A scary "Surprise!"

i've been corresponding via email and chat with a female sub for about a month now. she began by wanting advice on the lifestyle and such. i enjoyed our conversations greatly and found her to be quite inquisitive and intelligent. When i first began talking with her, she told me she was 20. Well, today she dropped a big bomb on me, telling me she was actually only 14. Although i'll miss our banter, i had to tell her i was no longer able to talk with her. Has anyone else had this happen to them and what did they do about it?
slave gary

This is a tricky issue. How to educate the younger-than-18 audience about BDSM so they may draw informed conclusions and decisions about what we do and what they might want to do when they choose their relationship parameters.

On the one hand, a person of legal majority leaves themselves way open to civil and potential criminal legal issues if the parents of the minor find out that an adult has been talking to them about BDSM. Let's face it: BDSM has been given plenty of black eyes by the uninformed and the criminal already; we do not need more.

On the other hand, if people are not willing to educate others about BDSM and its hazards and benefits, then how are today's youths supposed to learn about real BDSM, and not just the criminal crap they see portrayed all to frequently on Law and Order and American Justice?

The simple answer is to inform the enquirer of legal minority to find the nearest Barnes and Noble or Borders and check the Psychology or Sexuality section for informative books on BDSM. Since books are legal purchases for any person of any age (except adult magazines), the minor can legally purchase the informative books and read them and become better informed about alternative sexuality.

Otherwise, all I can say is: Stay out of it. BDSM on the internet is often hidden behind "Adult Content" warnings. Even informative sites like Castlerealm have an "Adult Content" warning and they do not even have pictures on their site. Regardless of this, any BDSM information that is to be gained by minors needs to be gained from books. Trust me, you do not want to be a registered sex offender for having simply shown a minor a link to a BDSM website. You can never run away from that stigma.

I've had a very simular (thought not as drastic) happen very recently. A girl messged me through a personals site I read her profile and she seemed rather interesting. We talked casually about life and non detailed explinations of her past involvement. The conversations were candid but never graphic or detailed then about mid summer after about 2 months of conversation, she informed me she was 17. I cut off contact with her instantly. Told her that until she was 18 I wouldn't discuss anything even remotly related to Sex or sexuality or BDSM and to drop me a line when she was legal. She turns 18 in ironicly 18 more days. I'm really curious to see if she emails back.

back a few years ago I met a girl in a rolplaying room (non BDSM by label but it was damn close) this got more then a little cyber rampent. This was back in the mid 90's, webcam's and digital camera were still not common place. As our conversations got more and more personal and out of the game things finally they went to phone calls. She had a bit of a young voice, but had told me that she had always been teased about her "squeeky" voice and stupidly I accepted that answer and she was promising she was 18. Conversations, email, etc lasted for just over a year. She was also out of state from me, well as luck would have it I had to travel for work and double lucky (I thought) I had a 6 hour layover (okay, it had been a two hour but I had the travel agent make it longer) that was about 100 miles from where she said she lived. We talked more and eventually she agreed to meet. Finally we met in person and I nearly died. She was 15. The meeting was extermly short to say the least and I got the hell out of there. I was a bit heartbroken at the fabrication I had developed emotions for. I got email after email that I never responded to other then to tell her she was underage and I wouldn't continue.

about 4 years ago I got a random message (I've used the same nick online since almost the begining) where I was basiclly ripped a new asshole by someone how I had been the love of there life and walked away, and ignored them she had been in therapy because of my "abandonment". On and on but wouldn't tell me who it was for the longest time finally she did at it was her.

People wonder why I don't do the online thing anymore :mad:

Well atleast you did not realy find out who she was. When she told you she was 14 and if you had continued talking to her. Could have been a trap by our ever freindly federalies.

Could have been a sting to get the a perp trying to courupt a poor inocent little 14 year old.

How many times have we all read about the poor bastard that they nabbed trying to meet with a minor at a remote location.


Your 14 year old could have been a 40 year old cop.

When the cops work a sting, it's 40 year olds pretending to be 14, not the other way around. Until the moment you discover they're underage, you're not doing anything illegal ON THE INTERNET.

My problem is that I can't tell a 12 year old from an 18 year old when I'm staring them in the face, and in real life encounters the law doesn't give me that benefit of the doubt.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Mobius

How many times have we all read about the poor bastard that they nabbed trying to meet with a minor at a remote location.

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Poor bastard?! You have to be kidding! Any adult that knowingly meets up in a remote location, with a 14 year old they met online, deserves everything they get..if the person pretended to be older, then that's a different matter, but then, as Curtis points out (LOL btw), that isn't a sting, cops pretend to be children, not vice versa.

As for the issue itself, i agree with TG. i also think we have to face the fact that the advent of the net is going to continue to give rise to this problem..minors wanting to know about BDSM and alternative sexuality, all we can sensibly do is refer them to appropriate texts as to do anything else could a) get ourselves in the shit or b) Lead them to even further misunderstandBDSM and bringing yet more bad press on us, as a group.

sl

we got into some pretty deep stuff sexually wise, running the gauntlet from plan ordinary sex, to incest and bestiality as it applies to BDSM. When she told me she was only 14, i really freaked out. i doubt if she was a member of any law enforcement agency as i wouldn't think they'd continue on for a month before dropping the news about being under-aged. i think that would have come out in at least the first few days and then see if i'd continue to talk with her.

She did give me a laugh when i broke it off with her; i told her if she were still interested in talking when she was 18 to give me a shout and she said she would. i didn't think about referring her to books though, wish i did.

For me, i just hope she finds out what she wants to learn in a safe, sane and happy way and doesn't run into a real predator. Well, thanks again.
slave gary

I got into it at a young age, and the fact is, its all to easy to click the "Yes, I am over 18" button and erase your history and temp internet files at home.
Its quite a sad agair I think when the entire idea of http and the internet (the freedom of information) breaks down because of governments and people (mainly a load of over-protective parents who are scaired by the media), and thus prediters have more of a chance, because the teenagers are all the more desperate for information... Its not fair (stamps foot)...

A suggestion:

I'm a photographer, and I require every model ... even if she's paying me for personal portfolio shots ... provide a photocopy of a driver's license.

No reason it wouldn't work online too. She can certainly mail a copy of her driver's license to you before you get into anything "interesting" if you have any doubt. Those who are of correct age will respect you for it.

And if she mails a fake or "borrowed" driver's license, you're still setting up a strong case for yourself and making it very hard for feds to allege "intent."


her_Joe

Note that "The Feds" or any other law enforcement agency would not wreck their case by saying at any point they are 18 or older. Instead, they typically play as under-age models looking for a break into the business - clearly stating they are under 18, and showing the vulnerability of needing an adult to help them.
Playing on-line with someone who states legal age for where they are is not prosecutable - they can not show knowledge of a crime; it's as legal as buying something on e-bay that turns out to be stolen goods.
Kudos to those who abruptly broke things off as soon as they had knowledge the other person was underage - it was the right thing to do. If the other person needed therapy "due to that abandonment", the therapy would have been needed anyway; they were getting into things they couldn't truly fathom.

- bracemaiden

i'm only 19...i've been interested in BDSM since i was 16.....

i have o agree with whoever the guest person was...it's way to easy to just click yes i'm over 18./.....

I know when i was 17 i was somad because even if a guy was 20 (it's legal...the romeo and julliet clause---less than 4 yrs in TN it's legal) but simple becausei wasnt 18---no one would talk to me.. It's frustratng..there's no way to learn if people wont talk to you---and as far as going and getting books....to be honest i never even considered it...it was much to easy to just look online...oh well i'll stop the rambling...

Loved the jiggly butt file. LOL.

As for the rest of it. Yes, you just gotta be choosy who you chat to. Personally, i take 29 as my minimum age for accepting chat.

Good job I like chatting to the more mature Man. (smile)

Meanwhile, see if I can send you a 'funny' here. .....
........ Well, wasn't the one I wanted to send you, but at least it uploaded.

xxx