A bad habit

I have a really bad habit. And it's really a basic thing too. I keep forgetting to call my dom Sir. Not all the time. But sometimes I don't and I can't figure out why it's so hard. I'll fall over myself trying to do something he asked but then I'll forget to say Sir. I don't know why it's such an issue with me.

I've been spanked and whipped, he's halted sex and denied me orgasms. It's only helped a little.

This is my first real D/s relationship so I'm hoping it's just something I need to get used to. But I'm getting frustrated with myself. It's the simplest way I can show respect and I can't remember to do it every time. I'm gonna keep trying, and I'm really greatful he's been so patient.

If it's a newish relationship and you've not been used to calling anyone 'Sir' before it might be something which will come naturally in time. I find it a little odd you're being punished for it and it might be worth halting it until your relationship is a little older and the words might flow more naturally.

I know it's not the same, but I'm an extremely forgetful person and it's not something I can easily change. I've learned over the last two years to improve it and I forget less things but it's not because he threatened punishments if I forgot.

Give it a little time, and go easy on yourself, saying Sir naturally doesn't come easy to everyone, if at all.

I've known him for 3 years now, and we've been together for almost a year. The D/s aspect has only been about half the time we've been together though. I've suggested making me write out a set number of times to call him sir everytime i don't. If something's gonna drill it into me it's gonna be writing hundreds of lines.

Six months and still not getting it? heheh. ;)

When you were spanked, did you have to count and thank him?

I suggest you put yourself over his knee and ask for his assistance. He'll know what to do... even if he doesn't know your immediate goal. Then, on each stroke, count out the number and thank him, emphasizing the Sir. And of course, ask prettily for another.

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One Sir. Thank you Sir. May I have another Sir?
Two Sir. Thank you Sir. May I have another Sir?

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You get the idea. Don't stop asking for more until you think you've got it. Repeat daily and twice whenever you catch yourself omitting the honorific or using his given name without permission.

Here's some self-training to try: When you think of him, do not think of him by his name, but rather substitute 'Sir'. If you would think "Gosh, I wonder if 'John' would like this dress" instead think "Gosh, I wonder if Sir would like this dress." Do this everytime you think about him and hopefully his name will be replaced in your mind with Sir. It's a way of 'forgetting' his name.

I have trouble with it too. I grew up in the northern US and there, we're a LOT more laid back about it then those here in the south. We're not made to address people as 'sir' and 'ma'am'. Down in the south, they flip out if you don't say it. Accuse you of being disrespectful and flame you. Sorry, but I'm a proud yankee even if I do have to live in the south. I got in SO much trouble my first day of school down in the south. I tried to explain that I was from the north and we're not taught to say it and it isn't disrespectful to not say but they didn't care.

To be honest, I hardly ever say it. I say it when I'm on the phone with certain people but I've been raised to believe it is not necessary to say it. Saying something in a polite tone is just as respectful. No need for the titles, imho.

My fiance, every now and then, when he starts to get in the role of being Dom will have me address him as sir but 9/10 times, he hates to be called sir - makes him feel old.

I have this problem also because I have to call Him by His real name when we are out in public, around His co workers or His children. In private I have to call Him Sir. For me the easiest way is to just say Sir after every sentence. It takes time and practice and trust me just yesterday He punished me because I forgot to say it. Punishment of this offense increases by 5 every time. We have talked about this and He is okay up to a certain point but He understands to a certain degree.

"Sir" was never so difficult for me, but I had really conservative parents and my daddy was allways called "Sir" by me especially when I got older.

Master and Mistress however, those took some getting used to. lol

Outside of recieving imediate hard disipline on the spot to rienforce the use of appropriate titles under the auspice of a dominant in an actual training enviroment (which by the way was very very effective if not a bit brutal and relies more on fear for motivation as opposed to love) and however much fun the method Oz suggested can be the one jeanne mentioned is the only one that has ever worked for me when trying to disipline myself to become accomplished in the use of the desired honorific.

I used to use a mantra every morning when I woke up for it and everytime before bed as well as any time I heard his name or read it in print, mentally crossing it off and replacing it with his title. Additionally I used to wear a rubber band on my wrist and "SNAP" it whenever I messed up while thinking or talking about him during the day.
I filled many a notebook up with conversations to my "Master" amswering his questions as if in his presence.


You will know you have really got it down pat when you call him by his honnorific in public without thinking about it and get all embarressed. Then its time to start to learn when and where its appropriate to use which is a whole other can of worms.

Good luckadoodles!!

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the input.

Oz: thanks for the giggle. I'll definately be using this fun idea.

jeanne and denuseri: thanks for giving me a way to remind myself even while at work and school. Practical and efficient. Something I need.

LolitaDoll: believe me I know. My teachers in high school were lucky if we used their full name. Usually was "Mr. B", "Flan-man", and apparently not all catholic school would just say Sister when talking to the sisters. cause oh no they weren't nuns cause they weren't cloistered. Sister C yelled at the assistant prinicpal over that one. And college... well I've always justed used my professors' first name.

yourlilslave86: I'm pretty much in the same situation minus the kids. He's not ready to take it out of the bedroom in any way.

I forget to call my Master Shifu, which is what he wants me to call him, a lot too. So you're not the only one.

Hehe. This is probably my biggest problem. Master actually made me identify on fetlife as a Bottom over submissive until I "am able to call him Sir in public and everyday speech." This bothers me a lot, but I just can't seem to use it as often as he would like. This weekend I actually suggested a shock collar as a more immediate reminder. I am hoping the faster it becomes automatic and I start to get over my uncomfortableness (as I have NO problem saying it in subspace, when I am tired, or at a party when I am drunk [no scening being done]) the faster I can move onto other training. Master is being far too patient and lenient...and I am being way too harsh. Let me know how it goes and if it gets any easier for you Kahlann.

It might help you to discuss what the actual purpose of using "sir" as a form of address is for. Is he trying to help you be more polite in society or the lifestyle? Is he trying to make you show him respect? Does he just want you to do it because everyone else is doing it? Is he into speech training/speech restriction?

If it's strictly out of respect for him, it may take awhile to feel like saying it, otherwise known as having earned your respect.

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Originally Posted by Flaming_Redhead

If it's strictly out of respect for him, it may take awhile to feel like saying it, otherwise known as having earned your respect.

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I completely agree that respect has to be earned, including the title "Sir". I've encountered a number of wannabe doms who seem to feel that being called "Sir" is a right just because they declare themselves to be dominant. The few times I've called someone Sir have been because he'd earned that level of respect in my eyes and the word just came out as what felt right at the time and in those circumstances. I think that maybe if it's a struggle to call someone "Sir", it's a sign the situation's not yet at that point.

i've never had this problem, partly because it isn't just an 'in the bedroom' thing. i've actually forgotten Sir's real name before. *blush*
sometimes in public it's difficult to find the right word, but usually that's okay too, it means i have to think carefully before i say anything which is a good idea for me!
i'm sure it will come with time and practise, good luck.

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Originally Posted by StormKat

I completely agree that respect has to be earned, including the title "Sir". I've encountered a number of wannabe doms who seem to feel that being called "Sir" is a right just because they declare themselves to be dominant. The few times I've called someone Sir have been because he'd earned that level of respect in my eyes and the word just came out as what felt right at the time and in those circumstances. I think that maybe if it's a struggle to call someone "Sir", it's a sign the situation's not yet at that point.

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I don't really mind being called Sir by a new sub or someone else's sub, but it does embarrass me a bit. I feel like I haven't earned the honor yet and it feels a bit awkward to me.

And even if I earn it I don't necessarily demand it. I can tell in other ways that a sub is giving me the respect I deserve. (And I, of course, deserve it only if I keep earning it, lol.).

Belgarold: np Sir lol

I was raised to sir and maam people in real life etc.

on here I only Sir or Maam those that I have deemed worthy of the distinction of presenting themselves to me in a manner befiting what I would see as dominance unless specifically told by them to do otherwise.

When I punish someone newish for forgetting the sir or calling me master without being owned (I'm not a master unless I own them). I give them a little something whether it be tounge kissing, carressing, etc and then take it away... And ask what are you suposed to do? If they say they don't know, I tell them your FIRST goal is to make me happy. Then I ask them, what is the FIRST thing you can do to make me happy? If they say thet don't know, I then give them a little more than I did before and then ask them what they want. They ALWAYS say me, so I ask them what they have to do to get me and they say make me happy. Then I ask them how they are to address me in a respectful manor and they say, sorry sir. it's that easy with new subbies. Sometimes this can go on for SEVERAL hours before they get it, but they ARE new and you must be extremely patient with them.

I grew up in the Northeast and I never called anyone Sir so it was a hard transition for me. It just felt awkward. He'd ask me a question and I'd answer but without putting Sir at the end. So he'd say yes what? and then I'd reply yes Sir but I had to be reminded a lot. It did eventually get easier and the deeper we were into a scene the easier it became. Also if we were looking into each others eyes and I'd say Sir it was a humbling experience and I'd go deeper into submission. Good luck.
phedrea

Ok, first of all, we are not really into punishments.

So what helps me do things for him which are important to him, but not especially high on my own priority/wish-list, is the knowledge it makes him happy, and if he shows me how much he liked it after I did it for him.

Perhaps that would be a perspective that works better for you - re-inforcing wanted behaviour, rather than punishing un-wanted behaviour.

Far more important to me than the words (sir or master) is the look in her eyes when she looks at me. The melting, adoring, loving look that says "owned and oh so happy!"

Anything else is verbage. I recognise the American "thing" about addressing people as "sir" or "ma'am" as a form of politeness. However, I find the whole insistance on being called Sir or Ma'am risible.

In my considered opinion, unless you have been knighted, you are most definitely not a 'Sir' anything. I have a hard time keeping a straight face with anyone who does insist on the 'Sir' in fact.

Having said all that, my girl calls me master out of choice (hers) because she knows I am her master. I get a real thrill when she catches herself in public and stumbles over my name, since she has been instructed not to use anything but my name in public, but occasionally starts to say 'master' instead.

I struggled with this for a bit, but only for like a day. I just kept calling him master over and over again intill it stuck in. Now I can't stop XD.

i struggled with this a bit in the beginning as it just felt odd to me. He took His time teaching me this in many different ways that don't individually stick out to me now. What sticks out to me now is that at some point i felt He was my Master and those titles came with that feeling. i now only feel odd if in certain sentences in vanilla life i can say would you please pass the butter, but in play its may i cum please Master! lol

oh and if Master isn't in that sentence then He doesn't seem to hear me...;-)

I understand where you're coming from...saying Sir to someone a lot makes me feel fake, like i'm acting, although i'm not...maybe it's just because I'm not used to it, yet...still, it sounds weird...like i'm in the army or something...i guess once we do things enough for it to become a solid habit they don't feel so unnatural anymore

i have also recently realized that i no longer think of Him in my head as anything other than Master or Sir or the name that means Master i call Him in front of the kids. somehow it happened, it went from feeling contrived to being real and true

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Originally Posted by 13'sbadkitty

i have also recently realized that i no longer think of Him in my head as anything other than Master or Sir or the name that means Master i call Him in front of the kids. somehow it happened, it went from feeling contrived to being real and true

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Because I have children, I'm interested in what you call him in front of them. Do you mind telling me? That's a good idea btw.

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Originally Posted by denuseri

"Sir" was never so difficult for me, but...

Master and Mistress however, those took some getting used to. lol

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i totally agree!!! i can call Master "Sir" all day long, but i can NOT get used to "Master" for some reason. He likes "Master" so i have to get used to it, and i will, but it is hard. Glad to see i am not the only one having title issues

I normally greet my Mistress with a good morning Maam, and in the afternoon after work with a hello Maam type thing. Other than that she has made it real easy for me. As long as it's done with respect and endearment I can call her whatever. I found out "ole lady" isn't exceptable but honey or dearest and the such hasn't gotten me into any trouble yet! I'm sure for some the title is very important and I respect that. For us it's just show respect at all times and know your place in life.