Like Puppy Love

So this question is probably for the more experienced subs out there...when we are young and have not experienced love before, we very easily become enamored by all the new feelings, and it isn't until we have experienced certain feelings more often that we are able to objectively process them. I just can't help but wonder whether this applies in other areas of our lives as well, and specifically, training.

I remember when I got my first job...when I first fell in love, when I first went to college...all these new, exciting things happened that helped me grow and understand myself better. But the more accustomed I've become in each area of my life, the more objective I become. We all know love changes from googly eyes to a much deeper kind...our first day at our first job we give it 200% of our effort...same with the first few weeks of college I'm sure.

I'm not suggesting that over time we stop caring (although that can be true), what I'm more interested in is everyone's thoughts on how the feelings of submissive mature and change when you compare a sub who has not been trained to one who has and is used to the lifestyle.

I realize this curiosity isn't worded very well, but I hope you guys get the idea. What are your thoughts? If love has a puppy love before it matures, can the same be said about a D/s relationship? What does that mean, and how does it grow?

I don't know if I have an answer to love that matures from puppy D/s love to something else... But I can definitely say, I felt all the grade-school puppy love symptoms for the first person I ever played with regularly. I knew that any super emotional attachments were impossible, and totally "was ok with it" (of course i was lying to myself and it was awful!)... But I did the, OMG A TEXT!!!1 reactions, giddiness, mild infatuation... It's like how in movies, virgins get super attached to their "first." It totally happens even if you think you're a smart, modern woman and waaay above it :)

I know for me personally in my current relationship it was and still is just like puppy love, we met on a social networking site set up for BDSM, but started our relationship just like a normal vanilla one. We now three months later are just starting to explore the BDSM stuff. For me personally I need to be in a loving relationship in order to even consider going to the submissive level with someone.

You are completely right, Saheli, in that there is a significant difference in how life changes once a sub has been "trained". I think what you're specifically referring to is that transitional period from when anything is "new" and exciting just via the fact that your curiosity provokes your enamor to the "familiar" stage of any relationship at which point you determine what your day to day involvement can be.

The first thing you have to determine with what will become the "familiar" stage is if there is a stressor which will continuously provoke the "new" stage. I bring this up because there are a lot of online relationships here where the "new" stage has an artificial prolongation due to the last but most important curiosity provoker: meeting in person. There is also something to be said for any long distance relationship having a stressor to the "new" stage which is the "working towards a life together" aspect. If a relationship includes either of these, either people who have not yet met or who are working towards a different daily lifestyle that involves each other, this will lengthen the "new" stage of the relationship in a manner. You will still setting from the extremely new into the familiar in your day to day life - you will go from that meeting moment of intense curiosity and wanting to spend every moment together to how can you go about your week practically speaking - but in prolonging the "new" stage of the relationship the interaction between those involved will continuously feel invigorating and explorative.

Once any relationship moves from the common "new" aspects to the "familiar" stage, there will become aspects of familiarity that reduce the degree to which curiosity pushes the participants together. This is the stage that really tests most relationships and it is during this process that many relationships fail. Don't think that this happens over night by any means. It is established through a series of incremental events: meeting family, a first kiss, sharing friends, moving in together, etc are all major events but even things that seem minor like the way someone acts after sex in person, or the first thing they do in the morning the next day.

Once you reach more and more into the "familiar" aspects of the relationship, your bond has to be reinforced. Deep love can be one of many things that keep a relationship together, others including financial or societal convenience, and lack of other options among many more. You can intentionally, for either fun or simply a closer more reinforced bond, artificially create the "new" feelings via keeping things "new" in the relationship. Either or both parties actively working to be any degree unpredictable to other will do this. Things like surprising your woman with flowers, or your man with that little outfit, or any number of less stereotypical things.

These are among the many things that keep people together, but in the end no matter how a relationship works it is that love - that deeper bond, that affection beyond reason, that deep passion - that's what really makes for the closest and best relationships. When life throws us curveballs, new jobs or new debts, losing family or friends, anything that changes the "familiar", that's when relationships will be tested again and again. Life will include many moments when it might in some present a question of the relationship: can I handle dealing with someone else and dealing with this change at the same time. For some, having that other person makes handling change easier - but for many it is the changes that alienate us from our partners the most that really test that bond. And it is in those moments that we will see just how well love, curiosity, and any number of other aspects that hold us together will hold.

For those who find the deepest levels of love, however, there is no change in the world that could part their lives. It isn't everyone who finds that depth of love, but for those who are lucky - and you know who you are - they can live in the comfort of knowing that their bond will last the test of time.

Thank you so much. I realize this was a very broad question that was probably poorly worded, but you gave me the answer I was looking for. I really appreciate your insight. I wonder whether there is a correlation between the number of variables in a situation and the duration of the puppy-love type excitement of a new situation: it seems to make sense that the more variables there are, the more opportunities for excitement exist...the more opportunity for excitement, the more prolonged the newness. What do you think?

Not merely those overwhelming (because never before experienced) feelings for that first dominant in your life, your first consensual beating, your first consensual rough play or humiliation or just the "permission" to relax and be at ease with your sexuality...

But also that whole concept of New Relationship Energy (NRE) which comes to you with every new person you meet, and even moreso every new dominant with whom you might potentially play or have a relationship.

And these aren't additive feelings... they're multipliers. So that first dom combined with all the other firsts... can indeed be overwhelming... and also devastating when, as most firsts do, they end.

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Thank you so much. I realize this was a very broad question that was probably poorly worded, but you gave me the answer I was looking for. I really appreciate your insight. I wonder whether there is a correlation between the number of variables in a situation and the duration of the puppy-love type excitement of a new situation: it seems to make sense that the more variables there are, the more opportunities for excitement exist...the more opportunity for excitement, the more prolonged the newness. What do you think?

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Definitely.

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Originally Posted by Ozme52

Not merely those overwhelming (because never before experienced) feelings for that first dominant in your life, your first consensual beating, your first consensual rough play or humiliation or just the "permission" to relax and be at ease with your sexuality...

And these aren't additive feelings... they're multipliers. So that first dom combined with all the other firsts... can indeed be overwhelming... and also devastating when, as most firsts do, they end.

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All too true...

Ozme you are a wise man :)