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We're all familiar with safe words. And I've seen a few references to non verbal communication on here but would like to hear more about this.
What signal(s) do you use with your sub/slave when verbal communication isn't possible/practical?
When gagged or even when taken to their limits a safe word isn't a practical way for the sub to communicate. I'm hoping to hear about some ideas, stories, practical experience with this. TIA
When taken to the limit, even a non verbal safeword is not necessarily practical. Many subs in subspace forget they have a signal. I know I have...
Anything that makes a noise or the Dom/me can feel are ideal. You can stamp a foot, knock on a board with your fist in a certain pattern, even press a button that rings a bell. I read one case where a stack of CDs was left near the sub where he could knock them off if he wanted to get out of bondage. Another way may be to drop an object held in the hand - a ball, something that clanks or makes noise when it falls and so on. Though this is prone to false positives as you get so turned on you lose control of your muscles and drop it anyway.
It is important in any play to ensure that the Dom/me is aware of the sub at all times - os capable of gaguing their reactions to things enough to know when to stop or slow down. They need to keep a check on breathing, circulation, skin colour and other signs that you may be in pysiological distress. It also helps if they occasionally ask questions that can be answered with a nod or shake of the head - possibly when they think you may be in discomfort and want to stop. Questions like 'Are you Ok?' and 'Would you like to stop' or 'Do you like that or not?'
Safewords and safesigns are generally a tool useful for roleplaying where it is true that when a sub says 'no' they really mean 'yes' and this is where you mainly use them. In most cases, where you are playing you can often just say to the sub 'do you want to stop now?' or the sub can ask you to stop normally. They should also not be your only method of safety, it needs to be supported by other techniques such as keeping a check on the subs state of mind.
i dont have one and have never had the need for one, as fetishdj says its not always practical, and i often think holding something is a bit pointless if your hands are restrained that makes it just a little bit awkward lol and if they're not well the chances are that with the type of things we like i would drop it anyway.
IH just checks on me throughout, my breathing,body heat, asks me and tells me to reply in a certain way for yes no etc and he knows me my body and my actions/reactions well to know if things are going well and i trust him totally and have never had cause not to, but i dont use a safeword either.
I have never used a safeword with my Master. However, I do have one in case I ever truly need to. As for holding things... I don't think that would work for me, I tend to forget I even have hands. lol The safeword my Master and I have choose is perfect. It's not something I would ever say in day to day conversation, but I most certainly won't forget it. And since neither of us enjoy gags, there is no need for nonverbal signals.
But, fetishdj did have some good ideas if I ever needed to use any.
I am allways saying saftey first
this is ironic becuase my owner and I have no safe words at all
alltough i do reccomend safe words for new subs and masters (that is those that do not allready know each other inside and out)
My owner ussually asks me several times if all is well etc, sometimes however i am cuaght off guard or unprepared for my "use"
One overt signial to my owner that i am not ready or somthing needs to be discussed first is when i am kneeling and i place my palms down as opposed to up on my thighs.
If an extreme emergency crops up during my "Use" I would use rappid blinking and if my hand is free, i would tap out (like in wresteling) or make or do someother gesture or movement to signal him somthing is amiss or out of straights
Fortunately he is so attentive that i have never had the need to initiate a stop to whatever we have been doing at the time.
If she is gagged, I would usually have her grunt three times. If she is bound, I would usually put a ball in her hand for her to squeeze when she needed to and to drop it as a signal to stop.
dj is a saint!! i love his ideas. . what i do is squeeze his hand twice quickly. if he squeezes back fast hes there ryt now. if it takes a bit or its not in the same tempo i know he's flying. if theres no response or very weak. hes gone + i need to bring him back..
Well, I think that many of us has experimented with safe-words and other forms of "stop" orders. But my experience is, just like many others, that it really don't work in practice. When the sub is "high" she/he simply forget their own limitations and don't even consider to stop. Else who remember to say "firecar" or what ever. While gagged a ball in a hand can be used. But who remember to hold it getting whipped.
So it's just to know the subs limitations and else simply use your common sense and else notice the subs body language to stop in time.
Else it's very important, to know all about both your own and the subs limitations on beforehand. All to many relations has been ruined by "But I thought you knew" or "But I thought that you liked that"
For subs that are gagged, I tell them to make V-signs with their hands if they are in trouble. I would use the thing-to-drop if I were trying something very edgy where they might be too confused for finger signs.
I would always start a new relationship with safewords/signals because I don't know the sub and might not be able to read hir signs of distress. It's always a big step in the relationship when I tell a sub sie no longer has a safeword. But even with a well known sub, I would have a safeword/signal if I were doing something new or risky.
If she is gagged I prefer to use signs language (a specific letter). In cases of bondage a ball to squeeze is something practical and easy
interesting post and good to know on my part. I like the idea of using a piece of sign language when gagged, i'll need to remember that.
Hmmm... when do I get the healing hands and the animals all being friendly to me? More seriously... when do I get martyred... Its nice to know these things in advance so I can buff up my pecs for when the Italian Renaissance artists are sketching me for the half naked martyr stained glass windows :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Wickedlust
With reference to some of the comments about it not working in practise, I agree. No system is ever perfect and will never be 100% effective in practise and when you add endorphins and adrenaline and testosterone into the mix you amp up that liklihood of forgetting what the signal is. This is why you always have back ups. I agree with the points about safe signals being sometimes a goad to push harder. I know from my own experience that I have gone further than I would normally because I knew I had a safe word. Having it made me not want to use it to end the session. Odd reversal... Ths is why you need the Dom/me keeping a careful eye as well.
With regards to what to use I think the method would depend on the couple involved and the activity. Some methods of silent safe wording will not work for some couples or for some activities - some of the reasons are already discussed above. You do need to think about what you intend to use and whether it is practical or not.