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I was noticing in another post that some Doms actually prefer "fiesty" subs. I understand the reasoning behind this totally and completely. I mean, what fun is it to "break" a domesticated horse? A wild horse is much more of a challenge and a greater victory. But, my question is...
Is strength a turn on or a turn off? Just interested in the answers.
As a dominant you have to earn the submission of your sub. In other words a strong sub will require their dominant to be stronger still, before they will submit. This is indeed a challenge and as a dominant it will keep you on your toes. As far as an aphrodisiac, well yes, a person who is confidant in themselves and has a strong personality is apt to be confidant about their own sexuality. And a person who is confidant and comfortable with their own sexuality is a definite turn on.
Barton
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dslave
There's a HUGE difference between a "fiesty" "submissive" and a strong submissive. A fiesty submissive that wants to be "tamed" or acts like a brat just to get a spanking isn't strong, she's manipulative.
Submissives, actual submissives, should be strong, but they can draw their strength from knowing they are pleasing without being manipulative and can have an opinion without being a smartass.
A brat, or a "tame me" type submissive are not turn-ons to me at all. They are nuisances that give good submissives bad names.
I agree. Being fiesty doesn't mean you are strong, they are two different things, and I was reffering to two different things in my post. Though, both can be combined.Quote:
There's a HUGE difference between a "fiesty" "submissive" and a strong submissive.
Yes, a sub can be both strong and feisty at the same time. However the distinction between a strong(feisty) sub and a manipulator is a fine one. A sub who tries to control or direct things is a manipulator and not worth much time or effort.
Barton
I tend to think that if you are manipulating you are not much of a submissive at all because that really ISN'T submitting by any sense of the word. "Submissives" like that give real/true submissives a bad name, IMO. Again, just my opinion.Quote:
A sub who tries to control or direct things is a manipulator and not worth much time or effort.
Honestly I was reading a bit of what was said about "fiesty" subs being manipulative. Honestly I can categorize myself as fiesty but not manipulative. I don't try to get punished or anything- it's not my intention. I just find it difficult to give up control, whether I want to or not. There's just something that makes it hard to obey but I do want to be better. I was wondering if anyone has any advice on how to get a better mindset on it. I mean, I want to make him happy but find it hard to really just give up. I know I probably sound like a "bad" sub. By saying this I am only hoping that one of you might be able to offer me a better outlook than the way I am currently looking at it. Thanks.
-Mowmow
Hi Mowmow, i guess the first question has to be is the D/s side of things your kink as well as his/hers? Or is this something that you are trying to go along with to keep someone happy?.
If its not really your cup of tea initialy then submission is much more of a challenge, im sure your partner is very aware of the pleasures ahead if you can adopt the submissive mindset but you may be having trouble "seeing it" as it were, although i must admit taking someone who is not that way inclined naturally and converting them, although much more difficult, is very satisfying..
I had similar issues with my sub but you really do have to try to "let go"..
One way around it to enable you to commit fully to this is to agree to give in to it completely, and agree to keep an open mind, and if you trust your partner try to take the "try anything once" approach, but to enable you to feel comfortable keep a safety net in place that you will submit for a set number of weeks to allow yourself to experience different things a couple of times to see if you grow into them, to experience being set rules to live by and to adjust to the feeling of control, with the safety net in place you may feel more comfortable about trying things out without feeling llike its forever, then after the period you can sit down and say "liked that", "hated that never again" etc..And iron out something more long term that works for both of you....Letting go of the preconceptions and stereotypes that you may have been bought up to expect of a relationship is the key and you hopefully may discover a whole new way of living that feels more comfortable and natural than the old one, hard as it may seem to accept at this point
You can be fiesty and not manipulative but once you get into the manipulative I believe that really isn't submitting. There is a difference between playful and obstinant. A fiesty sub, to me, is playful, a manipulative sub is much more on the lines of obstinant (trying to hold out, top the Dom and manipulate the situation, refusing to give in or give... or submit) and to me that just isn't being submissive. And I agree with the previous reply, if you are not in the right mindset or it isn't coming naturally maybe it isn't the thing for you. However, being fiesty and playful, not giving in right away maybe but eventually giving in might work for the right partner and does not mean you aren't submissive and could be fun as long as you aren't promising to submit and then not. For instance, alot of subs have rape fantasies and they don't submit at first but they do eventually submit. And, it is the submitting that is important for a submissive so that is usually their main goal even if the scene doesn't begin that way.Quote:
Honestly I can categorize myself as fiesty but not manipulative.
I don't know if I'd use the word "fiesty" for myself, but I'd find total and unquestioned compliance boring. For me (us) half the fun is pushing limits. Making her do things she is apprehensive about, and then seeing how much she enjoys it is half the fun.Quote:
Originally Posted by Dslave
I like a bit of 'feisty-ness', she knows it's wrong to resist but does it anyway, and then pays for it at my leisure. Marvellous.
Merged thread A "Good" sub Question with Aphrodisiac
FF
I am a bottom, rather than a submissive anyway, but I am hurt by the idea that by being feisty I am being manipulative and giving subs a bad name. For me the excitement comes from having control over myself to be able to take punishment or tortures beyond what I initially thought were possible. I see being feisty as a challenge to a dominant to break me whilst I am trying to keep my composure. Obviously fighting a dominant and trying to stop them doing as they will is a completely different matter and shows a lack of respect for the person in charge of the scene. I just like being able to answer "that hurt didn't it" with "no, is that all you've got" fully aware that no it isn't and that more is coming my way :D........... This said I am not a proper submissive and BDSM is a fun game to play rather than a lifestyle choice, so will probably be flamed, but I felt like I should throw my 2c into the ring.
First off, this isn't meant to "flame" you. As I said, you can still be fiesty and a sub (at least, in my book) but I just believe when someone that calls themselves a "submissive" that isn't willing to "submit" is sort of a contradiction and that is where I personally draw the defining line. From what you describe, you actually seem to be more of a masochist than anything. I should know, I am one. lolQuote:
Originally Posted by juzam