Age in the lifestyle

About a year ago I was finally able to gain a vocabulary for my likes and desires when it comes to my life after doing some investigation into the BDSM lifestyle. This I finally found something that I liked and had the words to describe it.

Though that is not really the reason for my creation of the thread, the city in which I live is not exactly, what I would say, active in the lifestyle....unless I have just not been able to find it. So I have turned to the internet to meet others in the lifestyle, just to chat, and share ideas and the like.

One thing that I have noticed is that most of the people in the lifestyle are usually 30+ years old. I was mainly wondering is this trend rather steady accross from what the rest of you out there have seen???

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Originally Posted by Nightstriker

One thing that I have noticed is that most of the people in the lifestyle are usually 30+ years old. I was mainly wondering is this trend rather steady accross from what the rest of you out there have seen???

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Even when I was in my late teens and early twenties, I dated women in their thirties. They were much more carnal creatures, and they seemed to truly know how to enjoy themselves. With rare exceptions, the younger girls did not seem to truly enjoy their sexuality and did not have the experience to know their own likes and dislikes, and convincing them to try anything new was exhausting and barely worth the effort.

The women I know in the scene now, range from 32-50, and each and every one is a beautiful creature in their own unique way. I have seen younger women at functions, but have never found on to have the "sense of self" that I look for in women.

True. Though at time when I am talking to some of the oder women out there, two though my mind, one "This woman talks like my mother" or "This woman talks like my sister" Both thought are increadible turn offs.

I started in BDSM when I was 15, but I didn't get online until I was 25. So mt BDSM experience has been way more offline than on. Just because I'm in the 30+ crowd doesn't mean I started out that way.

Probably a lot of people can say the same thing.

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Originally Posted by BDSM_Tourguide

I started in BDSM when I was 15, but I didn't get online until I was 25. So mt BDSM experience has been way more offline than on. Just because I'm in the 30+ crowd doesn't mean I started out that way.

Probably a lot of people can say the same thing.

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Yup. I got started thanks to a long-departed book I found in my adult brother's library when I was 14. There WAS no Internet then, and no computers smaller than a car. I thought I was weird for a long time, then I matured to the point of knowing just who I was and accepting it. About the same time, the net appeared and I started learning more about my kink. I'm in the 50+ crowd now, as is my partner.

Actually Nightstriker, yes, i know what you mean. i think there is a slight propensity for people over the age, of say, 35 involved in BDSM...tho i have to say that in my experience, it sometime seems that there are more younger people in the Ds lifestyle in r/l and hence i think there's a higher number of older people online (only as a general trend). i have at times wondered if this is due to younger people having grown up in a more sexually liberal time and some older people being 'stuck' in relationships they are not satisfied with (in a Ds sense), the internet (chat rooms etc etc) therefore being something of an outlet.

It isn't something i have applied a huge amount of thought to though, as i generally get on more with people who are older than myself and rarely give people's age a second thought.

sl

Thanks for speaking aobout your observations. I think that one of the things for me is that the city I live in is so painfully vanillia that the BDSM scene is soo hidden that if you don't know the people in it you are not going to be able to. So the internet is one of the only outlets for me to actually meet others in the lifestyle.

In my observations over the last two years or so (didn't spend much time online before that) I've seen people all across the age spectrum. I have noticed however that the 18-30 crowd is often filled with less serious minded people when it comes to BDSM. Before the people that age come and try to beat me up, ;) let me say that I have had an interest since the age of thirteen (active at seventeen) and I'm twenty-seven myself and still very interested. There are always exceptions, but it seems that the 30+ crowd know what they want and are willing to work for it. I have seen numerous 18-30 year olds disappear from forums, chatrooms, personal sites, and even one on one relationships. I think that is probably normal because these people are still trying to find out who and what they are. I have also seen a number of 40+ women who are just starting because they are finally allowing themselves to explore and, like lucy said, they have been stuck in relationships that are unfulfilling. It may also just be a matter of logistics. Who is more likely to be online? A twenty year old who has no kids, no real career responsibilities, and no desire to stay home on Friday night; or a thirty year old with a child, career and wife (husband) to be with?

Of course the above could be complete nonsense, but it's my two cents. :)

I haven't been around long enough to notice trends, but I agree with Caine, that younger people are more likely to come and go from the scene as they figure out what they want, whereas those in older age brackets have probably figured out what they want by now, so they don't come and go.

As a guess, since I have absolutely no information to back this up, I would think that there are more lurkers and transients in the 18-30 age group, so even if there aren't actually more people around in the 30+ group, they are likely more active, since they've had more time to figure out what they want and are probably more certain of themselves.

As I said already, I have no idea if this is true or not, but it was an idea, and I'm being unusually talkative today, so i had to type it out.

Well I got into BDSM when in was in my late teens, i'm now in my late 20's

I would say that it depends on your location, many of the local munches mid 20's tends to be the average for some reason, yet at other events later 20 to mid 40s is the average.

It all depends on various things, so I don't think any one age catagory is right, since I've known it to vary from event to event.

Teens like to experiment but are not yet really into the lifestyle, so they are unable to take bdsm seriously (in many cases). Part of the porblem is how they romanticize everything (ie kisses are a certain way...)Also, they often cannot grasp concepts like safe, sane, consensual. so they run into problems (plus they are overly concerned w stigma).
mid
who is also one of the *young ones*

I have seen numerous 18-30 year olds disappear from forums, chatrooms, personal sites, and even one on one relationships.

I think you are right Caine. I myself am now married. I never thought I would be. i was what people might call liberated and I had a great time. I now have what I consider a wonderful husband and Master who understands my needs. It can work and I never thought it could,but it needs communication.

In my case, I knew early on (age 12-13, I suppose) that I was different. But I spent years in denial and living a purely vanilla life. With time, however, I was able to articulate my feelings and desires. And it wasn't until I met my current partner 3 years ago that I was in a relationship where I could more or less fully express my sexuality.

So I'm thinking the reason there are quite a few 30+ year olds might be like me.....They just needed time and the right environment to explore and "come to grips" with this part of their lives.

It may be a matter that it takes time for ppl to realize or admit their kinkiness.

When I was much younger, I found that it was no problem to introduce many ppl (people) to the lifestyle. But rare that I found other young ppl already into it.

I think these days, that may very much be changing.