I would really like to hear what everyone thinks are the responsibilities of a dominant/master to his submissive. It's something that I think I may be confused on.
Any input would be appreciated.
Thank you. :)
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I would really like to hear what everyone thinks are the responsibilities of a dominant/master to his submissive. It's something that I think I may be confused on.
Any input would be appreciated.
Thank you. :)
What are your feelings on what the responsibilities of a dominant are?
About what things do you think you may be confused?
For more information:
Castlerealm's subSpace "Some Things to Look for in a Dominant"
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandora's Box
In fact .... this is easy .. .typing for hours ... will not change things.
I am Gorean so mind set may differ from that BDSM Master.
But when I take a girl I take on all that she has been and that she can be.
Her submission is My responsibility ... My responsibility is her freedom .... her freedom is to serve My pleasure....My pleasure is her responsibility.
I hope that makes sense to someone other than Myself.
Texxx
Gorean Master
"We all dance 'round and suppose, the secret sits and knows."
Thanks TG, but I could have pulled up that article. Already read it. Several times as a matter of fact. But real life doesn't seem to be happening according to that article.
I'd like real life responses from people on here. Otherwise I wouldn't have asked.
:)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandora's Box
Perhaps if she was not so vague with her question she would get the advice she seeks...?
Texxx
Gorean Master
I would have preferred to keep my ideas out of this as to not taint the answers. But I see that apparently I have not provided enough of a question to be answered.
My ideas of a dominant pretty much match those in the article.
Specifically on the list is:
- Time
- Attention
- Love
- Cares about me
- Listens to me/Hears me
- Honesty/Trust
- Ability to communicate
- Ability to guide
- Respect
What I am confused on is that I have yet to meet a dominant that is able to maintain that list over time. And no, not just the love part. The love, at least according to everything been told to me, is not the issue here.
1)Time
2)Attention
3)Love
4)Cares about me
5)Listens to me/Hears me
6)Honesty/Trust
7)Ability to communicate
8)Ability to guide
9)Respect
i think that list is fairly comprehensive...up to a point. i did however number them for a reason, because i think they are semi-sequential. That is to say that i think they key part that sets the relationship away from any other relationship is number 8; a dom has a responsibility, with trust placed in them, to guide and help the sub grow...they cannot do it however, IMHO, without the other 7, which are necessary pre-requisites. (the love one is perhaps debatable, but certainly preferable).
HTH :)
sl
The girl seeks that witch does not exist read all the articles you wish. Search the world over and you'll not find a M/man that fits the above all day every day...W/we are Human. I wager the girl is not all the above all day every day yet she looks for one that is.....come on hun....think about that.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandora's Box
What you need to do....is work hard to find one that truly tries....then do what YOU can to keep it that way. Realize that O/our lifestyle is intense and very demanding allow for breaks in that intensity. If not for yourself ....for the Pleasure of your Master.
This couples up with the post you made the other day ..." How much time does a Master give His girl" rrr somp'n like that.
If you wear His Ko-lar.....that in and of it's self states to A/all that you have His
- Time
- Attention
- Love
- Cares about me
- Listens to me/Hears me
- Honesty/Trust
- Ability to communicate
- Ability to guide
- Respect
.....from time to time "space" is also requirement.
Ooooooooo and please do not forget that all the above is NOT a one way street. Part of your submission is to allow Him some flaws.....allow Him to hit a bump in the road....allow Him His Humanity. Do you not ask the same of Him..?
Maybe I'm crazzy....yah think..? :D
Texxx
Gorean Master
Yes as a matter of fact I do think you're crazy. And frankly this girl would like to spend more than one night a month and 30 minutes a week with her Master.
A dominant should be responsible. He should be realistic in his expectations and in his practices. He should have the wisdom to understand that life, real-life, gets in the way sometimes and you have to yield to it.
A dominant should have the cunning to keep a submissive on her toes, but the understanding to lend a shoulder when she needs it. A dominant should be consistant in both enforcing rules and maintaining discipline.
First and foremostly, though, a dominant is a person. He's fallible, he makes errors in judgment and in decisions. It's part of being human. And just like any other person, a dominant needs emotional support, love and care.
Just like submissives are not doormats or valueless little things, like cattle, a dominant is not a stone cold, emotionless beast of a man either.
Basically, a dominant is responsible for being himself, providing the same amount love and care he expects to receive in return, setting tasks and rules and then consistantly enforcing them through discipline, and showing that he is an emotional human being with a soul and with the capability for caring and concern as well as the potential for strictness and sternness.
Does that help at all?
Texxx - isn't it surely the case that any 'ideal scenario' of a Ds relationship will always be a 'utopia' - that's what ideal means. i don't think Pandora or anyone else actually believes it would be like that all the time and that any human being wouldn't ever slip up and be less that perfect.Quote:
The girl seeks that witch does not exist read all the articles you wish. Search the world over and you'll not find a M/man that fits the above all day every day...W/we are Human. I wager the girl is not all the above all day every day yet she looks for one that is.....come on hun....think about that.
No one said it WAS a one way street, and furthermore i don't think you need to tell most submissives that it isn't a one way street! But the question was about the responsibilities of dominants, hence the slant of the answers...you guys, your wants and desires can't be the centre of every single subject and thread all the time you know. :rolleyes:Quote:
Ooooooooo and please do not forget that all the above is NOT a one way street.
sl
That is may very well be true. But,Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandora's Box
I'm not the one that is in a collar now am I. I'm not the one that is allowing herself to be used and tossed aside, now am I.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandora's Box
You came here whining about something none of U/us can do anything about. I have tried to help ..... forgive Me .....
Go grow up....maybe we'll talk then princess.
Texxx
Gorean Master
Texxx, please do me the distinct honor of refraining from giving me your input in the future. I didn't appreciate your condescending tone from the beginning. I am not your slave girl/submissive. If you choose to deal with the women that submit to you in such a manner, then that is their prerogative.
If you can't be respectful to me then I can think of no good reason why I should be respectful to you.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Texxx
I don't think she was whining about anything, Texxx. She asked some pretty genuine questions and has some well-thought-out ideas of what she wants in a relationship. It sounds to me like she was pretty much doing everything except whining.
Now, on the other hand, if her boldly having an opinion and expectations has bruised your ego, then perhaps you should take a step back from this thread and cease posting to it. You might also ask yourself why a woman with an opinion and expectations makes you so uncomfortable that you feel she needs to grow up. Most grown-ups do have opinions and expectations of themselves, their partners and others around them.
I boil this argument into two camps:
The fantasy where a Dominant has total domination and superiority
to every submissive encountered, regardless of said submissive's
experience and background,
or
the reality where relationships require all people to exchange ideas of what they want to mutual benefit,
i.e., for submissives, the tip of the iceberg is, you torture me in entertaining ways,
and I'll let you torture me in entertaining ways.
You have other choices and aspects as you care to define them, but let's face it-- that's what in play here. Dominant is law, or submissive has her rights, too. Dominance requires respect; respect requires understanding. Having a slave merely requires putting someone in a situation where they are dependant on you for life and shelter. Having a submissive requires understanding that dominance is a gift given, just as submission is.
The submissives involved in this thread seem to have a very clear understanding of the difference between fantasy and reality. I'm not applauding their use of common sense, just acknowledging it. See... they wish to share in a fulfilling relationship with someone who has the same understanding of them, their needs, and their role to a dominant-- their need to submit, to be used, and also to be cared for, to interact. While it's fun for some to play furniture, being furniture is another matter entirely... sitting idly and waiting for a moment to be.
If you can't understand the balance between a submissive and a dominant and that it exists for more than simply servicing the dominant, then you're missing the point of that realtionship. And most relationships.
That's my two cents. Spend 'em as you will.
I wasn't going to copy the list out again and waste everybody's space, but my post ended up on the next page!Of the nine items there the only one that is not an essential part of the contribution of both sides to any close relationship is '8. Ability to guide'. The difference from vanilla being pointed out by just about all those posting to this thread, even Texxx in his way, is that one side is taking responsibility for guidance of the other.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandora's Box
It is a huge responsibility amounting to being parent as well as lover. To give that much care requires a special concentration of effort, just as responding to it does.
But it seems to me that Pandora feels she is being short-changed in other categories as well. Perhaps she and her Master should discuss their relationship as a whole as much as the D/s part.
Spike
Very true Spike. I do feel like I'm being short changed. He's always working. We have talked about it. Ad nauseum it seems. He always says he'll try, but no real tangible things seem to ever come. I have no proof that he even does try.Quote:
But it seems to me that Pandora feels she is being short-changed in other categories as well. Perhaps she and her Master should discuss their relationship as a whole as much as the D/s part.
Yesterday was our 6 month anniversary, and I didn't hear a word from him. I would have contacted him, but after being put on the back burner for work so long, the last message I left him was along the lines of "you contact me in your time, because I'm tired of reaching out only to have you contact me at your convenience."
Not a pretty way to start the weekend. And this hasn't been a good way to end the weekend.
He says he wants "us", wants me. For life.
But never acts on it. I'm beginning to feel like I'm in this relationship alone.
Which has clearly eroded your trust in him, or you wouldn't feel that needed saying.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandora's Box
His job is important in his life and sets its own timetable and agenda. Remember that taking a job is taking on responsibility and commitment too. So he is capable of being the person you want him to be.Quote:
He says he wants "us", wants me. For life.
But never acts on it. I'm beginning to feel like I'm in this relationship alone.
But if you (the two of you - Y/you :D ) don't set up a timetable for the "us" part of your life the job will win by being more organized. If he commits to time with you and then doesn't deliver, the job has already won. Retire gracefully. Leave a message admitting defeat and be prepared to go quietly. If he does respond make sure you meet as equals and he gets to know all that you feel.
Note that all of that advice applies to all kinds of relationship too. The only difference with D/s is that you have to more careful about the "meet as equals" bit.
Spike
who took time out from his work to answer this.
This doesn't apply only to you, dear, this applies to everyone who has a 'significant other'. Let's look at those one at a time.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandora's Box
Time: A dominant has to make some time out, not only to play with their sub, but also to listen to the sub. Always a biggie. Hubby works, I don't, and i feel like he never has time for me. When he gets home, he eats dinner, and then i do dishes and go to bed. In the morning he messes around with his hobby until it's time to go to work, then gets up, dresses, and goes. Sometimes with the prelude of a quick suck-n-fuck (excuse my crudity, but it doesn't usually take more than a half hour) but involves very little loveplay on me, so I get left feeling dissatisfied. However, he usually makes up for it on his days off.
Attention: If a sub is neglected, they get irritable and discontented, and that's not a good thing to have happen in any relationship. Same thing happens to a wife (i.e., me.) Doms have a responsibility to spend time with their subs, not necessarily 'in' a scene. Just time out, as people, as equals, not as a top or bottom.
Love/Care: A must in any relationship: if there's no trust or care, it's not a relationship, and not worth keeping.
Listens: A person can hear withoout listening. In one ear and out the other, as the saying goes. The Dom needs to listen to the sub, but the sub also needs to listen to the dom.
Honesty: Both sides need to be honest with each other. Being honest will engender trust.
Trust. Both sides need to trust each other.
Communicate: Men aren't really good at sharing their feelings. Not because thy don't want to, though that is true sometimes...but because they can't. Their brains actually don't have the same wiring that women have, the same number of neural pathways from the emotion center of the brain to the speech center of the brain. (At least that's what I saw on Discovery channel one night.) They have fewer neural commections between the above mentioned brain parts. But if they feel very intensely about something, they will talk.
Guide: This is kind of a hazy notion here. One assumes that you know where you're going, know what you're doing, and don't need guidance unless you'te blindfolded and Master is leading you around an unfamiliar room. If, however, you need emotional guidance after a personal tragedy, emotional turmoil, whatever, Master should be there to help. Maybe not as often as the sub would like the dom to be, but still needs to be there nonetheless.
Respect: Dom needs to respect sub, in all forms and facets. Sub, however, also needs to respect Dom's needs, to understnd that while sub wants to be with Dom all the time, it may not alway be possible, or desirable in the long term.
The trick with all this, as with a marriage or a vanilla relationship, is to find out what the other is comfortable with, find out what you are comfrotable with, and then find a compromise that straddles the line. The next time you talk to your Dom, Sit down with him. Explain what you're feeling, what you think, tell him what parts of your life with him you're currently not happy with.Ask him if there is anything the Dom isn' happy about with the current status quo. Then find a compromise. If you can't reach a compromise, it may be time, as mich as you may like/love/care about the Dom, to look for another one. Some people need more emotional/physical contact, some people need a lot less. If you're 'more', and he's 'less', what you want and what he's comfortable with may not be compatible.
And in the end, ask yourself, 'Do I love him enough to make a formerly important point not so important anymore?' Before I met my husband, my number one criteria for a mate was that he make enough money to give me 'stuff', and that he be tall and moderately good looking. Then I met my hubby (who makes $18,000 a year as a department store detective, and has a large 'port-wine' birthmark under his left eye) and once I got acquainted with his personality, the money and the looks issue became a non-issue for me. It didn't really matter anymore, because I love him, and I know he loves me, and while some weeks (like this one) we have to borrow to make our rent, we still love each other to face those obstacles together.
It's not a complete answer, nor an expert one, but I hope it helps.
I indeed do have a lot to think about. What is missing is time, attention and listening. Possibly care.
He says he listens, but apparently as all the things I have asked for or said to him have gone in one ear and out the other, I have to think that he hasn't listened.
The reason I say possibly care is because I am beginning to come to the conclusion that it is entirely possible for a person to "love" another and not "care" about them. Or at least care enough to do something about problems being faced.
That leaves time and attention. I don't get enough of either. It is head-bangingly frustrating too. The little (so pathetically little) time we do spend together is usually fantastic. But... it's not enough. We haven't had a date night with just us for over a month. Literally. And that's with very little to no time spent together in between. It makes me wonder how he can say he loves me when I am not a big enough priority to make some time for.
And yes, I am super frustrated and feeling super neglected. And yes I have told him. But if it all goes in one ear and out the other... *sigh*
That's exactly where we are at. How can he say he wants me for life if he doesn't even want to take actions to be with me? And if he does want it, he has a hell of a way of showing it.Quote:
(Spike)
If he commits to time with you and then doesn't deliver, the job has already won. Retire gracefully. Leave a message admitting defeat and be prepared to go quietly. If he does respond make sure you meet as equals and he gets to know all that you feel.
This may very well be the end. And I don't want that. But... he may have already made the decision for me with his inaction.
I haven't even talked to him since last Wednesday. Sunday was our 6 month anniversary.
At this rate... I can't see good things for the future. I refuse to step into a life where his work will always be a greater priority than me. Work is important... but it won't keep his heart warm at night when he's in bed all alone.
:(
Pandora,
First, having read a number of your posts, I believe that you already have a good understanding of the qualities a good dom should possess. Of course TG's comments were eloquent and on target as usual and I hope they helped to affirm your thoughts (even if you did have to nudge to get him to write instead of just supplying a web reference). ;)
I wanted to give my input on this issue though because my dom and I are having similar issues. For me, what it boils down to is not necessarily time per se but rather that he understands my needs and shows that he cares enough so that I feel comfortable giving him my trust, respect, and submission. It sounds like you are having similar questions as far as whether or not he is worthy of your trust at this point. After all, it's difficult for an intelligent, independent person to submit to another if she is unsure whether or not he is able to accurately judge when to push limits and when to offer gentler forms of support. And of course there has to be enough time to share and communicate in order to create the type of mutual understanding and trust necessary for gifts of dominance from one partner and submission from the other. Okay, I think I'm rambling now so I'll stop but please know you're not alone on this issue so hang in there, Dear.
Also, this thread did serve to remind me that things can always be worse...at least neither of us is in a relationship with a "gorean master"! :D
eb
<--------What I am about to say is meant for the humor and not to demean or insult----------------->*wily Tuchuk smile*Quote:
Originally Posted by Mobius
Well it seams the the young sexy Pardoora went to see old geasor feeling that she was not kind to him afterall.....after hearing some odd sounds outside the door she walks into the home and finds old geasor drilling for oil in Todd's butt.....After the shock of things dies down .... This new feeling runs thru her body....she move to them slowly. sexualy....Her eye now feasting on the sight.....Her painties now soaking....she kneels....to get a much better look....her mouth now wide open....as her tounge slips over her lips.........
When before she can stop herself......she is sucking the peanut butter off old geasor's limp but still jerking cock. She moans with lust never known before as the brownish tint of the old geasor's cock turns pink...once cleaned by her lustful lips ........
She decides to leave Master ... for the the old geasor this time for good ( well maybe)....Todd's not half bad either now that H/he got his implants...SEEEEE-cup. nice and full. One would never know it but Pandoora seams to love to eat shit and jump from Master to Master sighting all kinds of shitty, off-color, self-centered, rationalizations....go-figure
Texxx
Gorean Master
"We all dance 'round and suppose while the Secret sits and knows."
It does. Fortunately so does the mindset of the average Gorean kajira. ;) I think that's the basis of where the conversation went awry earlier. As for what I think the responsibilities of a Dominant are...I think that should be decided by the people involved in the relationship and reassessed as regularly as needed.Quote:
Originally Posted by Texxx
Yes, that should be vague enough! :D
So very true ....... but I was honestly trying to help the girl......I will admit that that I left the door open for her to strike out...shame on Me.Quote:
Originally Posted by mythicat
Thing is.....I have seen so many well educated, attractive, intelligent girls bounce about in our BDSM lifestyle preaching their cosmo crap.....that I find it hard to be nice....but I do try,...cause I have seen some truly make the leap .... into BDSM and become something a Master can take a great deal of pride in.
I truly hope she can be one....but she has miles to go.
You are totally correct....such matters can only be resolved between the Master and His sub......coming here to arm herself with reason's not to listen will not....create an environment of equal footing.....But that's just Me I guess.
Texxx
Gorean Master
... but it didn't seem to work all that well. Well, now I'm not going to be very nice and I'm going to say what I feel about the (off topic) subject matter currently being smeared about like cow manure in this thread.
First off, this is not a Gor group or chat. For the most part, we are non-denominational BDSMers around here and will pretty much let anyone in as long as they obey the rules and don't become condescending, self-absorbed braggarts. However, what we ask here is that peoples' views are respected. If the people here cannot offer advice politely, have good discussions (or even polite heated debates), and cannot act in a mature, responsible and realistic fashion, then I'll be all too happy to show those people the way out of here.
Secondly, the starter of this thread, PandorasBox, is not a Gorean, nor has she ever claimed to even remotely have any interest in the Gorean "lifestyle." So, if the advice given to her cannot be applied in a polite manner, first, and in a real-world context, second, then it doesn't need to be given at all. And it especially doesn't need to be given with healthy doses of condescension, vanity, arrogance and outright rudeness. In case it was missed by the offenders participating in this thread, these forums do have a Code of Conduct (in other words, a list of easy-to-follow rules). That Code of Conduct protects against unwarranted harassment of one member by another. Essentially, acting immaturely and rudely is reason to be removed from these forums.
Thirdly, many of us here have relationships, whether online or offline. For some of the people here, the contents of this thread might have offered some good advice and answers to questions they might feel about their relationships, but are afraid to ask. However, when some people here see an obnoxious individual belittling and degrading the starter of this potentially informative thread, then some of those people become less inclined to post to this thread and ask their own questions and seek their own advice. When things like that happen, I get a little cranky, because I firmly believe that everyone should have the right to post here and not be harassed or belittled for their questions and opinions; at least, not if they have stated them intelligently and maturely. And anyone that doesn't like or respect that policy can leave now and I won't miss them a bit.
Finally, and I want to be very clear about this: I don't give a damn how much time or experience any person here has in their chosen lifestyle, that still does not give anyone the right to impose a holier-than-thou attitude on the others here. I don't give a damn if someone's been in a real life relationship for 30 years or in an online one for 30 minutes. Everyone here has the right to ask their questions, have them answered politely and not have their lives belittled for what someone else might think is silly nonsense. Just because someone has experience at something doesn't mean they're good at it. I can watch people build rockets for 20 years, but that doesn't make me a rocket scientist. So, what's good for one person isn't necessarily right for another. If anyone has a problem with that, leave. I'm not kidding. Pick up your shit and get out.
Now, on a personal note, I'm going to say this: Gor was a great bit of fiction that spanned the better part of a quarter century, but that's what they were: Fiction. In my opinion, Goreans don't even belong under the same big "umbrella" as people that practice BDSM, because most of the Goreans I know don't understand some of the most basic concepts of BDSM. And if anyone wants to debate the finer points of Gor vs. BDSM with me, then open a new thread on that subject and be polite.
I don't think anyone is going to mind if I breeze by the off topic discussion and go right back to the actual discussion.
E B, I want to thank you for saying that. It's been hard for me to crystalize that thought in my mind. But this is exactly it. If I'm going to put myself into his hands and my future by his side... I need his time. His time will reassure me.Quote:
(eb)
And of course there has to be enough time to share and communicate in order to create the type of mutual understanding and trust necessary for gifts of dominance from one partner and submission from the other.
And it's his time I don't have.
I wish he said all the wrong things instead of all the right ones. I wish it wasn't shear magic when we are together. If it weren't for those... it would be much easier to "cut bait and fish on"... well at least with some healing time in between.
But that's the thing... I want this to work. I don't want to come at him. I want to come to him. With him. But... after so many attempts at trying to talk to him and get my point across... it's now at the point where I need him to come to me. To reassure me.
The really really hard thing about this... is I have a feeling it has become a battle of wills. And that's not at all what this is about. I just need him to come to me so I can have faith in him and how he feels about "us".
Because... if he can't do that... then the pattern is set and it would always be me making the compromise. And that's not how it works. It has to be both of us, Master or not.
Perhaps I'm rambling at this point... but it does feel good to get some of this out.
Pandora, does he know why you need him to come to you this time? If you havent told him everything you've told us then it's very possible he doesnt realize it's not a battle of wills. Men especially, and the workaholic types in particular, can be incredibly thick-headed about picking up on undercurrents in a relationship. If he's not the sensitive-type you may have to spell it out for him...not just drop the ball in his court, but bounce it off his head. :D Then it's clearly up to him at that point.
However, is his work something which will always be so consuming? Or is it something that will let up after awhile? (ie after a promotion, after a certain time period, etc). Cus I hardly see my husband during his busy season throughout Winter/Spring, but I suck it up cus I know things will return to "normal" come May/June. That makes it a lot more bearable. But if his chosen career is something that will always keep him busy year round ad infinitum, and you have a greater need for attention than that (as is obvious), then there's just no way to make that work. If that is the case, he just plain doesnt have time for a f/t sub or girlfriend of any kind and you're not a p/t kind of girl. You'll always feel jipped and he'll always feel nagged. Not exactly a solid foundation. But if he wont always be so busy in the future, then really it's up to you to decide if you can wait patiently for him or not.
He actually may not know. Heh. He should know. It's not like I haven't said enough to put it together. But he actually may not have a clue.Quote:
Pandora, does he know why you need him to come to you this time? If you havent told him everything you've told us then it's very possible he doesnt realize it's not a battle of wills.
How do I do this? Seriously. I don't know. I have told him my needs... But if I need to do more, then what is a good way to do it? Without me going to him. I don't even know if email is a viable option. He has the time to check it about once or twice a week.Quote:
If he's not the sensitive-type you may have to spell it out for him...not just drop the ball in his court, but bounce it off his head. :D
It is his busy season. It is supposed to let up once the rainy and cold season starts. That is what he has told me.Quote:
However, is his work something which will always be so consuming? Or is it something that will let up after awhile?
It would be easier if we hadn't got off to such a rocky start. Long story. But I believe I glanced on it in my first topic here. But to give him a fair shake, after we had talked about the "rockiness" and before it got busy at his club... he was good about spending time with me.
Another thing that would make it easier is if this wasn't online for right now. We want to take it to "3 dimensional" (I like that term) but his work has curtailed those plans for now.
I am glad you posted about your experience with your husband's schedule. It makes me feel less alone in all this.
I just don't feel particularly secure right now. And it would mean the world to me if I even received a 20 second "sweet nothing" email... and yes I've asked. But to no avail.
I know it's hard to concentrate on others when he's busier than a one legged man in an ass kicking contest... but shouldn't he try? A little email or phone message or something?
:(
For a long time, I've often told my husband I felt like he was my roommate other than my husband.. but he is the sort where I see him maybe 2 days a week. His schedule is such that he leaves for work at 2:30 PM, comes home at 3:30 AM, sleeps until 1-2 PM the next day, 4 days a week. In essence I never see him. On his days off, I consider myself lucky if he is not rushing off to help people who need him to fix vehicles, re-roof houses, repair fences... he just cannot tell these people no. I think of him as the White Knight... always rushing off to help those in need, and very often he seems to forget us at home.
But I also learned in the six years we've been together, dropping hints or guilt trips on him does NOT work. This man is as dense as a post when it comes to grabbing hints, and guilt trips only make him upset. He often feels like he cannot say no, because often these people have no one else to turn to.
In the end I have compromised. When it gets to be too much, I pull him aside and tell him to set aside at least one day of his weekend this week, because I miss him, and need to spend some time with him. Until this weekend, I have not seen him for any length of time, longer than 2 hours, for a month.
I just try to make the best of the time we do have together, but I do understand your frustration. Some men just get caught up in working to make their life better, to make our lives better, and forget that in the meantime, we're still here waiting!
I understand your frustration in this situation though, I know what it feels like to be married to a workaholic!
To put it bluntly, yes, he should try, no one can be that busy...if he is, he seriously needs to go on a time management course.Quote:
Originally Posted by Pandora's Box
sl