striking the balance

Background: My Master and I have been together for years and are engaged, we live together and there are kids and careers in the mix, we are both inexperienced to a degree as i have only had one other dom and he has never had a sub before me.

The Problem: we never seem to get the right balance in our lives, either things are going well or they are just not going, when he is stressed he feels unsure when hes unsure i feel less submissive. We both end up unsatisfied with our lives. Then things click back into place and it all goes well for a couple of weeks.

The Questions: Is this common? Is it exasperated by the fact that we are both quite new to this? Will it go away with practice?!

i know exactly what you are going through. Yes it is common and if you would like to chat about it in more detail with someone who has been there, let me know.

Sometimes it is all about getting the right perspective. Finding what works best for you both.

My husband and I are going thrugh this also. Both new and it is a rough transition. But it does get better, at least it slowly is for us.

We were vanilla for years and are just recently exploring D/s. It is hard because the rules and everything that was comfortable is now gone. We have to re learn eavh other all over again in a way.

Hope this helps. You can PM me if you want.

Its not all a bed of roses they say.

Well they are right. it takes a lot of hard work somtimes, it can be very frustrating.

Everyone has their ups and downs. Comunication is very much paramont in maintaining an open diologe with your partner so both of you know and understand each other and can be supportive. Easier said than done I know.

Comitment and resposibility to each other are not easy things to come by all the time.

Personally when I can tell that my Owner is going through a rough patch I go to him on my knees when there are no outside distractions and just tell him how much I love and support him.

Sometimes its all I can do ya know.

I think that things are best when both partners demonstrate a willingness to put their partners needs before their own, vanillia/ bdsm or otherwise.

I shall pray that yopu both find what it takes to perservere through the bad times.

Real life will always get in the way and this can make it hard to cope. One strategy is to make sure that you make time for each other (and this applies if you are vanilla, BDSM or whatever). If that means booking hotel rooms, finding babysitters, fitting a lock to your bedroom door or whatever then do it. Try to have one day a week or month (whatever you can manage) where you shut out the real world and simply enjoy yourselves. Sometimes even just knowing that this day is planned will be a massive morale boost and even if sometimes things stop this day from happening or you have to have it very infrequently the thought of it will keep you going.

thankyou all for your replies, I think it helps just knowing that I am not alone, we had a long talk about things and it seems to have helped a lot, its true what they say communication is the key, I think the best thing was knowing that he felt just as annoyed and frustrated with the situation as I was.

I'm sure it will probably still be an issue in the future, but hopefully if i continue to follow all your suggestions maybe it will lesson the impact.

^.^