Do you ever get angry at your Dom? Do you express it? How? If you don't, how do you deal with it?
Does your Dom ever apologize?
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Do you ever get angry at your Dom? Do you express it? How? If you don't, how do you deal with it?
Does your Dom ever apologize?
i can get furious with my dom - usually when i feel like He is ignoring me or not giving me the attention i want.
i recognise it as childish - He really never does anything to truly deserve my anger.
As to expressing it - sometimes. Usually i come to my senses and get over it before i feel the need to say something.
If i am silly enough i express it when i am still really angry and in and accusing way, full of You did/ didn't do this and i want that. And that's never a good idea, because He deals with me like the child i am acting like - says He won't continue conversation unless i speak reasonably and with respect, then punishes me, NOT for feeling the anger but for the disrespectful way i express it.
If i express it in a more sensible and respectful way, not in the heat of the moment but calmly tell Him i am upset about something and tell Him the reasons, He will talk to me and explain His position and sometimes reasons and talk me through my reactions and over reactions.
He's yet to apologise to me - but He's also yet to do anything that really warrants an apology.
i think it's probably impossible to have a close relationship with anyone without getting angry with them sometimes. And some Doms especially know just what buttons to push with their subs cause they know them so well. But i personally don't recommend confronting your Dom in anger.
Hope this helps
Bottling up anger is the quickest way to resentment, and when it comes to being submissive, resentment leads to guilt and self-loathing, because "I shouldn't feel that way!"
I think, in the end, it boils down to respect. My husband respects me enough to care when something He has done (inadvertantly or not) upsets me. I respect Him enough to put forth the effort into communicating that anger in a way that is not unhealthy- I've never been one for confrontation, but I was raised by two extremely passive-aggressive people and it's something I have to watch out for. He helps me with that, knowing that communicating anger isn't easy for me.
Communicate, for sure! Just do it respectfully. This means that you should never agree that something is resolved unless you really feel that way, and once it's been resolved it needs to be put to pasture. You know all the pitfalls there, I'm sure, with not bringing up the past as a weapon and the like.
Besides, a good Dom will want to know what makes you angry. It gives the Dom a better understanding of you. This ultimately leads to better sex. And better sex makes the world go 'round. ;)
Oh yeah, it also leads to better communication and stuff.
Do you ever get angry at your Dom?
Yes of course.
Do you express it?
Yes I do. Sometimes too much so. Giggles.
How?
Ussually by throwing what he calls a little hissy fit lol, at least until he puts his foot down. Sometimes though i voice my displeasure more intellegently and initiate a dialog. Most of the time that works best.
If you don't, how do you deal with it?
I meditate and try to analize the situation to see why i am really mad. It isnt good for me to brood on it so much as deal with it.
Does your Dom ever apologize?
Yes when he is in the wrong he apologizes and ussually so fast i dont realize he is at the time, When he isnt in the wrong never does he apologize(nor would i want him too, we ussually allways come to a consensus one way or the other and never ever do we go to bed angry at one another.
We are both human beings and quite fallable. Just becuase he is my owner and i his slave doesnt mean its allways a rose garden. We are not perfect no one is.
yes!!!Quote:
Originally Posted by rachel06
it depends on how angry i am and why, sometimes i shout, curse, storm off and sulk in the bedroom head feeling sorry for myself and dumb for acting so stupid but not being able to express that, or i can be just generally defiantQuote:
Originally Posted by rachel06
if im 'little' then i tend to have tantrums ..i actually bust my ankle one time and ended up at a&e lol...and ive been known to throw things around.
i do have an anger problem though due to an emotional disorder so mine tends to be way out of proportion.
Does your Dom ever apologize?[/QUOTE]
yes without hesitation, if he feels there's something to apologise for.
Do you ever get angry at your Dom?
You mean just today or...LOL.
On a serious note, yes - of course I do. He gets frustrated, I get angry - its all part of life. This year has been very good, very peaceful for us, I don't know if we have gotten so comfortable with each other or if this is just intermission in the game of life - but earlier, it was a constant rollercoaster.
Do you express it?
Yes, I express it. I am a terrible lier and I cant hide anything from Him anyway, He knows me too well.
How?
Depends what I am angry about. If I actually have a reason - we talk it out. On a few issues it was necessary for us to have the same conversation over and over until He finally got it, lol.
My Husband is a very calm personality, very rational, patient, considerate - and its what I love about Him and why we get along but sometimes you just want some kind of reaction and it irritates me like crazy. Ashamed to say it, but more than once I expressed my anger on Him (ie. threw a temper tantrum), just because He was the closest.
If you don't, how do you deal with it?
He doesn't react to my anger, instead He goes even more blank. He spanks it out of me. We talk it out. - Not necessarily in that order, lol.
A quote from my blog that may be pertinent:
"Never say anything - you don't mean, just to be pointlessly hurtful - that you wont be able to take back.
That American myth - "never go to bed angry" aka "argue till you drop" is pure crap and leads straight to the Divorce Court.
Morning is often smarter than the evening - its hard to argue out of spite or about silly things with a man who just held you through the night.
Don't forget to talk - but communication isn't just talking - even when arguing don't deny physical contact or shy away from makeup sex."
Does your Dom ever apologize?
Yes, when He is wrong. Alas, He is rarely wrong.
Yes, I get angry at my dom/significant friend -- I don't think 2 people can be together with out tempers flaring once i awhile. I usually try to wait until I calm down to express that I'm upset. But if both of us get angry at the same time --and nasty words are exchanged --it's harder to get past. Always better to try to communicate rationally. If he is wrong -then he will apologize. If I'm wrong I usually try groveling a bit. I guess it depends how angry we become. If I don't express my anger --I find I start picking on stupid things --by now he realizes this means something is wrong--and will usually say --slow down manda -tell me whats wrong. He's real good at getting me to talk about problems and usually is good at listening and understanding.
Yes I do occasionally get angry with him. Not nearly as much as I used to now that I have set rules to follow and know what's expected of me though.Quote:
Originally Posted by rachel06
I do express it at times. It really depends on what I'm really angry about. Did he really do something to make me angry or am I just angry with myself for being an idiot? Sometimes when feelings of anger creep up on me I need to take a few moments to reflect on what's really bothering me. However, if I am upset with Master for something I let him know. He can usually tell before I have a chance to mention though as I have a tendency to pout. LOL
Typically he'll ask me what's wrong, I'll hem and haw about it and finally tell him and in telling him realize that it was silly and had nothing to be angry about to began with. And if he feels he was wrong, yes he will apologize. A real man can do that with no problem, it just might not happen as quickly as we'd like, but it does happen.
I no longer scream and holler and have temper tantrums as I did in the past. Knowing my place helped fix that right up. Plus knowing that I can get spanked for being a brat is a good deterrent for acting up. ;) Unless of course, I'm in the mood for a good ass whooping, in which case I could just as easily ask for one.
Let me begin with this- I am a hellspawn slave. Now let me clarify- I am exactly the bitchy, opinionated, abrasive, domineering person that my Master created me to be. He has no problem with me telling a dick that he is acting like a dick... even if he is the "dick" in question. That said, there is a cut off point, where all anger and expressions thereof WILL stop. If I push past that point, consequences are severe. I do get angry with him frequently, and am always encouraged to be open and honest about my feelings. That does not include flying off the handle though, and acting like a complete cunt. When it comes to expressing anger (or anything else) to other people, I have free rein to speak my mind and be as dominant as I naturally am; he wants and expects that of me. However, I am his slave and he fought a long fight to finally win my complete submission and surrender. He does not allow me an inch past the line in the sand... ever. And yes, he does apologize when he knows that he has handled something in a way he should not have. That is his judgement call, but he is also extremely fair.Quote:
Originally Posted by rachel06
hellspawn slave? LOL Someone might have *looks at the floor* described me as *plays with her hair* once or twice *pouts* as a "submissive from hell" *blinks innocently*
Welcome to the library,
:wave:
Adriana
What a good question, I can not answer since I do not have a Dom *grin* BUT can say this, I piss my subs of often, as they do me.I think that is only natrual in any type of relationship, to me it isn't in the pissing off, but in the what follows that matters. If the relationship is healthy, and you want to keep it healthy, then communication is the key. AFTER you(both) have cooled off, then you should sit down and talk about what and why you are pissed,discuss how to eleviate the situation and perhaps reduce the risk of it reoccuring.If I am in the wrong I will appoligise, if the sub has made a valid point, and it is one I agree with , I will do my best to try to not have the incident happen again.....~Wyked~
LOL... thanks for the welcome! :)Quote:
Originally Posted by AdrianaAurora
lmao yes, no one can piss me off like He can. I swear, He's talented! Yes, if I get angry with Him, I tell Him about it. Most of the time I can say it in a calm way. My words might not be calm, but my voice is, and -that- is half the battle! He listens to anything I have to say, no matter how important, or trivial. If He was wrong, it might take His stubborn ass a little while to admit it, but He will. He always apologizes when there is a need. But, if it turns out it was all my fault, I'll apologize too! *snorts* I hate that part.
lol i wonder how many other subs could say exactly the same..IH somehow manages to piss me off more than anyone else ever has done! yet out of anyone ive ever known he's the one i get on best with.Quote:
Originally Posted by SubmissiveDoll
I agree whole heartedly on that one. He's my best friend, and I think it takes that kind of friendship to be able to really know what will piss you off and what won't. Arg, sometimes I wanna strangle the life out of Him! Other times I want to kiss His face off. *sigh* Damn Doms! lolQuote:
Originally Posted by icey
yes I do... normally it's not when we're playing. one time that really sticks out for me was that he just wasn't taking me seriously so, what's the one thing that makes everyone stop and listen? I started crying >.> it was mean and dirty and it was my absolute last resort so I hope that gives you guys an idea of how bad it was...
I started crying to get his attention on how important the subject was so I could explain myself properly without being made trivial of.
he did apologize in the end so all was well
My temper can flare quite quickly but I can also be broody and resentful. (What a charming picture I am painting!)
With the latter, my Master is patience personified while I hum and haw and finally get off my chest what's bothering me. I love the way he never gets drawn in to my emotional pitch but really listens. It's perfect for me.
As far as my temper flares are concerned, I have been know to swear at my Master and my sense of outrage at the time makes me think that if I feel that way, I must be allowed to express it. But the rules are, respectful address always. So I'll get punished for the expression, but never for telling him what's wrong.
And yes, he does apologise if he gets something wrong which makes me feel very secure and warm towards him.