Is is possible?

Ok for the past few months...I have been wondering what it would be like for my Dom to have another girl besides me, It's always been such a touchy subject with me because I've never been a " Sharer" in any sense of the word.

I'm not saying it's bad, It's just that I used to not be able to see myself sharing a person besides for maybe one night at time.

But lately the idea has been strong on my mind, and I'm finding my self liking the idea more and more. Well It came up the other night in a conversation with Mr. Tomcat and It came as both a shock to me and him. But we both agreed on the idea and it's something we both would like to try. I've seen many D/s relationships work like this, with the right set of rules and such, so I know they can work and be long term things.

But here's my question...

Is it possible for a person who used to frown apon " Sharing", to be able to actually share?

Any comments good or bad, are really welcome, I'm just a curious kitty *smiles*

I'm so glad you asked this question. I am NOT a "sharer", hell i dont even like to share my personal things much less my heart/Master/Other Half/ <--insert cute name here. But i am now in a poly relationship and i am finding it SO very hard to deal. I find that jealousy creeps in way more then it should and it makes me question; Him, me, and her. The way we work is weird. She is dominate over him, and he is dominate over me. Like a trickle down effect. But still the jealous factor is still there, and its something that i NOW look at as a good thing. I used to get very bent out of shape about it and all my insecuirites came out and i just made the situation all that much more worse on myself. But, like i said i now look at it like a good thing, something to help me work on my jealous issues, something to make me stronger, and something to just help me over all. Its like making lemonade out of lemons

anyway, if you are okay with it, and set out rules and what not, and he is fine with it then go ahead, more power to you. Just please understand that just becuase in theory you are okay with it that your feelings may change when you see him with her.

Is there any way for you to say 'id like to bow out of this poly relationship, im not comfortable' ?

also would you have any hand in what was going on, like Domming her, or submitting to her? Or would you just be watching? Or would he just be watching and Domming you two at the same time? Sorry if these are personal questions its just..it plays a big role in how you would feel emotionally.

im not saying i am the best advice giver on this subject, but i have warmed up to it, in a harsh way. Almost like stepping into a burning hot shower. But i have talked to many openly poly people on this library and got great advice. I also keep a journal, for when im feeling depressed or trapped to just let out my feelings and just get it all out, plus i can talk to my "Master" about it also.


Just keep open communication.

wow im rambleing. Sorry if it didnt help. Good luck

"Is there any way for you to say 'id like to bow out of this poly relationship, im not comfortable' ?

also would you have any hand in what was going on, like Domming her, or submitting to her? Or would you just be watching? Or would he just be watching and Domming you two at the same time? Sorry if these are personal questions its just..it plays a big role in how you would feel emotionally."

We've agreed on him being the only Dom in the relationship, I have no want or need to Dom over another myself, Tho if the question came up to her possibly Takeing a tiny bit of control over me, I would not object to it totally..I would try it and if I did'nt like I would be able to back out of it any time

Same with if my feelings change towards the whole situation, Any of us would be able to back out of the relationship at any point, One of the major rules if someone isnt happy and it cant be resloved then we end it...with no hard feelings.

Were just trying to keep it happy, kind of like a kid testing the water with there toes for the first time *giggles*

And Thank you :)

Before one can share a Sir/Master with someone I feel that a connection has to be in place prior the union. I will not share MasterStone with anyone i feel is not deserving of Masters talents. Before the other party joined they would be required to live up to my expectations. However, once you really think about it there is nothing hotter than seeing two people you love fucking each other. :)

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Originally Posted by tommiecat

But here's my question...
Is it possible for a person who used to frown apon " Sharing", to be able to actually share?

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To change your mind, and be willing to change it, is not only possible but necessary for intelligent, thinking people. This is how you grow mentally. You are going to change your mind many times for the rest of your life. You will make 180 degree turns in your thinking on an issue......and often sometime in the future go back 180 degrees. It's common to be very opinionated an a topic for years, and then experience something that makes you suddenly ambivalent about it. It sometimes happens that you will take one position when certain circumstances are present (e.g. you have children still being reared in the home) and then reverse that position when those circumstances change (e.g. the nest becomes empty).

I'm not referring to topics in which the stereotypical ditzy female can't make up her mind. I'm talking about cultural, political, religious, social, and philosophical topics. Sharing, or polyamory, is a topic that falls in at least 3 of those categories. It's a serious topic for any of us to digest and might be one that you change your thinking on more than once.

The day you need to start worrying is the day you realize you are incapable of change. It probably means you're dead. I'm old enough to have experienced a lot of this. You're just beginning. Take my word for it.....it will happen.....unless you're in a coma.

DIXIE

Maybe you could try the one night at a time first and see how you like it before trying to find someone more permanent? That way you might have a better idea of what and doesn't work for you.

b

Sure its possible but will take some hard work and understanding and everyone involved has to know their role.

Yes it is not easy to share sumthing you lik or even love with others. its almost lik having 2 share ur favorite toy wit sum1 wen ur the only child. but it will get betta. i think u should approach the situation slowly cuz u jus might lik it.

definitly try it out for one day, just a one time thing, n talk about it. and you may also decide after awhile that you want to take a more active role with the other person. but talk about what is going on, and that should, notice i say should, not definitly, keep jealousy and problems from arising, and not being answered.

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Originally Posted by new@thisbut<3it

definitly try it out for one day, just a one time thing, n talk about it. and you may also decide after awhile that you want to take a more active role with the other person. but talk about what is going on, and that should, notice i say should, not definitly, keep jealousy and problems from arising, and not being answered.

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I agree, how strong is your relationship?
If you will become jealous watching your master with another slave then I would say DEFINITELY do not share
But if will excite you to watch your master then definitely do it

I gather you are comfortable with the idea of being with another woman
If you can't see yourself making love to another woman DON'T do it

Oh Well that is my thoughts for all they are worth

I used to be totally allergic to the idea of sharing. I felt really insecure about it, and with good reason, at times. However, I was involved with one fellow who made it a possibility for me, largely because of his attitude. Not only was he an excellent communicator, but he was very sensitive to everyone's needs, checking in and double checking, making sure everyone was taken care of, etc. I knew exactly where I stood with him (#2; his primary was in another state) and I could trust that he would seek out and take care of my needs, and everyone elses' too. It was really hot to hold her legs for him, spread her pussy for him, hold her from behind and help her arch her back . . .

Now I'm married, and we have a bit of an open relationship -- we can bring home a girl once in a while, provided we're both in on it. This has been one really good way for me to fulfill my desires for girls. (Frankly, they're just nicer to look at!) But we have really clear rules, and knowing I can trust those makes it easier. For us, it's a one-time only deal. We also monitor for letting that desire get in the way of our commitment to each other. For me, the stability of our relationship, and the trust I have, makes this possible. Plus, I'm the one who gets to initiate it, which helps to reinforce that I have control over the experience.

If you're interested, and you feel that your relationship is in the right place to try it out, I'd encourage you to try picking someone up for a night, just to see how it goes. Be sure the rules are really clear, and also that the person you're picking up knows what the situation is, to be fair to everyone involved. When you're in the right place, it can be super hot; when you're not, it can feel awful. I hope you keep us up to date! Good luck exploring.

i know its possible, with the right rules, training, and right master its possible (its not working for me that well coz my master is new to it all when it comes to multiple people and indepth emotional care of another) but it can work out it just takes alot of patience to deal with it in the begining

I dont see why not is evreyone involved understands that they will have to share and share alike and that any jealousy issues need to be openly communicated with all parties in advance.

My very first bdsm relationship was a polyamorius one with a male dominant and female submissive.

They were a married couple. I allways made sure that my participation in thier relationship did not overshadow thier pre-existing relationship. They and I agreed that alltough all things are not nessesarally equal due to the inherent hierarchy of a bdsm relationship (in our case He as dom, her as first girl and me as the new or low girl) that we must all have equal sharing priveleges with one another and equal say in the progression of the relationship.

In other words no sub/dom gets left behind physically or emeotionally and that is the hardest thing to accomplish in any poly arangment.

Good luck to the three of you!!

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Originally Posted by denuseri

In other words no sub/dom gets left behind physically or emeotionally and that is the hardest thing to accomplish in any poly arangment.

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Right on the nail!
And good luck from me too :-)