Does you mother know?

I saw a poll/thread on a similar subject at another site and wondered about the 10,000 people here. What experiences have people had with senior family members in relation to BDSM Life? On the other site there were some who thought their parents probably knew, one who got caught playing with their parents' ropes. :eek:

Nothing to report myself. My parents knew when I was in a 3-way relationship when younger. Their reaction to that meant I made sure they hardly knew of the existence of the woman I had a BDSM relationship with. So I am a definite 'No'

Spike the secretive

My elderly Parental unit knows that I like some thing called BDSM. But he does not quite know what BDSM is.
He knows that I like to discus things on this forum. And I have often involved him in the more genereric discusions. He does not have access to this side of the computer and he is not literate enough to get to my stash of pics and storys vids etc. He has his own account email favorites.
I have cought him reading from my pile o smut and have had to scold him about it, some times."get your own smut" I would say. He is a prelific Reader. I do remember back in the middle 80's that he read the slave girls of gor. Back then, I was the one that did not know any thing about bondage. When I walked into the living room he quickly put the book away. And would not show me what it was. I lator found it in his pile of read books by his bed.

He loves to read about fantasy dragons wizirds and the like. I sware that he has read every book in the library.
He is a very big potter head, Harry potter. Read all the books and seen the movies. :) I have never realy like the dungeons and dragons stuff but I will tolerate it so he can get his potter fix amounst the little kiddys.

It is odd how life some times flips over time.

My step-mom doesn't know, but she has been amazingly tolerant of two of my siblings coming out that they are gay. When she was younger, I would have never thought she could handle anything outside the norm in this area. I was wrong about her, but I still have absolutely no intention of her finding out this info, even if pets have to die to prevent it.

I have always had this aura of being "The" black-sheep of the family, but I'm pretty sure that my BDSM activities would solidify my perament hold on the family title. My brothers would certainly bust my chops, but outside of this sure never-ending humiliation, a family BDSM outing would not really effect me much.

My younger sister, who I'm close with, knows and she has admitted a vague interest in some BDSM. Vaguely admitted would be closer to the truth. I'm still a little in the dark about how she really feels about what I've told her. It might fall in the category of over-share.

Now, my in-laws I'm sure would have an intervention if they found out. We would walk in and the toy bag's contents would be laid out on table in front of that entire side of the family plus clergy plus someone from social services that specializing in domestic abuse. The intervention, of course, would first open with a prayer.

Everyone would be staring at me with loathing and at my wife with pity, when it's pointed out to me "that it takes a pretty disturbed man to do these kind of things to a woman" <like they have ANY kind of idea what kinda things are really going on just by looking at the toy bag> and "what do you have to say for yourself?" This last question is a no-brainer for me. I'm dropping straight to my knees, at my Domme's feet, and asking "Goddess, am I allowed to reply?" <the now totally doomed sub would be staring at the carpet at this point>

tj

LAUGHS VERY LOUD at 6:30 in the morning!!!!

tj, that is so deeply funny that I may have to go to the park to be free to laugh loud enough. Here was I, imagining people would have little anecdotes to tell, say, of having to hide a dildo at short notice with only one obvious place to put it, but I never imagined the imaginary responses would get this good.

(re your current signature: )Dorthy may not be in Kansas anymore, but somebody is. :D

Oh my

Spike

They know I'm sexually explorative, but not specifically into bdsm.

I remember one time that I had a butt plug soaking in the bathroom sink. Left it there.... lazy me. :D

I was at home alone and had forgot about it. Dad came home.

"What is this? Looks like a 'stopper'..."

"It's glass art, got it years ago at Saturday Market, isn't it cool?" was my reply.

As I quickly but nonchalantly snatched it from his hands.

Yes I've been much more careful since then. LOL

:o

LOL!

Great answer!

yes they know, kinda hard to hide the fact with my wife/sub waling around wearing her very obvious collar and "slave" wrist band, or me wearing a wristband with "master" emblazoned across it. my biological mother just says "t.m.i." (too much information) by adopted family just laughingly call my wife and i freaks while my mother-in-law (a pro-domme) only encourages us to "have fun" and even suggested the website www.bondage.com (a good site IF you pay for the "premium" membership but try and do anything as a "free member" (even post in their forum) and you get nowhere fast

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Originally Posted by Pandora's Box

They know I'm sexually explorative, but not specifically into bdsm.

I remember one time that I had a butt plug soaking in the bathroom sink. Left it there.... lazy me. :D

I was at home alone and had forgot about it. Dad came home.

"What is this? Looks like a 'stopper'..."

"It's glass art, got it years ago at Saturday Market, isn't it cool?" was my reply.

As I quickly but nonchalantly snatched it from his hands.

Yes I've been much more careful since then. LOL

:o

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I think I told my story PB. Last November...surprise birthday party...got shit faced and several friends, all girls, brought me home and put me to bed. I had handcuffs still dangling from the I-bolts on either side of the bed! A little hard to explain that as modern art!

As far as my parents go...we've never discussed it but they know me well enough that it wouldn't surprise them.

I think my mother suspects. She's one of those helpful types who liked to pop over, let herself in while I was at work, and "just clean up a bit" to help us out. Ropes on the bedposts....what excuse is there for that?

i told my Mum about my interest in BDSM fairly recently. She is pretty liberally minded and frankly it felt wonderful to share something so important WITH someone who is important to me. (it may be also worth mentioning that we generally have no problems talking about sex etc anyway). i told her she could ask me any questions she liked, which she did and which i tried to answer honestly. She seemed a little dazed with it all at first but later said she really appreciated me sharing it with her and she felt privilaged that i had. My Dad is a whole other kettle of fish, he'd have heart failiure if he knew! i say this not only through, well, his probable embarrassment but i beleieve he would have a problem with me submitting to any man, ever. (long story for another time).

i don't think there's anything wrong with not telling people, sometimes it's best not to share every element of oneself with someone, we do this automatically when we modify elements of our behaviour with various different people...i do think though that if it's at all possible to share stuff with people, you should definately do it, certainly when i joined these forums i felt a strong sense of 'hey, all these other people are like this too' (yikes!) and to tell someone who already knew me was cool too.

sl

My mom caught one of my friends and me playing S&M Barbies once. She explained that it was "not polite," which was her phrase that covered everything from farting to talking about dookie to men who spy on the women's changing room. She's also found my toy collection many times. At first, when it consisted of a few clothing items and one flogger, I could get away with "Uh, that's my costume for when we put on Rocky Horror." But I doubt she still believed that when it grew to two big crates in my closet...

Dispite what I said before. BDSM has been around about as long as dirt. Your parents probly knew of it. And probly dabled a little. Just did not know to call it BDSM. And compared to 50 years ago it is probly allot more acepted then it was back in the 40/50's.

My parents -- well, they haven't had sex in twenty years (I know, because ym Dad complains about it, often!) My mother is a very unhappy person who was truly abused by her parents; whiel she was cool with me growing up, she hasn't aged well. So no, they have no clue. My mother would go ballistic; Dad wouldn;t know what to think.

My wife's parents already want to shoot me (after 22 years, they still expect us to divorce at any minute!)

Parents aren't the problem -- kids are. Some examples:

I walk in to find my 9yo daughter rubbing the back of her Barbie with her mother's favorite dildo. "I'm giving her a massage!" the girl said as the toy buzzed in her hands. Eeeek!

My two older, teenage daughters know Mom and Dad do "weird stuff", and ignore us, except for a few sarcastic comments: "Do I need to put extra pillows on Mom's chair?"

Sigh. Parents really shouldn't have hobbies.

My mother would have a heart attack! My mother in law thinks its filthy stuff (she watches Jerry Springer obsessively, so that's all she really knows about The Life; not a good basis for deciding about anything) My father in law is oblivious. My father...well, he doesn't even know where I am, and i will probably never speak to him again because he's...ah, hell, it's a long story. Suffice it to say he's on his second marriage while still being married to my Mom. My sister knows...and she is one of those holy rollers whos constantly trying to get me to give up my 'immoral ways' (BDSM and Wicca) and allow myself to be 'saved'...you get the idea. My hubby knows, and while he might not completely understand, he's willing to allow me my little quirks. Especially when my perusal of these forums leads to better blowjob techniques!

My mother had been always very frank and open whenever we talked about sex (inspite of her strong religeous education which she tired to pass over to us) and had thus great confidence with her children (2 sons and 2 daughters).
She caught me and my sister enjoying SM plays once (we were 13 and 15).... we came away with a short but hard reprimend.
Some years later she discovered me (24 y.o.) and my then girlfriend (20 y.o.) having contacts with other swinging couples.... other severe reprimend :). Now that I am 50 y.o. and my mother is 76 y.o. and we still have a lot of confidence; in order for her to understand certain relational problems in my sentimental life, I had to tell her that I definitely like trasgressive sex, including SM.
She does not share my tastes and my passions, but she accepts them, as far as these belongs to safe and consensual sexual activity..... though we never discuss details.
My sister knows much more, but she had been my first slave many many years ago.
My brother confessed to me some years ago that he is in SM too (as a master) .... he has/had a relation with an american submissive woman (of course they don't meet very often).
Only the youngest sister, who is very religeous and seems very straight, is officially unaware of all this (but I think she has some glimps about me and my tastes).

Generally it is proven that the family (children and parents in a first place) is the place were you seem to find the least understanding for your sexuality. I am happy to say that was not my case.

I must add that my parents were extremely cultivated persons, with a very strong liberal spirit (inspite of being very religeous), we children are agnostic to 75% (3 out of four), but inherited the same unbreakable liberality.

We like to say that we are Liberals, Libertary, Liberistic and a little Libertine :)

I try to be open and sincere with my own children (daughter 22 and son 17).
I shall not confide private things to them, but I am very honest and sincere when they want to discuss any subject with me ... as a consequence they have a fairly good picture of my quite open sexuality and some suspicion about my taste for BDSM .....

I think if i told my parents I was into bondage I would lose any moeny I get from them for college...car...etc. AND I would get kicked out of the house. Which is also what would happen if I told them I was bisexual, have been involved with girls, or any other number of things. They are very, very conservative. They know I am very liberal and am a feminist (which they discourage as often as possible- they say they beleive in equality, but they like to entrench gender and oreintation myths)- but that is all they will know.

My brother, I wouldnt tell since he's a minor and I'm pretty careful not to mention stuff that wouldnt be apropriate around him since I dont want to be the one to corrupt him...plus, hes quickly becoming more conservative than my parents...

I live with my brother and he found out but I don't think my parents know. I don't discuss my personal life with my family so it wouldn't ever come up in discussions at family get togethers.

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Originally Posted by midnightsky

I think if i told my parents I was into bondage I would lose any moeny I get from them for college...car...etc. AND I would get kicked out of the house. Which is also what would happen if I told them I was bisexual, have been involved with girls, or any other number of things. They are very, very conservative. They know I am very liberal and am a feminist (which they discourage as often as possible- they say they beleive in equality, but they like to entrench gender and oreintation myths)- but that is all they will know.

My brother, I wouldn't tell since he's a minor and I'm pretty careful not to mention stuff that wouldnt be apropriate around him since I dont want to be the one to corrupt him...plus, hes quickly becoming more conservative than my parents...

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While I am not saying that you should out your self. You may be surprised at what your parents know or have tried them self's. It is often the most Conservative that are the kinkiest. That's why it is so much fun when one of them get caught with there pants down so it were.

No my Mother doesn't know. My famaly is old school in there thinking. Thay believe what thay see on TV and in the Movies, on what is depicted as BDSM, and this lifestyle. That and when some sick freeks whent and started a sex traid and kidnapping ring from Cleavlant to Chicago, and Detroit, and when that were arrested thay said thay were in the D/s lifestyle it didn't help eather. You shood here her on gays, even though we have three gay cousins.

Mobius- Im not saying that I dont think that my parents aren't kinky- I just prefer the dont ask, dont tell. I know that they wouldn't accept my preferenes based on the comments they make about my cousin, who is gay, which follow along the lines of how if they were her parents they wouldnt have let her back into the house, payed for anythign for her, etc etc. she wasnt able to show up to thanksgiving on my mom's side of the family because of how she was treated by that side of the family.

fun stuff.

Yea I feel for you. I am on the side of the family that is on the wrong side of the tracks.

Both sets of my grand parents are no longer living. My mothers side of the family whitch are still around will not speak to me or my parental unit. So in affect other than my brothers and there wifes. I have no family.

That all came about when My father, Then the President of a family bussiness fired My ant and uncle after he bought the company. It all went sour some 6 years lator.
Family Grouchs are a bitch. It is sad becouse when he dies. It is going to be a pretty small funaral.

My self and my brothers have had very sparatic contact with them since 86. It is a very long story that I will not bore you with.

Very lonely on thanks giving. But lots of left overs.

My fathers family is a very big mystery. It turns out that during my younger brothers wedding a big family secret was let out of the bag. It turns out that I am Jewish. :eek:
Well I guess 25 percent any way. Let me explain.

My grandfather on my fathers side escaped Russia with his family Before World war II His side of the family settled in Ohio. He hooked up with my grandmother who was episcapalian. His family disowned him. We have no contact with them whats so ever. I was raised episcapalian.

This was a big family secret that I did not know any thing about until my uncle Joe on my fathers side of the family told the story during the wedding. That was in 1992. To say my jaw hit the floor is an understatment.
Not that there is any thing wrong with being jewish. Just very suprised. I dont even have a membership card and my dues are way over due.

He was in intersting old bird. He was an MIT graduat a head engineer at Dupoint. After his retirment he was the Comindeer or however it is spelled at the Sarasota Yaht club in Florida.

I was told that he used to make Bath Tub Gin and run with the Floosys during the rouring twentys.

He died when I was age 18. I would have realy liked to get to know him further.


My Grandmother on my mothers Side, Oh my god watch out. Can you say Bitch. Died when she was just turning 90. Smoked until the day she died. 50 percent charikee. Was not afried to tell it like it was and she was sure to tell you all about it.

Her favorite story was her parents were on plymoth rock when the pilgrams landed on it. When my mother was offerd to join the DAR "Daughters of the American" revolution.

Never new them well enough to even consider talking about sex. For well As I knew they were cloned.

Don't worry about the dues, Mobius, you're not Jewish. Jewishness is inherited through the mother's side of the family. In other words, if your lone Jewish grandparent had been your mother's mother, then you'd really be in Dutch.

Back on topic, my parents found out while I was in college. I used to order manymany books from the old STAR Distributors, and one package arrived pretty well ripped to shreds. The upshot was that We Would Never Speak Of This Again.

And we haven't.

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Originally Posted by masterkurt

We like to say that we are Liberals, Libertary, Liberistic and a little Libertine :)

I try to be open and sincere with my own children (daughter 22 and son 17).
I shall not confide private things to them, but I am very honest and sincere when they want to discuss any subject with me ... as a consequence they have a fairly good picture of my quite open sexuality and some suspicion about my taste for BDSM .....

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Our kids have known since the youngest was 7, and all 3 understand now that the youngest is 22. They all shout TMI when we talk about it, but do not complain or condemn us. Being raised in an open home, they are all "Liberals, Libertary, Liberistic and a little Libertine". They all got a box of 20 condoms at their 13th birthday party, asked us about techniques and methods when time came for their first time, and came home to tell us about it.

In some states, that might have gotten us reported to Child Welfare; in our house, it means healthy thought processes. Our youngest is head of the Women's Rights group at her college, works with "Straights for Gays", and is, I think, a domme in the making.

Gotta start them out young to not be judgemental.

This one time [not at band camp] after I was pretty sure my parents had seen my ropes, flogger, and copy of Sex Tips From a Dominatrix laying out (I was visiting home and also got searched in the departure airport, everyone got a look at all my gear). I tried telling my mom that it was not an abusive thing, and that it was something we were trying very carefully, but she just cut me off and said, "Anything you do is YOUR business, I don't wanna know."

Good enough for me.

Not a chance. lol. My parents are older, and a little bit old school, so I doubt they'd understand my 'situation'. Plus, right now, I consider it a very private thing, and I'm still exploring :p There's only one person who knows, and that's my online Dom.

My father might be alright about it, but he was/is sick and wouldn't understand now anyway. My mother I do consider to be pretty liberal, but I do think this would be a move too far. I do crave to tell someone else, to be able to talk about it and have another share in my thoughts and feelings, but I don't trust anyone I know right now with that sort of information. Perhaps in the future.

I'm sure my parents don't know... and they wouldn't want to. They're quite liberal...for example, they don't mind that we (the siblings--all grown up) grow and smoke pot, but while I don't think they would condemn me for a kinky lifestyle, they would consider it to be way T.M.I.

I do worry though, about my 10 year old daughter. She has seen things once in a while... cuffs under the bed, chains in the bedroom, etc that I have always been able to explain away and forget. The only problem is, when she's older, she might look back on those "explanations" and realize that they don't hold water. At that point I could see her asking Grandma about it, and it will be out.

Lately a couple of incidents have caused me to be more careful. She walked in to our room and found a flogger lying on the floor. In a playful mood she chased us both around the house with it and thought it was great fun. I don't think she realized that it actually hurt! (and NO I did not enjoy it!).

Another time, she saw one half of a set of wooden wrist/ankle stocks behind the door (I had completely forgotten they were there). She said "hey, isn't that one of those things you stick your head and arms in like this [mimicks position in a standing pillory]?"

I was fast... I said "ha ha... yeah it kind of looks like that... but there is no neck hole, you see?"

Whew... I can't believe I got away with that... she totally bought it.

My mother knows and doesn't care. My father and I are barely on speaking terms, so he doesn't know and probably never will...

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Originally Posted by csr

I do worry though, about my 10 year old daughter. She has seen things once in a while... cuffs under the bed, chains in the bedroom, etc that I have always been able to explain away and forget. The only problem is, when she's older, she might look back on those "explanations" and realize that they don't hold water. At that point I could see her asking Grandma about it, and it will be out.

Lately a couple of incidents have caused me to be more careful. She walked in to our room and found a flogger lying on the floor. In a playful mood she chased us both around the house with it and thought it was great fun. I don't think she realized that it actually hurt! (and NO I did not enjoy it!).

Another time, she saw one half of a set of wooden wrist/ankle stocks behind the door (I had completely forgotten they were there). She said "hey, isn't that one of those things you stick your head and arms in like this [mimicks position in a standing pillory]?"

I was fast... I said "ha ha... yeah it kind of looks like that... but there is no neck hole, you see?"

Whew... I can't believe I got away with that... she totally bought it.

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lmoa. That's too funny! Makes me thankful not to have any little munchkins running around. :D

Don't worry though, by the time she's old enough to ask grandma, she'll probably be old enough to know not to. I'd worry just as much about finding her stealing your toys in a couple years. ;)

eb

Oh, and in response to the original post...no, my parents do not know. They just barely saw a nice bruise ONCE that I thought was covered and they acted like they were going to call the cops on my bf. :eek: So now I generally wear jeans to visit them even if it's the middle of summer.

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Don't worry though, by the time she's old enough to ask grandma, she'll probably be old enough to know not to. I'd worry just as much about finding her stealing your toys in a couple years.

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lol... i hope not. I have though noticed that from about the age of 6 onward she has asked to be spanked a fair bit. Can you imagine my friends' reactions when my daughter walks into the room, sticks her butt out playfully and says "spank me daddy, spank me." I'm not making this up, either. Maybe it's a gene... I'm sure I'll never know.

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Oh, and in response to the original post...no, my parents do not know. They just barely saw a nice bruise ONCE that I thought was covered and they acted like they were going to call the cops on my bf.

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There is the advantage that a m/sub has... people are not as quick to look for signs of abuse. People just figure I bruise easily. I did have a hard time with gag-marks on my face once though. :rolleyes: