would like this sent to. I know people that have things sent to a work address too.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by sugeneg

The other night I had my sub explore her breasts a little. She really has had no contact with them, which does sound funny I know, but she has had almost no sexual experience and even had trouble describing her nipples and breasts to me. She just hadn't thought of them much, they are just there, but she was extremely responsive and quite excited that she had discovered something new and intimate about her body. It was a particularly gratifying experience for me as I feel a slave must know her own body before she can use it to satisfy others. She then admitted to me that she had played with them in the bath to feel that sensation again and I gently admonished her, as I had told her at the last session to stop playing and that there would be plenty of other opportunities to play when I initiated it. She said that she had misunderstood and had thought I meant stop just that time not that she wasn't allowed to play with them. I reassured her that it was ok but no more playing without permission, after all I believe it was really my fault for not being clearer in the first instance. But she was quite upset that she had disobeyed me which is why I feel that punishment may be a rare occasion with this little sub.

---

I think you handled this right. Given her inexperienced, you want to thread the fine line between encouraging her to discover and try new things, and to allow you to control the discovery and trying of new things. You may wish to go from light breast play for her pleasure to some nipple pulling, twisting and light clips. My sub’s nipples are very sensitive so I mainly have her pull and twist them when she is also masturbating (by vaginal fingering or clitoral stimulation). I make sure she gets harder and rougher with her nipple play as she gets closer to coming. I like her to experience the balance between intense pleasure and pain. Good exercise to let her experience how the two are really just the same very intense emotional response. Good clips are those plastic clips used to close a package of chips. A pic of that is here (http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...=&threadid=252), post #14.
Also, some clothespins are good, if loosened up a bit. I would avoid those black heavy paper clamps, until she can handle some intense pressure. Also, in time you can send her a pair of screw-clamps or the Japanese ones.

Question for you: What kind of activities do you think work good for the sub to do when she is off-line? We don’t always talk every day and she has a lot of responsibilities in her home and professional life. I am looking for something that she can do that will keep her focused on ME for at least part of the day.



SirW

Here is a pic of a choker I had made for my submissive. It is perfect in that it can be worn in everyday (vanilla) situations and she knows the meaning of wearing it. She loves to wear something that I have given her almost all the time. She says it allows ME to always be with her.

SirW

Well SirW my girl is a student, studying computer science/programming, and so spends a lot of her time indoors at a computer. She gets very excited and becomes extremely focused when I send her on a walk outside to a park and she is buzzed for a long time afterwards. I have also found that giving her a lot of simple tasks throughout the day, many things she may already have done herself, are an excellent way of keeping her duty in mind.

I ask my sub what she is thinking of having for lunch and then tell her exactly what to have. I have also begun choosing what meal she cooks for dinner, from a list of her favourites with one new recipe she must try each week. This not only has her thinking of me while she is eating but I have also given her instructions where she must brush her teeth after every meal. Just another little way to keep her thinking of me while she performs everyday tasks. She is enjoying the structure that these small tasks provide. Just telling her the way I want a task completed, washing the dishes is different from how she normally does them, allows a control and a structure to be placed on her life without her radically changing her lifestyle. I find it is quite powerful to envelope these everyday activities under my sphere of influence.

My sub is finding writing her journal an excellent time for focus on me (she kneels at the foot of her bed with the laptop on the bed). I also find that actually choosing a sub's outfit for the day is an excellent, and very easy, way to have them reminded of you all day. If you know your sub's clothes then you can pick an appropriate outfit for her work day (with a little unusual twist that will keep her thinking of you). Getting an inventory of her wardrobe is also an excellent task for a sub, for so many reasons. I have chosen a skirt for my sub to wear during her housework duties, and at no other time. My sub seems to be craving the structure such things bring and as I said before I find that it is the simple little things that are the most powerful.

Something else I have found really useful is to provide a schedule for her housework chores, and setting down specific times and days for her to complete these tasks. This way I know what she is doing at a certain time and that is something I enjoy as well and after the initial schedule is written it is something that requires no further input.

Jason

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by sugeneg

I have also found that giving her a lot of simple tasks throughout the day, many things she may already have done herself, are an excellent way of keeping her duty in mind.
My sub is finding writing her journal an excellent time for focus on me (she kneels at the foot of her bed with the laptop on the bed). I also find that actually choosing a sub's outfit for the day is an excellent, and very easy, way to have them reminded of you all day. My sub seems to be craving the structure such things bring and as I said before I find that it is the simple little things that are the most powerful.
Jason

---

Thanks for sharing these ideas/tasks. I haven't been able to do the amount of control in daily activities with a submissive's on-line training, mostly due to the fact that my current submissive and others in the past, have fairly full and complex lives other than their BDSM interests. But some of the simple things you have mentioned are good ideas to try. I find that my current submissive trainee craves more and more control by ME. So these small ways are good things to try.

Have you done or thought about body modification? Keeping her pubic hair shaved or trimmed a certain way? Nipple jewelry? Restrictive clothing like corsetts? Piercings? Tattoos? Asking her to change her hairstyle? (I have done this in the past, and it is really a powerful way to exert control. I found my submissive had been thinking about changing her hair style for a long time but had kept putting it off. When I told her how she was going to have it cut and styled, to fit my specifications, it was a dream come true for her.)

Also, using butt plugs during the day; a regimen of masturbation, with orgasm denial the aim, vibrators to increases sensitivity of nipples, clit, etc.
I like a submissive to write out fantasies for me. And I read and extend them.I have also sent her pictures of submissive or bondage positions and specific BDSM stories.
Just some thoughts off the top of my head.
Thanks for continuing to share. :)


Sir W

Well SirW body modification is something that I won't consider until I can be there with her for it. She has no experience in anything like that. She does not even have her ears pierced so major changes like that are out for the moment. I also only consider modification after I have had a chance to experience everything in it's natural state. Some nipples/breasts look odd and out of place with piercings, others I find are crying out for them. So on that front we will have to wait and see.

Pubic hair - nothing there to style so that is not an option either :)

As for buttplugs or corsets, well she has NO toys whatsoever. No dildos, nothing. So before any toys can be used she must first buy them or I must send them to her. There is no rush. We have known each other for only a very short time and I am progressing gently.

I did a session of breastplay with her and got her to put a peg over each nipple. She was very confused by the pain/pleasure she felt from that. She is however in love with icecubes now :) I tried to explain that the pain was good for her to feel and there wasn't anything wrong with enjoying pain but I fear that it was not my best explanation so to reinforce that, and fight off societies stigma, another session very soon is in order I think.

I am thinking about sending her a few pictures, one at a time, and having her describe how they make her feel. I think that is a good idea.

If you have a very busy sub then what I think you need to do is take the activities that she does everyday at home and at work and put a twist no them, or place a restriction on them. This will let her feel your control almost all day long and give her the impression that you are controlling so many aspects of her life. I have no idea what kind of work she does (or do I, I can't remember) but let me know if you like (in a PM?) and we'll see what we can come up with.

Jason

Well, I had to punish my girl for the first time today. She had a minor tiff with a friend and forgot to brush her teeth in the morning. So when she confessed it to me she was punished by putting toothpaste on her anus and reapplying it whenever it began to wear off. This is not particularly painful but it is quite uncomfortable and is not something that can be ignored, and after a number of hours she became focused on it more than she should have. She was definitely contrite after the third application.

I have also started her on position/posture training and that seems to be progressing quite well.

Jason

Sorry I have not been responding for a bit. Busy with other life activities, and my submissive in training was gone on "holiday" and is now back but very busy with her life activities too. You are fortunate that your submissive has a less complicated life and can afford to devote the time to you she has.
I will try to post more in the coming week. Take care and continue posting if you wish. I am enjoying reading them.

Sir W

That's ok SirW, I know the constrictions everyday life can sometimes place upon us and our online activities. I have not been doing all that much. I have my sub choose 3 recipes each week that she will cook to broaden her horizons with taste and texture and to increase her cooking skills. I have also begun her position training and she seems to be doing very well at that, and enjoying it as well.

Jason

Sorry to disappoint andibabe, but I am no longer training this girl. It seems she was yet another kink seeker, liking the bondage and the thrill rather than the actual submission and training. I just wish people could be more honest in this lifestyle. She was maybe a little inexperienced to know what direction her feelings were going to take, so I have helped her a little there, but it is still disappointing.

But not to worry for me, I have moved on and am about to meet a local girl, who is most definitely more what I am searching for. So fingers crossed for me. I would still like to hear more from SirW on how his training is going, talk about it and offer suggestions if I could.

Jason

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by sugeneg

Sorry to disappoint andibabe, but I am no longer training this girl. I would still like to hear more from SirW on how his training is going, talk about it and offer suggestions if I could.

Jason

---

I haven't posted here in awhile because the sub that I was assisting to find her submissive soul has decided to put it on hold for now. She said her complicated family life has caused her to to stop for now. Unfortunately, I fear that she will regret that decision. I have seen this time and time again. This woman is a true submissive and once you unleash your true self you can't just stuff it back in the closet.
Well, I will just be patient and see if she might email me again in a few weeks or months.
Till then I certainly have enough to keep me busy with my relationship with my collared submissive and of course "real" (just kidding) life.

andibabe, feel free to email me if you have any questions or wish more information.


SirW

This thread went dead for a perfectly good reason, but I just thought I'd throw in an idea for something even a high-powered professional sub can do at work:

Any time s/he takes a coffee/tea/bathroom break, they have to do it in solitude (ie. away from their desk, in their office with the door locked, out in the far reaches of the parking lot, etc.) and spend the time thinking of you/the relationship. In addition to re-inforcing control, it should be good for their blood pressure (meditation time).

This was a GREAT thread, until its unfortunate ending. I learned a lot; thank you both.

I was rambling around the knowledge base, playing with the search engine and stumbled on this thread.

This is a truely valuable resource, especially for those who are just beginning an online training relationship.

However, I think it can be expanded. So, I would ask everyone who is involved or has been involved in an online training relationship to add to this but to expand it a bit.

I would like to see this expanded to include specifics on training methods, schedules, tasks, demands, rules, etc. I can envision this thread becoming a defacto encyclopedia of training aids and teaching materials.

TDS

Glad you brought this thread to light, TDS, it was an interesting read.

fantassy