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I have recently ended a longterm relationship. The relationship ended rightfully and there is no fault on either mine or my girlfriends part. She was my first sub, but i have been into bdsm since i was 13. Now I am worried that I will go another 24 years without finding some one I am sexually compatible with... Does anyone else have this fear?
This is very normal when coming off the end of a long term relationship, and actually often keeps people who are wrong for each other together much longer than they otherwise would.
But keep faith, you will find someone, and don't settle for something that isn't right for you due to worry that it is your only option, it rarely is.
Arch
Ill echo Arch...
but extend it, and suggest hanging around on here, use the chat, try fetlife.com, and find your local munches, and other events, or even try the personal ads section on this forum! if all else fails try using Oz's techniques:
http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/forums/sh...ad.php?t=21856....
all the best,
U.
i agree in what Archeon has just said that this is very normal at the end of a long term relationship but you have to keep faith in yourself and you will find someone else Sir
I think it is a reasonable fear when ending an long relationship, even if you are not into BDSM.Quote:
Originally Posted by hamlet45
You could say it is harder for a BDSM person to find another compatible partner, there are far fewer of us than the mainstream population. On the other hand we search much more 'on target', among people of our own kind, and usually with much more focus on needs and much more communication. I think one evens out the other.
But the fear would be there, as with other relationships. Yes, I for one know this feeling.
Ive been there and done that more than once myself hamlet.
It isnt just something one worries about after long term relationships eaither, go through a rash of short term ones or a mix between bdsm and vanila ones and you have the same effect, the same questions nagging in your mind.
As Arch mentioned its a fear that often leads one to stay in a relationship or situation that would have been wiser to leave or break off earlier,; however, its also a big contributing factor in rushing into things and not being safe in a new relationship or situation that would have served one well to avoid at all costs.
I know it sure made me throw all caution to the wind one time, and I was just lucky to survive.
The best and safest thing one can do imho is take it easy, breathe and slow down, there is plenty of time to do things better the next time.
Absolutely. I think Utburd makes some great points too in saying try to find some local munches (I'm in New England too and believe me, there are quite a few around me)...Quote:
Originally Posted by thir
Good luck to you!
Be prolific here at the Library. Lot's of deserving potential partners here if you give them a chance to 'know' you a bit.
And search the library for "munch" to find threads discussing (and leading to links for local) munches.
I completely share your worry about finding someone else who I'd see as a partner and who is also into BDSM. I think about it quite a bit actually.
I do agree with Meester Andrew - you'll never find it if you aren't upfront about your preferences. After my last long term vanilla relationship ended, I've made a promise to myself that I won't settle any more just because its comfortable.
Good luck :-)
Thank you all for your insights. It is good to know I am not alone in feeling this way. And i have already planned on attending a number of Munches here in New England and am on the search for kinky friends to talk to.