First story online

Ok, so i was forced (Doms can do such things ;) )to upload my first story and am completely unsure if it's worth reading or not, whether the wording is ok (my mother tongue is German but for various reasons i have to write them in english) and all that.
I would be very grateful for every review. Oh, and i vowed to write at least 5 reviews for every story i upload, so it's kinda quid pro quo.

Oops, almost forgot the link: The beginning of her journey

Edit: Ooops again, i think it's in the wrong section. But since both feedback and reviews are most welcome it doesnt really matter.

Thank you in advance