Here is the thing

I have been working on this story for awhile now and want see if anyne thinks its too long or is just plan bad. It is unfinished and is a rough darft but i wanted to test the waters with this story. So, here it is; i hope you enjoy.

A Beast at Heart
By: Walkingdude225
Part 1
It was a warm September afternoon. The leaves were starting to turn colors, and the nip of winter was in the air. In the town of Middlefyngor Ohio; the High School was getting ready to play Burntown (a town rival). It was also important since the rival was having their homecoming that night. So it was more then a game; but it was war between the two towns. The buses were getting ready to take off for Burntown (the rival town).
There was a convoy of cars waiting to follow the buses out of town. Then when every band player got their instrument and every football player was accounted for they were off. The procession was a continuous line of buses and cars. As they passed through the empty town every one had seemed to have left for the game. Yes, everyone but one house with a girl looking out her bedroom window at the fleet of cars that went threw Main Street towards the game.
Erika was the girl’s name. She looked outside her window when she needed a break from the book she was reading. Erika was not into sports, and even she was she would probably not be welcome to go anyways. Her bedroom was a testament to the reason. Her bedroom was decorated in chains; with walls painted black with spots of red to give the room a grotesque look and feel; filled with whips and mock torture machinery that she had created; there were picture of monsters both real and fictional taped to her walls; selves were full of books on sadism ideals.
She looked at the cars; smiled, and she went back to her reading. Then she heard a sound on the roof. She went back to her reading then she heard it again. Erika then put her book down and went to the window. She opened the window and looked outside. Erika found a girl of her age sitting on the roof watching the cars as well. Erika smiled, climbed out on to the roof, and sat near the girl.
“Leala, why aren’t you at the game?” Erika asked with a smile. Leala just looked at her “I wanted to make sure you were not alone that’s all”. Leala and Erika were friends since childhood. They were more then best friends. In a way they were sisters since they met in third grade. During high school the two girls start to form there personalities. Erika was more dark and an outsider; while Leala was the opposite; lighthearted and popular.
However, no matter what the two girls were close. After High school they even at this time went to the same local college together. So in a way Erika knew that Leala was going to stay behind. Leala looked at Erika “where are your foster parents?” Erika just rolled her eyes “where else would they be at this time of day; smashed.” The two girls laughed but they both knew it was sadly all true. Leala stretched out on the roof “So what do you want to do; girl?” Erika just looked at Leala and smiled.
Leala knew what she was thinking “If I wanted to be a slave to your twisted desires. Believe me girl; I would be already chained up in your basement.” Erika Just laughed “Leala, I would never keep you in the clod basement. I would chain you close to my nice soft warm bed; girl, so I could have you as a flesh toy, and I could play with any time I want.”
Leala Just looked at Erika “naked?” Erika looked up at the sky with a lazy smile “MMM…” Leala stood up and blocked Erika’s view and in a sarcastic tone “Erika?!” The young woman got up and put her arms around her friend’s neck “Not naked; but in leather since you know how much I love leather.” The two girls laughed at Erika’s dark joke.

Part 2
Erika and Leala sat back down on the roof again. Erika asked Leala “You still believe in the feared Homecoming sacrifice?” Leala just turned to Erika “Well, it’s weird how many people just disappeared after every homecoming game”. Erika just started to laugh at Leala. For you see between the two towns there was a legend of a monster in the fairgrounds of Burntown. On each homecoming night since anyone could recall the two high school teams would play to se which town had to feed the monster that year. They said that the poor soul was lowered in an old well as the rest of the towns folk watched. It was also said that Middlefyngor never lost a game thus far to Burntown.
So if the legend was true that meant someone they knew would be feed to this thing. Leala shivered as Erika laughed. This went on till cars started to come back. They drove slow and very eerie. The convoy had no car playing music; and all of the cars had there windows up. It was almost like the people where looking for something…or someone.
Then after some time the cars start to encircle Erika’s house. The two looked at each other as Erika’s bedroom window opened behind them. It was Erika’s foster parents who were drunk to the point they were dreaming with there eyes open. “Bitch, Get in the car now… it’s times to earn your keep, Bitch.” Erika and her friend stood up then walked up to Stan “Or what, Stan!?”
With that four men came rushing onto the roof and grabbing Erika and dragging her into the house. As others knocked and pinned down Leala. “Erika!” Leala cried out in rage as Erika tried to fight off her attackers. “Leala; don’t fight them save yourself, save yourself!” she cried in anger and terror at what was happening to her. As she was forced into one of the cars she saw her friend being tied and left on the roof as her attackers climbed off into their cars.
It took three grown men to keep Erika down as they drove to the fairgrounds of Burntown. They pulled up then carried her to the far back of the area where there was a large group of people standing around a rather large stone well that sat in the middle of the land. Erika had always seen the well from distance and never thought of. “I knew there was a reason why you assholes never did anything with this well.” Erika said to her captures. She felt her head being pulled from behind then hear the person behind her speak it was the voice of the mayor.
“Now, whore you will see what evil really is for you have haunted our county for far too damn long!” The mayor then punched her in the back then walked off “Tie her to the poles, the demon in the pit will be awake soon and it will be hungry.” Meanwhile back on the roof Leala was tiring to get her ropes off. She had grabbed a large piece of broken beer bottle left on the roof.
Then she slowly started to cut the ropes careful so not to cut herself. At last she was out she pushed her heavy ropes off of her body and then raced towards her car. She flew out of the village towards Burntown hoping what ever danger Erika was in; it was not too late to save her. As Leala drove to Erika’s aid. Erika was already stripped and tied to two poles that faced the stone well. The mob now danced around the well as a low rumble could be felt and heard from the well.
The mob steep away to the tree line as the sound slowly climbed up the deep well. Erika was ready for anything at this point. She thought to herself “Come on, stop with the foreplay already and get it over with; you got me to play with. So if you got the balls lets play; I’m ready damn it!” With that four long tentacles that were reddish in color come out of the well. They slowly worked their way over Erika’s body. Erika just smiled thinking to her self that this could be fun after all.
The tongue colored tentacles wrapped themselves around Erika’s body that at this point had a lazy smile of enjoyment on her face. Then she heard a sweet sounding female voice “Girly girl, girly girl” she turned her head to the left and right. The voice called to her again she turned her head around. “Over hear, in the well sugar body.” She turned towards the well to see a pair of glowing yellow eye staring at her. Erika just smiled as the voice kept talking. “Girly girl, I know you down want to die, and I don’t have the belly to gulp you down.” It finally hit Erika what was waiting for her in the well. She felt betrayed by all who doomed her to this fate. Then the tentacles lifted her body up and pulled her closer towards the well.
The voice kept talking to Erika “so I’ll give you a choice; I could consume you completely, or I could show you pleasures you have never dreamed of before.” Erika now above the well thought about the terms. The people around the well could not hear the voice coming from the well, nor could they hear Erika’s answer. Leala and just then reach the well. She only saw Erika being pulled into the well. The mayor and the town’s people cheer as Leala scream in horror. The town’s people turn towards the young woman the town’s people then started to come close to Leala.
Then out from the well black liquid gushers from it as a creature jumped from the well; it landed next to Leala. The creature screamed “leave her alone!” To Leala shock it was the voice of Erika. Then the creature turned to Leala then she saw that the creature as Erika now a hellish demon-like creature. Erika only smiled “I’m going to have fun with this girl” as she jumped away chasing away the town’s people as she went. Leala could only look at her friend. She got into her go and started to follow Erika. She knew where she was heading fore. Back to her home and back to her foster parents.
Part 3
Erika felt alive as she jumped across the landscape towards her home; she was beyond pain and morality. It did not take her long that she reached her foster parents’ home. Her foster mother (Alice) was drinking in the kitchen with Stain. She licked her lips as she crashed through the kitchen window. Erika garbed Alice by the neck and lifted Alice off with one hand and in a spilt second she garb Stan’s ankle with the other. The two looked on in horror at this blue color she-demon that now had them. “I have taken you two’s bull shit for the last time!” to their horror the voice was that of Erika.
Erika slammed Alice on to the kitchen table and then knocking Stan’s head and the table’s corner. The two now were knocked out and were at the mercy of a 12 ft tall blue monster named Erika. Erika dragged the two up the stairs and up to her room. Erika then grabbed two and set of