how to prepare for a sodomizing?

i'm looking for advice and help from anyone with more experience than me here (which is probably almost everyone). i've never done any kind of anal play - not butt plugs, not beads, nothing in my asshole at all.

my Almost-Master has stated that He would like to sodomize me. It is not so much a sexual thing, as something that He would like to make into a part of my submission. Here is what He wrote to me about it:

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I consider it to be an important aspect of submission for you to receive it at some time. Not "essential", but "important". To most subs, submission to sodomy is either more difficult than submission to whip or bondage (making it a good "goal" in its own right) or no big deal (in which case, it's simply something I get to enjoy ;)

I typically treat the sodomizing of a sub as an act of domination, and do not go out of my way to make it a pleasurable act (as one would typically define an attempt at "anal sex"). It is something you would be doing to prove your loyalty and submission. Nor do I go out of my way to make it unduly painful, I would treat it as our other activities, with continual reassurance in touch and words...

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i don't think that this is a hard "no way" limit for me. Right now, it's on my "things i need more time to work up to" list with Him. But i would be really interested for any advice or suggestions from people here who have done and enjoyed this.

Oh, one caveat ... He has said that the very first thing that He wants in my ass is Himself. So my rules won't let me start off with beads, toys, etc. Still, any advice - even reassurance that it won't be as bad as i'm imagining the pain to be - would be extremely welcome.

While that's his choice... if you've never had anything in your ass before, not even a finger, then, quite frankly, his request is a bit short sighted as your sense of submission will be everything he wants if you are not distracted by the pain/discomfort I suspect you will experience.

Whereas, fingers, slim buttplugs, up to thick buttplugs, that you can insert yourself at your own pace in advance of accepting his cock, will acclimate you to the stretching.

I have used my girl's ass many times, starting her off on buttplugs and culminating with "live entry".

It has only been recently, now that she has become accustomed to it, that I forbade her taking anything into herself prior to our meeting... and I must admit it was much more difficult for her than I expected.

Bottom line, I don't know of anything you can do to prepare if you're not allowed to physically prepare.

Oh... one thing... La Maz techniques.

Breath control can give you control over autonomic urge to tighten down.

Ditto to what Oz said. If he isn't allowing you to physically prepare there isn't anything to say. Yes it's going hurt and hurt a lot. Personally I would be concerned about him causing damage if you've had no time stretch yourself out before hand.

I'm not sure I agree with the damage statement...

Not unless you've never had a bowel movement that's as wide as a penis.

Hmm.. his fingers would be part of him so I guess you can ask that he uses them first. He probably has that planned already, and if he's done it before as his message implies, he should be familiar with the problems/risks, and just wants you to prepare mentally for it. So, I guess what I'm telling you is to trust him (if you already do), but yeah, expect some pain ;)

Ditto to all the above on preparation. You really do need to be building up your tolerance and stretching things out to help you relax. As for damage - I sort of have to disagree with Oz on this one. Some anal sphincters are a lot smaller (or at least tighter) than the average penis and need a smaller insert to get started otherwise they will tear (especially if not lubricated sufficiently).

Which reminds me of something no one has mentioned yet - lubrication. Lots of it. If he is going into you for the first time with his penis then you will need a lot of this. It will certainly make things more tolerable (but not entirely so). There is a tendancy in some fantasy BDSM porn for subs who 'take it without lube' but I have never known anyone who could do this in real life - at least not without a lot of prior training. Someone who hadn't actually done this before but had just read about it may think this is possible. Not saying that he is someone like this (I really hope not, for your sake) but it is something you need to be aware of. Chances are, he knows this and will have the lube ready. If not, you know about it now and can do something about it.

Another concern I have is safety. He should be wearing protection and that protection should be a fairly robust condom. I say this realising that he may have already thought about that and therefore being somewhat patronising but it is an important consideration in any sexual encounter - whether it be vaginal or anal or oral. Sexually transmitted diseases can be transmitted by any sexual contact and you should not be having unprotected sex with anyone, no matter how much you trust them or they claim to be 'clean', until such time as you have both been checked by a clinic.

Hope all this helps. Apologies if I am stating the obvious in some cases...

Ummm... I might have to disagree with fetishdj, I've had anal sex many many times without lube without any kind of prior 'training'. In fact, the very first time I had it, all we used was a little bit of spit. I've never really liked lubed personally- and usually prefer to get as aroused as possible to just be able to take the pain without having to deal with it.

However! I do know many people strongly advocate it's use- so I would have to say that it is probably best to use it.

You say you don't use lubrication but spit is exactly that. Ok, not as good as some lubricaton methods but still better than dry. Then you built up to doing it dry.

Some people are 'lucky' in this way and have no problem with anal - possibly due to a larger and less tight sphincter muscle or an ability to relax more easily than others. In others it is very difficult to insert even a small, smooth dildo in there without some assistance. And if you are already nervous about anal sex (as the OP clearly is) then you are unlikely to relax enough to accept it without some help. Once things have started and she realises that she enjoys it (assuming she does) then the next time may not need as much lube because she will be overall more relaxed. Everyone is different and it is this random variety which is essential for the survival of the species (though under what circumstances an ability to easily take anal sex could be essential for survival I would not like to speculate :) )

I think the point about relaxing is the most pertinent one with regards to anal sex and one of the main reasons I not only endorse lube but also butt plug training. A penis (even an erect one that is as solid as an iron bar in real life as it is in the minds of most men but not the sight of most women) is not the easiest thing to insert into a small, tight space. They tend to bend if they encounter resistance (painfully in some cases - for both parties) and that can crimp (literally) the whole encounter. So the more relaxed and ready for it the reciever is the better.

Mind you, most condom brands have some form of instrinsic lubricant in them nowadays so you may find that this helps...

Out of interest, what don't you like about lube? I tend not to use the 'commercial' stuff that is actually sold as 'sex lube', mainly because it is too expensive for what you get. I much prefer to use almond oil (which has the advantage of tasting better... :) ). Because it is a vegetable based oil rather than a mineral oil (like baby oil - which should never be let near a condom if you want to stay not pregnant) it is safe to use on latex. Just asking out of curiosity.

grrr. I just lost my whole post! Lucky for you, that means this will be the shortened version :)

I think your fears are natural and founded. It is going to hurt if there's no preparation/fun/foreplay/pleasure. Personally, I think it behooves your master to make your first experience most pleasurable and enjoyable. Being relaxed, having no fears, and taking it slow and sexy only helps create a future desire and willingness to accept forced anal. A bad first anal experience can ruin it for quite a while! And truth be told, it's possible to have the most earth shattering, body quivering, mind numbing orgasm from anal.

Lube helps, but isn't necessary... other natural lubricants created during foreplay sure can help a lot ;)

I do disagree with Oz- if roughly taken, damage can occur. It has nothing to do with the size of bowel movement you've previously passed. Not only is the sphincter and internal organs meant to push out vs. receiving, you're also not clenching your sphincter when going the bathroom. Being too tense and having your body reject a rough anal experience most certainly can damage. Rough being the operative word.

Good luck to you and I hope it goes well! You're half way there because you're open to the idea. Perhaps just your first time or two doesn't need to be forced... have the opportunity to get all hot by the idea.

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Originally Posted by erish

i'm looking for advice and help from anyone with more experience than me here (which is probably almost everyone). i've never done any kind of anal play - not butt plugs, not beads, nothing in my asshole at all.

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It appears I may not have followed the normal route to anal sex. Why should that be different from anything else?? :cool:

I've never used butt plugs or anal beads or even lube (other than what is, um, naturally available). There was no preparation or advanced warning before the guy who dragged me into this world stuck his finger in my ass the very first time we had sex. It was a new experience, and quite a shock to say the least.

After that introduction, he told me repeatedly he was going to fuck my ass, reminding me that it was going to happen but never telling me when. One day, with no notice beyond those vague statements, it did. He was not particularly harsh, nor was he very gentle. Yes, it hurt. But not as bad as I'd been worried it would. And the pain faded away fairly quickly, leaving behind waves of overwhelming sensation.

So while my introduction to anal sex wasn't the orthodox, gradual, progression of plugs and stretching, I can't really complain about the end result. Hopefully it will work out similarly for you!!

Good advice, all of you. Thanks.

Like anything involving my beloved (almost) pet erish, this is something we are going to build up to. I was planning a training sequence sort of like this:

1) start with a little washing and external massage with lubricant.

2) insertion of a well lubricated finger tip.

3) internal massage. I've found this works a lot better than butt-plugs or any type of "stretching". There's nothing that needs to be "stretched", just trained to relax. Fingers have a sense of touch, to feel their way around the inside of a sphincter, feel muscle tension, and massage it away. No butt-plugs yet. Personally, I find them more dangerous than fingers. Small butt-plugs can "poke" if you don't have an insertion angle perfect, or if there is an "unexpected detour". As Ozme52 pointed out, what normally comes out is so much larger than what I am going to put in).

4) muscle control training. Think squeeze and release. Learn to feel the tension flow out as you release. Deepen that flow. Think autogenic meditation techniques, just on a muscle not typically controlled during such training.

At all stages, lubricant, to the point of "messy". I don't play without lubricant unless a partner already has experience in that area.

I don't know how long this training may take. erish may still be too tight for a fingertip in August. she may be so relaxed and open she's ready on the first day. Whatever happens, happens at her pace.

Ozme52, I like your breath control idea. I won't tell you exactly why my (almost) pet erish and I share amazing breath control, except that it is safe, sane, and involves one of the powerful, long held, shared interests that binds her and I together. Trust me on this one, either of us could make a La Maz technique mother of 8 look like a rank amateur at breath control.

I'm already finding such interesting things about the heart, soul, and body of my dear (almost) pet. she is so open and enthusiastic I frequently need to rein her in a bit. And she is so eager to please that I must really be careful what I ask of her, because she would readily agree to things I don't think she is anywhere near ready for. She means so much to me that I take my duty to safeguard her extremely seriously. I vow to protect her from all, including protrvting her from the strength of her own desires.

And her body is interesting. So robust in many ways: her pain tolerance is excellent, almost scary for one with no training. But she marks more easily than just about anyone else I've ever met, which is definitely "dangerous" in the sense of how her spouse may see things. Treading lightly, but making progress.

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Originally Posted by orchidsoul

grrr. I just lost my whole post! Lucky for you, that means this will be the shortened version :)

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I am jealous. My current injuries make all my posts short, of necessity.

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Originally Posted by orchidsoul

I think your fears are natural and founded. It is going to hurt if there's no preparation/fun/foreplay/pleasure. Personally, I think it behooves your master to make your first experience most pleasurable and enjoyable.

Being relaxed, having no fears, and taking it slow and sexy only helps create a future desire and willingness to accept forced anal. A bad first anal experience can ruin it for quite a while! And truth be told, it's possible to have the most earth shattering, body quivering, mind numbing orgasm from anal.

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My goal is to make her first experience safe and reassuring, through as thorough training as possible. The first time I bound my (almost) pet, her one word answer when I asked her how she felt was "safe". That was such a powerful moment for me: I never want damage that beautiful trust

I agree, with practice, the potential for pleasure is enormous. And the feeling of an orgasm from anal sex is beautiful for both partners. I would deny erish no pleasure that is within my power to give: her enthusiastic response to all training so far merits the greatest of rewards.

The pleasure I may give erish has to be limited at the moment. I'll say only that it is a loyalty issue outside of the relationship between myself and my beloved (almost) pet. If erish wishes to elaborate, she is free to do so.

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Originally Posted by orchidsoul

Lube helps, but isn't necessary... other natural lubricants created during foreplay sure can help a lot ;)

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As long as one takes extraordinary care with how those lubricants get to where they are needed. No transfer in the wrong direction, for fear of UTI...

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Originally Posted by orchidsoul

I do disagree with Oz- if roughly taken, damage can occur. It has nothing to do with the size of bowel movement you've previously passed. Not only is the sphincter and internal organs meant to push out vs. receiving, you're also not clenching your sphincter when going the bathroom. Being too tense and having your body reject a rough anal experience most certainly can damage. Rough being the operative word.

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Definitely. Relaxation is the key to accepting the unnatural feel of the inward movement. The outward carries the pleasure of an essential physical process, repeated over and over again, for a duration we don't normally get to enjoy.

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Originally Posted by orchidsoul

Good luck to you and I hope it goes well! You're half way there because you're open to the idea.

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Groan!

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Originally Posted by orchidsoul

Perhaps just your first time or two doesn't need to be forced... have the opportunity to get all hot by the idea.

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Agreed

i'm still working on my diary entry for my blog post from tonight's play session ... but let's drop a hint here and say that i was very grateful for all the wisdom and advice on this thread, and ended up making my (Almost) Master very proud. And now i'm off to soak in a nice warm bath.

Congratulations - I hope it was all you hoped for.

Oz hit on something that deserves some more discussion. In addition to breathing, there are some basic physical relaxation techniques that you can use.

When we're tense or straining we pull our shoulders up tight, clench our jaw and tense our neck. Concentrate on relaxing your shoulders, and jaw and letting your neck go limp. With deep breathing (through your nose, full, deep breaths) this will help open up your body and relax you.

Trust is an amazing thing especially when things are coming through the back entrance. It always seems more significant and emotional that way. All I'll really will say is that there is a lot of pleasure to be had through anything anal. It burns, but it's a very good burn, very erotic. As long as time is put into the stretching of the muscle, and everything is gradually built up to, I believe it will be a very good experience. Definitely relax and get used to the feelings that can come from there. It's very sensitive. I think it's mainly a time issue. Take the time to do it right, but by the sounds of it, you will ...so cheers")

I haven't read anything yet about "cleaning out" beforehand...understanding that it isn't required...but it's gotta mean less chance of an accident (if you catch my drift)...this is one of my biggest worries about anal--even beyond the pain issue. I guess the one drawback of this idea is loss of spontaneity--just curious where everybody stands on this???

Anybody who saw Zack and Miri Make A Porno will know exactly what I mean.:28:

Looks like there are some upsides to a serious crash and loss of valuable data - posts like this get an automatic bump. Can anyone follow up on brwneydgirl's request for info re: "accidents" and internal cleansing (or not) before anal?
Thx

Thanks Pflutter. This is an issue I have been grappling with quite a bit lately. I'm in a friends with benefits, BDSM type of situation (although we dont really talk about BDSM, Dom/sub roles, we just kind of do it...which is another interesting question. Has anyone else experienced this?).

Our sessions are so spontaneous that it's hard to know when/if somethings going to happen. Anal play has become a part of our fun. I enjoy it, but sometimes I wish I could prepare better. Any pointers out there?

Hon to make things a little more comfortable... see if He will allow you to play with your clit or your to arouse yourself so the pain won't be that bad!

Hmmm. The first thing I ever had in my ass was a penis. It was not that horrible. I'm not saying it was great, but back then I don't think we ever thought about toys.

In my experience: It's much easier to enjoy when I am super turned on. Do what you can to mentally get yourself "in the zone" so to speak. Overall arousal helps so, so much.

Lube is essential. I didn't read all the posts, so I don't know if anyone addressed it yet, but especially on a virgin anus...well, you just DON'T want to go there without lube. Lots of lube. If he says no to that, I would personally question his motives. I get that it is a total dominance issue, and inflicting pain can be part of the fun, but there's pain, and then there's PAIN, you know? I guess if he doesn't want lube, you could ask to suck him prior, so that you can get it good & lubed with your mouth.

FWIW-from the post, he seems to be open, I mean he did say it wasn't a requirement. Sounds like he wants it to be good for you too, in the end (ha ha)

Without reading other posts, i can say this--

The first time i was anally penetrated was with a penis. It hurt really bad at first (and you can't just double up like with a stomach ache), but then when the pain eased (it was about 45 seconds), i was raring to go. We used lube the first time, but now we don't and he just shoves it in. i enjoy it that way, i like the pain, but i tend to ride the edge of what many would consider unsafe. i can say that i have never sustained damage or injury.

Aside from that, one thing that many seem to think is a good idea is to use a finger first, which has a relaxing effect, sort of like massage. then add a finger when relaxation has been achieved, and so on. Personally, i am a bit of a pain slut, and try not to stretch at all prior to pleasing my Man in this manner.

Know this: Many who have been sodomized tend to enjoy anal play.

Sodomy can be ethereal. One man only has had me in thr right way. After hours of sex play, he would lube up his fingers, and say give me that ass. By this time my pussy was sopping wet, my labia swollen, and I had squirted numerous times. He would sometimes work me with his finger, but he would slowly and ever so gently insert himself, play with my clit or I would, and I swear to you, I have orgasmed off of sodomy, with the right man and the humiliating shame of psychological domination, it will make you drip! Happiness to you. Kitten

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Originally Posted by erish

i'm looking for advice and help from anyone with more experience than me here (which is probably almost everyone). i've never done any kind of anal play - not butt plugs, not beads, nothing in my asshole at all.

my Almost-Master has stated that He would like to sodomize me. It is not so much a sexual thing, as something that He would like to make into a part of my submission. Here is what He wrote to me about it:



i don't think that this is a hard "no way" limit for me. Right now, it's on my "things i need more time to work up to" list with Him. But i would be really interested for any advice or suggestions from people here who have done and enjoyed this.

Oh, one caveat ... He has said that the very first thing that He wants in my ass is Himself. So my rules won't let me start off with beads, toys, etc. Still, any advice - even reassurance that it won't be as bad as i'm imagining the pain to be - would be extremely welcome.

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Even for spontaneous play I prepare. If things look to be heading that way I run off and do a rinse out so my ass is clean whatever play happens! It only takes 5 minutes but it makes me so much more comfortable.