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I'd like to talk to any subs in a vanilla marriage...those who are living a bdsm lifestyle and those who just fantasize about living it.
Have you told your spouse anything about your fantasy?
why or why not?
For those who are seeking fulfillment outside their marriage, how are you managing?
if you want to answer but don't want to post a public reply, pm me.
Thanks a bunch.
I am a sub in a vanilla marriage. I told my hubby from the beginning all of my dreams and fantasys and sites i ran into and sent him emails of interesting or erotic things i read. I singed him up to receive bdsm glossary entries on a daily basis so he could learn the language.
Course he balked and was unsure but I took it slow and did everything I could to help him be comfortable. We eventually had a intense series of discussions where we agreed that its pretty impossible to make another person "soley" responsible for "every" facet of there needs. We also said out loud something we had already known and that is after 9 years of marriage we trust each other. We aren't insecure in our love and commitment.
Turned out he was feeling the pressure of being everything to me and I was feeling the pressure of being there for him 24/7. So we hammered out an agreement of some additional things he gets to do and mine was that I got to look for a dom. We also then discussed the rules to make it comfortable for him. 1 being no vaginal intercourse and he gets to approve the person etc.
Im glad im able to communicate with him and be honest. If I had not been eventually I would have strayed to get the "need" met. I would have felt that I was not cheating on him since I was not giving my heart and I was willing to be honest. But it would have bothered me terribly because I know he would have considered it to be so. Which of course would make it cheating regardless of how i felt.
So I got my dom. As time has gone on he has gotten more comfortable though still growing at a slower pace than i am. He has discovered that he is sub as well. We have played at roleplay and switching. I have dommed him and he has dommed me. I have had my dom over to our house to play in front of hubby and he watched and participated. His comfort has grown so that now i have a 2nd casual play partner.
Our vanilla marriage has gotten a whole lot more more communication and rules. Also whole lot kinkier and satisfying!!
*knocking side of the head*
Oh... same avatar but different names...
:dunno: LOL, threw me off for second too. :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Ozme52
shyslut...
Thanks for all the info...sounds like you've got the best of both worlds. He sounds pretty open minded.
hope it continues to work for both of you.
ps...i LOVE your avatar.:rolleyes: