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Do you feel that you can turn your slavery on and off? Do you feel that your slavery or dominance is a part of who you are? Even if you are successful, individual in life. Do you truly believe that those parts of you are something you can pretend dont exist off for years at a time and be happy and as productive as when your able to truly embrace those parts of your personality? Can you truly turn those traits of and pretend they dont exist?
For the Dom in me, the answer is no I can't turn it off.
as for my submissiveness, its always there too. tried to ignore it for years and it didn't play out well
Turn it on and off? No.
However, there are times when I don't feel submissive...usually when I am around people from whom I do not get a dominant "vibe" from. When I am with people who are submissive themselves, even in vanilla situations, I feel/react as a dominant. Go figure.
Ive never worked of the premise that one can turn on and off who and what one is as if changing one's shoes. You can play a role like an actor would, but it has nothing to do with becoming that role. The actor is still an actor, no matter what role they are required to temporaraly pretend to be.
No matter how many times Ive tried to turn away from what I was while on my journey of submission, Ive allways come back to the realization that doing so is to deny myself.
But I also don't see domination or submission as one of those things that fit into some neat little box of definitions. There is a much more fluid dynamic involved depending upon a wide variety of factors as to weather one behaves more dominant or submissive when interacting with another.
It's perfectly natural from my experience to be dominant in those areas where I eaither sence a lack of dominance in another or an outside paramater exists creating a requirment to assume a more dominant behavior, such as when I am teaching a class, or baby sitting my niece etc etc; just as when nessesary to submit to those who hold authority over me as the case may be such as my Proffessor, or my boss at work or my Owner.
No, my submissiveness/dominance depends on my own mood, appropriateness of the situation (like when dealing with my superiors at work) and the vibes i pick up from the people around me, sometimes I don't feel particularly inclined either way but that doesn't mean i've got anything turned off or on.
I think it is a part of what we are, and cannot be suppressed, or not without damage to us.Quote:
Originally Posted by singletaillover
But I have also experienced that they can be pushed to the background of your life for a while, for instance in case of heavy sickness, birth, bereavement or the like.
This is pretty close for me. I don't like stepping in to that more dominant role (it irritates the fuck out of me and is very uncomfortable), but if no one else steps up, I will.Quote:
Originally Posted by steelish
lol, I was going to say no but then was thinking if you were to meet me walking down the street and I was alone I bet you would swear I was a Dom. However, if you were to meet me and my Wife walking down the street you would know for sure who is the boss!
I never turn off my submissive self ever, but, I never turn it on for anyone but my Wife.
I think I just confussed myself with that babble.
I agree with steelish. I am submissive unless I am around others who are more submissive than me, then I become more dominant. It's almost like my instincts say if nobody else is going to take control then I might as well do so.
I'd like to be able to turn my submissiveness "on" more often, actually! Or perhaps just crank up the volume. Am I alone in this?
I sometimes interact with my Master very casually, very much like "myself in the outside world" -- not dominant or submissive really -- moreso than he or I would like. (We don't spend our lives acting "unnaturally" with eachother but we both value being "in our places" sometimes.)
When I'm not with him, I'm not really concerned about the dominance or submissiveness in my behavior, so I can't really answer the original question as to whether I can or do turn it on or off in general life... As for turning it off for years at a time... Well I functioned perfectly fine when not 'reveling in my submissive nature,' though it did result in more high-risk behaviors, craigslist NSA weekend ass-slaps to soothe the beast without quite understanding why, things like that. It's healthier this way, and has allowed me to grow and feel beautiful and all those nice fluffy things, but I definitely feel that I could decide not to embrace my submissiveness, and function pretty well. It's just that I might have horrible unforseen consequences, probably at least physically if not mentally, just "acting out" when the urge hit me instead of playing in safe circles, deciding to find regular play mates, or being the safe girl that I am now that I have my Master to keep me nice and possessed and in check ;)
A hormonal thing, no doubt. Have any ladies experienced a certain monthly cycle to the sensation to want to be dominant or submissive? It may be related to the presence or absence of testosterone. But for me, it's always there, though subject to control, it is inside of me, and always wanting to be let out.Quote:
Originally Posted by steelish
I have to turn it on and off.
No one would ever know that I am indeed a submissive in everyday life, my job and being a single mother requires me to be dominant. That does change however when I am around my Master, then I don’t have a dominant bone in my body :d .
I honestly think I was born a Dom, just as a gay male is born gay.It is who I am. To turn it off would be like a gay male not admitting and staying in the closet. I also think because society sees a dominant male as natural, and a submissive female as unnatural , that it is easier for a dominant male as he doesn't have to hide the fact of his dominance it is seen as a strength by society. A submissive woman is seen as weak by society.. If being a dominant male is seen this way, then I never understood why society doesn't see a submissive female the same.. do they expect a dominant male to seek out a dominant female....I thought opposites attract...at least that's what I always found to be true ....
The monthly cycle in women concerns oestrogen and progesterone. We do produce some testosterone as well, just as men produce some oestrogen, but it is not a part of the monthly cycle. But I believe that the effect of testosterone in both women and men has only begun to be researched. It must be hard, as hormones in plenty interact with each other all the time.Quote:
Originally Posted by Grandpadom
I think if testesterone was part of dominance, men especially would loose interest in domination as time goes by and the testesterone levels fall, and that is not the case :-)
So what you are saying is that that you cannot really turn it off, just hide it away?Quote:
Originally Posted by Midnytedreams
Male sexuality starts with testosterone and ends in the head. Men who've had double orchidectomy (both balls removed) carry right on having sex, they just don't need to worry about contraception.Quote:
Originally Posted by thir
I digress, but... it amuses me when the Gor books use "eunuch" as the ultimate insult for men who aren't dominant enough. In old China the court ladies prefered eunuchs as lovers, and not just because they were sterile: they were reputedly able to fuck for hours.
As a switch I see this as two questions. My BDSM nature is something I can't turn off: I tried for a while in my first marriage and wrecked my head. Of course I don't express it in everyday life, any more than vanilla people just fuck in the middle of the workplace, but it's always there: if someone gives a Dom or sub flirt I'll respond in kind.Quote:
Originally Posted by singletaillover
On the other hand, which side I express is something I can choose. At one time I essentially shut down my Dom side for a couple of years (long story), which just meant that I got a lot more interested in sub fantasies: but when a situation arose where I felt it was OK to be Dom, it was all there just waiting to be let out.
Dom is my default state, but if someone attractive comes on dominant to me I can decide whether to indicate by word or deed that I'll only play if sie submits, or to let my sub side respond. (I've had some entertaining duels of flirtation with Dommes trying to tease a sub response from each other.) And I can imagine the possibility, though it's not happened yet, that I might meet such an irresistible Dom(me) that I'd submit without the choice.
After doing some more indepth reaserch to some of the things brought up.
Thank you Leo and thir btw, its allways nice to examin a topic like this from many perspectives.
One must also consider that in "old china" the concubines and other ladies of the court who lived within the Red City didnt have any other recourse for safe lovers other than each other or the court eunuchs, who couldnt ejaculate and thus get them pregenant (if they could achieve an erection at all,) (any non eunuch other than the emperor himself was forbidden to remain within the confines of the sacred city after dark.) Not to mention that castration in ancient times also often involved a penectomy (the total removal of all the male genitalia).
Tom Burnham's Dictionary of Misinformation failed to verify that being the case or not so much as alluded too a eunuch having sex btw, since euenechs where often greatly rewarded, he "assumed" it meant for sexual favors which was hardely the case so much as internal political nessesities. Not that some euneuchs couldnt manage oral sex just fine if it suited them.
Additionally a subject of a normal castration (removal of only the balls) who is altered before the onset of puberty will retain a high voice, non-muscular build, and small genitals. They may well be taller than average, as the production of sex hormones in puberty—particularly testosterone—stops long bone growth. The person may not develop pubic hair and will have a small sex drive or none at all.
Castrations after the onset of puberty will typically reduce the sex drive considerably or eliminate it altogether. The voice does not change. Some castrates report mood changes, such as depression or a more serene outlook on life. Body strength and muscle mass can decrease somewhat. Body hair sometimes may decrease. Castration prevents male pattern baldness if it is done before hair is lost; however, castration will not restore hair growth after hair has already been lost due to male pattern baldness. Castration also eliminates the risk of testicular cancer. And with homrmone replacment therapy can provide a modern male with some sembelance of functionability.
As for anyone "fucking for hours" in ancient china they were probably practicing a Taoist meditation and or making use of a cock ring (which btw the first documented rings were made in China from the eyelids of goats with eyelashes intact. The flexible eyelids were tied around men's erections, and the hardened lashes were said to increase the pleasure of intercourse and it's duration) or using a forigen object or hand or toungue.
As for Goreans in the fictional setting of the books or otherwise looking upon castration in general or eunechs as un-natural or demeaning practice to commit on a man or as making one less dominait in their eyes, etc, thats hardely a fictional cultural phenomena unique to Gor, nor is it one thats any kind of main focus within it.
As for links between testosterone (which has allready been proven to be linked but not be the only factor involved) production and dominance in general, the more medical reaserch we do, the more we find out that the old biological maxium of "structure equaling function" has been pointing us all along to "nature over nurture" in many phycological behavioral models as well as the purely physical characteristics of anatomy and phisiology.
All of which may seem to have nothing to do with the topic at first glance; but upon closer examination explores the reasons behind such questions as why we as human beings behave as we do in certian circumstances.