Help! How do you talk to the gyno? Sex isn't fun anymore!

I have had 2 incision and marsupializations of bartholin's gland cysts- one on each side. They still flair up on occassion, and I've mentioned it to the Dr a couple times and he always says "as long as it goes back down, its ok"

And if i tell him its generally after sex, he tells me it's normal.

But I feel like it happens much too easily, and the would-be-cysts take too long to recede. It just isn't acceptable to me that my sex life is interupted so often and so easily. But the Dr says he is unwilling to do surgery unless anything major goes wrong again, and there is nothing else to be done, and eventually everything will readjust, and the tubes will open up and not get clogged so often and easily.

Add on to this that sometimes the vaginal walls feel abused much too easily, getting sore and tender after 2 or 3 average (by your standards, probably gentle) sessions in a weekend period. It seems silly to say, but I feel like he is just too big, that his width batters me, and drags on the lips (especially the lil flap of skin that goes across the bottom of the opening, where the perineum meets the vaginal opening?) Add to that that sometimes the juices just don't flow.


Ugh. I feel like I'm being overly whiney sometimes. And other times I think I have a legitimate complaint. I can never seem to talk to the Dr about it, he kind of pushes it off- irritation is normal after sex. I don't want to switch Dr's b/c he is really knowledgeable and I really like him, but idk how to get my point across on this. Maybe there isn't even one to get across. grah.

It definitely sounds like you need to get another opinion. Not only isn't your doctor listening to you, he's dismissing completely legitimate issues (while occasional irritation after sex may occur, it isn't normal).

Find another doctor.

I agree. Ask for a second opinion (by law you are entitled...). Ok, your concerns may be unfounded from a medical point of view but that does not mean they can be ignored in such a way.

Doctors are generally loath to do surgery (especially elective) because, frankly, it is expensive (for both you as the patient and them as a health centre), takes up resources which may be better spent elsewhere and (more importantly) is dangrous. They are also often loath to listen to patient opinions if they contradict their own. I think it is something they get from training... :) Another doctor may be more inclined to listen to your concerns and address them in a sensible manner.

In the meantime... have you considered alternative methods to making your sex life easier? More lubrication may help to ease the apparent friction problem you have so try some KY jelly or almond oil. You can also try to see if he can spend more time in foreplay (look up the techniques for the Yoni massage - it may help you get in the mood). He may already be spending a lot of time in foreplay (not saying he is lacking in that department) but if you are getting sore and no lubrication it may not be enough.

Finally, consider the position you are using. If he is battering your vagina walls then it is possible that you are not in the correct position. Try a few alternative positions and if he bashes again keep moving until you find one that works.

I have to agree, get a second opinion and definitely try some more lube. *hugs*

Doctors are not gods. They don't know everything. It is YOUR body and you have a right to be comfortable in it.

In addition to finding another doctor, I would recommend trying a female one. I've had horrible experiences with male doctors (I've had problems with my nether regions since puberty) and after the last guy I tried was a complete jerk I'm never going to a man with any issue about my lady bits again. Not saying male doctors are all bad, but personally women tend to be a bit more sympathetic about those issues.

I think your doctor is being fair actually, surgery can lead to a host of other problems, he seems cautious and what he says is normal is normal. It sounds to me like you are looking to avoid something and looking to your doctor to solve your problem.

What makes me think this are your comments "by your standards" whose?? the bdsm standards society?? also your comment "It seems silly to say, but I feel like he is just too big..." This isn't silly, and maybe your pussy is trying to tell you that. Not that sex is out of the question but I think maybe you need to take care of yourself and your body is telling you you're not doing the best job so it's protecting itself.

I know for myself when I feel like I have a physical limit of my own, I feel a sense of failure, and the head dialogue goes something like... "I should be able to ____ , other people don't have this problem why me?" I have a history of pushing myself and disregarding my body's limits, this inevitably results in injury. Maybe you have to cut down your play sessions or their intensity, but I think you will have to discuss with your partner your limits and your needs.

Remember he is your doctor and you can push the issue.

In my experience, you know your body a lot better than the doctor. When something is wrong you know it, and you need to push the issue and not let them brush you off. I forced a doctor into a chest xray and it turned out I had pneumonia, when she was ready to brush me off as being crazy cause she couldn't hear anything in my lungs. It was so compacted it wasn't moving when i breathed. So listen to your body, and if you just know something isn't right and needs to be fixed, push the issue.

Even I prefer a female doctor under most circumstances. They tend to be more open to any variety of conversations... and I can only imagine how a male gyn might think of you more like a collection of parts than a young woman who should be humping her cute ass as much as possible.

ooops, sorry, I get carried away.

Don't put up with it. You can get a second opinion without giving up on doctor #1, even if he turns out to be wrong. One mistake doesn't say anything about everything else he knows.

OK, yeah, you can get a second opinion without firing your first doctor. But you can also talk to him about this interaction. Doctors are busy and stressed and sometimes they don't think about how they're coming across. Also, they are not reimbursed for time spent with a patient in any kind of reasonable way. Make an appointment for a consultation, not because you're having symptoms that need urgent treatment. Be clear to the scheduler that you have a medical issue you need to discuss in depth. Then make it clear to him that these symptoms are affecting your functioning beyond what you find tolerable. Ask him not to tell you that this is normal because that's not helpful to you.

Obviously you don't want to lobby for unnecessary surgery, but you should press him for information about how to manage your condition. Is there a specialist he can refer you to? A medical center that is doing research? To be honest, a lot of times doctors are operating on their general store of knowledge and don't specifically research your condition because they think they already have the relevant information. This has happened to me. Push him either to do research, or to send you to people who are.

Finally, USE LUBE. Honestly. It will help you.

Well I read this once, and want to read it again when I have more time, but I wanted to reply.

I really like this Dr, and actually find the thought of a female doctor more disturbing than a male. (I know, I'm strange...) So I want to try one more time. I'm going to try to better organize my thoughts though.

I think I'm going to start a journal (like when they have you do food journals hehe) for sex, and pain and wetness, swelling, etc. i'll keep track of foreplay and lube and positions too just to see if there is a pattern of stuff to avoid. Then I'll KNOW how often it happens, and whatnot.

Then if he still doesn't listen, I guess it's time to look for another opinion. :(


SP

I don't think it is strange having a preference for a male gyno. Most women who expressed a preference found their rude bits preferred it.... :) Seriously, I think women do tend to prefer male gynos and certainly in this country most gynos are male. I have to say that I find it more disturbing having a man looking at my sexual organs than a woman.

A second opinion does not necessarily mean changing doctor altogether, it just means you have another doctor look at you and say whther they agree or disagree with the first opinion.

Sometimes it is necessary to be stubborn with doctors and to insist on things strongly.... wearing a suit apparently helps with this (makes you seem professional) and acting professional also helps so if you are in a professional career treat them like a co worker you are consulting with rather than (as most treat them) an all powerful god. They may take you more seriously then.

well i was planing on waiting for a bit before I go back to the doctor because I HATE the stupid copays. And I really liked the journal idea, because part of my issue is i don't think I express my symptoms well enough...

But it is 5 am and i'm up because i have awful pain in my lower left abdomen- right where they say the ovaries and fallopian tubes are. And it feels funny there (when i run my hands over it, it feels like there is a rock hard lump or mass right where i would expect them to be, and its fairly large, like a hardened organ rather than a cyst or something) I have a lot of experience with gut pain, and it definitely isn't anything like previous intestinal discomfort, nor is it like normal cramps. I'm really worried, but I want to wait till the AM if i can, so that I can call my Dr before I just drive to the ER for (possibly, hopefuly) no reason.

If anyone has experience with that kidn of pain i'd love to hear about it...

Actually - have you tried having your dom accompany you to the doctor? My girl has problems pushing issues with the doctor when she doesn't get answers - and she was also being ignored - MD would give part answers and brush her off.

When I started attending with her the communication went way up - not because I said anything - just because I was there with her.

Might be worth a try - in most places a patient has the option of taking someone in with him/her - the doctor should have no issues.

It is probably time for (another?) internal ultrasound to see what's going on with your cysts. Perhaps something has changed.

Good luck and keep us posted, hun!

Well I went to the doc the other day, and he told me the current pain is not reproductive related, and they did an ultrasound just to be sure. (btw the other cysts were bartholins, which are glands near the vaginal walls, the cysts are entirely examinable from the outside when they appear)

So the theory of the moment is that its intestinal. I have to make an appointment to go to the other doctor and ask for all the fun tests that are required for that.

On the (plus?) side i now know that a lot of our sex problems are related to intestinal issues, because the pain that i sometimes get during sex is the EXACT same as they caused with the exams and ultrasound and what not...

i hate this. and i'm so tired lately. i wish i could just stay in bed for a week.