Doms and mistakes

pardon any disrespect, but i assume that as humans you all make mistakes too. have you ever made a mistake that a sub got hurt a little that wasn't your intention? when i say a little i mean a bump or bruise because maybe they fell down while playing? and i don't mean like you knocked someone so hard they fell and hit their cheek on the bed post, more like oops should have seen that before it happened. note to self...?

if W/we had a video running at the moment i would be on You tube right now with lots of people laughing their asses off at me, as i did myself at the time. it was a simple mistake of me being disoriented due to a blindfold and misunderstanding a command and boom i fell right off the bed.
i banged my elbow and knee that was it nothing more. He is very upset, very. He felt that He let me down and wasn't taking proper care of me.

He is very careful with me and has been very good about noticing things that i have been unable to communicate, or just simply hadn't noticed. He has me for a novice sub and a klutz to begin with and He has been amazing. i read here about things doms do that are just dangerous and W/we even joke about some things other doms can do with their subs, but as i am a complete spaz its probably not a good idea.

am i wrong or do mistakes happen, learn the lesson and move forward. i was only the recipient of a boo boo or 2 and thankfully no one had to undo the wrist cuffs or garters and dress me to call 911 never mind explain the very red ass i had at the moment? thanks in advance and again no disrespect

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Originally Posted by 13'sbadkitty

am i wrong or do mistakes happen, learn the lesson and move forward. i was only the recipient of a boo boo or 2 and thankfully no one had to undo the wrist cuffs or garters and dress me to call 911 never mind explain the very red ass i had at the moment? thanks in advance and again no disrespect

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Pretty much, yes. The only people that claim to have made no mistakes either are liars or haven't done much of anything. A lot of BDSM involves increased risks. So you acknowledge the risk(s), take prudent precautions, and occasionally take your licks when things go south. Just like the rest of life.

I have made plenty of mistakes.

I wraped around with a flogger.
I used a single tail wrong and left a long welt rather than the red spot from a single impact.
I used a cane wrong and broke the skin.
I used wax wrong and caused a minor burn.
I used a knife wrong and cut rather than scratched.

I absolutely learned from each of these, and in each case the sub didn't really notice until I talked about it with them.

Here you go. A whole thread of accidents.

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Originally Posted by 13'sbadkitty

am i wrong or do mistakes happen, learn the lesson and move forward.

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Nope, Not wrong at all, and you have the right attitude about things.
I would hate to tally up the "oops" over the years. It's just one of those things. You plan, You practice,
You Prepare, and then you crack yourself in the back of the head with the whip! LOL

Cheers,
Twisted

thanks everyone! that helped alot...for us both

Everyone makes mistakes, one of my more serious ones happened when directing one sub to cut another sub with a knife, she cut too deep, and a nasty scar resulted (fortunately nothing more).

Granted not an accident by my hand, but by my doing.

Arch

Master,

and i still wear it proudly, because even though it was a mistake, it reminds me of that night and what W/we shared. *smiles sweetly*


XoXo,
bluefarie, happily owned and engaged to Master Archeon

Thanks :)

My dom set fire to something while we were playing with candles, it was a little scary because i was all tied up and blindfolded but after much swearing he managed to sort it out and go back to what we were doing.. i wa a little bit giggley afterwards though.

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Originally Posted by nibbles

My dom set fire to something while we were playing with candles, it was a little scary because i was all tied up and blindfolded but after much swearing he managed to sort it out and go back to what we were doing.. i wa a little bit giggley afterwards though.

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Lmfao great mental image

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Originally Posted by nibbles

My dom set fire to something while we were playing with candles, it was a little scary because i was all tied up and blindfolded but after much swearing he managed to sort it out and go back to what we were doing.. i wa a little bit giggley afterwards though.

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that is too funny!

nibbles the way you told that story was hysterical.

13's bad kitty: I think it's adorable that he was so very concerned for your safety that he got so upset when you were hurt! So many Doms are so very rough and sometimes I think people forget that we love our little ones so very much. So precious! I can understand how he would have a hard time forgiving himself if you got hurt my mistake. Your sub trusts you completely to protect them and then you fail! Oh, the guilt! I am sadly not a graceful person and now and then my elbow will hit his poor little face and I freak out and I'm wishing I had a safe word and he's begging me that it's okay, he's fine, please don't stop! So tell your Dom it's alright, we all make mistakes, and that if you tell him you're okay and not upset, he needs to trust you that is true.

Double post, oops!

No one is perfect. Mistakes happen to everyone. I'm pretty sure I have even seen some porn where the Dom/Top hit the wrong spot or the knots didn't hold or ended up uncomfortable. One relatively well known dominant told a class he accidentally forgot his long term partner had a hard limit on nipple clamps.

Mistakes are human... it is how we learn. Sometimes we learn something for the next reincarnation but usually we learn for this one...

There is a theory that nests and other techniques for protecting young (and, in the same vein schools) are all evolutionary tactics to allow young to make mistakes in a safe environment. In a nest, a young bird learns to interact with other birds, how to acquire food and so on. They make mistakes, they still get food (parents feed them) and they don't get eaten (parents protect them). In the open, a single mistake is deadly. Humans, with the longest 'nesting period' of any animal (up to and sometime beyond 18 years) not only have this protection but a whole host of other protections (hospitals, police, society in general) that support and prevent mistakes from being fatal...

I was the Dominant on this occasion and I was in the middle of fireplay with my sub. I had put some 70% isopropanol on his back and lit him up with the letter X. It looked so beautiful that I stared at it admiring the X I'd made like about 2 seconds too long. There was an audience and I wanted them to admire it as well. Okay, I can't believe I did that. Talk about screwing up.

He was not hurt but it did freak him out a bit and not to mention me. I think I went into Dom space or something. I stopped play immediately and put vinegar on his mild burn and he did not suffer any pain about it thereafter but was red for a while. We went on with a different type of play and he forgave me saying it was just a tad too long for him.

It was not only scary but a major oops on my part. Next time I will do it and put it out right away!

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Originally Posted by Fiera

I had put some 70% isopropanol on his back and lit him up with the letter X. It looked so beautiful that I stared at it admiring the X I'd made like about 2 seconds too long. There was an audience and I wanted them to admire it as well.

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Not to make too much of an issue about it, but it is never a good idea to pour the alcohol on the person and then set fire to it. The alcohol can go all sorts of places you don't want it to and cause a nasty burn. The best way, if you want fire on the skin, is to use one of your unfired 'fire wands' to draw on the skin with alcohol, then fire the drawing it before it evapourates. Mix the alcohol with a little liquid soap as well, to colour the flame.

Or, if you want spectacular, but little chance of damage to your submissive, use flash paper.

One of my favourite things is the wrappings from amaretto biscuits - make a loose cylinder and place it on the skin - light it, it will lift off the skin as it burns. There is little sensation to the submissive from that one, but it is a spectacular finale.

Oh, that sounds so fun...

I could never, ever do fire play. I am so ungraceful...we have a hard enough time making sure I don't break his glasses :( (I once sat on them twice in the same day).

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Originally Posted by Jennifer Williams

Oh, that sounds so fun...

I could never, ever do fire play. I am so ungraceful...we have a hard enough time making sure I don't break his glasses :( (I once sat on them twice in the same day).

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I would have thought he would have taken them off first.:dunno:

Yes, and we put them on the floor (not a good place). We've wised up a bit since then.

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Originally Posted by Miner

Not to make too much of an issue about it, but it is never a good idea to pour the alcohol on the person and then set fire to it. The alcohol can go all sorts of places you don't want it to and cause a nasty burn. The best way, if you want fire on the skin, is to use one of your unfired 'fire wands' to draw on the skin with alcohol, then fire the drawing it before it evapourates. Mix the alcohol with a little liquid soap as well, to colour the flame.

Or, if you want spectacular, but little chance of damage to your submissive, use flash paper.

One of my favourite things is the wrappings from amaretto biscuits - make a loose cylinder and place it on the skin - light it, it will lift off the skin as it burns. There is little sensation to the submissive from that one, but it is a spectacular finale.

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Well miner, I am sorry I thought I was in a BDSM forum so of course I didn't think I had to tell you that I used fire wands. Of course I used fire wands!

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Originally Posted by Fiera

Well miner, I am sorry I thought I was in a BDSM forum so of course I didn't think I had to tell you that I used fire wands. Of course I used fire wands!

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I presumed you did use firewands.

From the tenor of your post, it sounded as though you had poured the alcohol onto your sub's body to get the x-shape. Pouring alcohol onto someone is iffy (as you pointed out, this is a BDSM forum, but it doesn't mean you are careful, either). Poured alcohol can pool and cause burns in some odd places, it can also soak into the furniture when poured and set fire to the bench the sub is on. In addition, in reading posts here and on other forums, there appear to be folk on here who think SSC and RACk are for wimps, while I'm not implying you think that, someone reading these posts might, and might think I'm being over cautious, and where fire is concerned, I think people should be overcautious. I've seen people do some pretty chancy things with fire. I tend to be very careful with fire - I love doing fire play, but was badly burned as a child, and tend to take a very cautious when using flames anywhere near anyone else.

And lol - you could have been using kevlar flogs, rather than firewands.

stay on the thread topic!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you need to have a side discussion, take it out of this thread!! Any further discussion off-topic will be removed & the parties subject to administrative action.


Consider this your friendly administrative warning.

--delia