dealing with masterlessness...heh don't judge my word

so as i posted like...just a few minutes ago...i recently split w/my master. he was cheating on me. i can put up with alot of things. that's not one of them. he tried to justify it by saying i was playing with other ppl online to satisfy my age fetish. THAT WAS HIS DAMN IDEA IN THE FIRST PLACE! i bet he gave me permission to do that just to justify his fricken cheating. anyways sorry...venting...anyways to the point. i haven't been masterless in a while. i feel like a little lost sheep and it makes me really uncomfortable. have any of you ever experienced something like this? how did you deal with it? sorry i'm complaining so much. i'm just...ugh i dunno :-(

I don't really have any advice to share I just wanted to say, don't be sorry for venting. I can only imagine what you are going though and it seems like you should do all the venting you need to do.

I hope you feel better soon. Good luck!

It took me months to get over my last rough break up (though it was a vanilla relationship, not BDSM). We'd been together for nearly 6 years and he started "seeing" someone he worked with. After the split I went through several stages, tried to work on things with him, then kicked him out, then freaked out about what I'd do without him and asking him why he did what he did (bad idea, that one), then I was bound and determined to drive cross the country to give him his stuff...

It's hard when someone you love does something that you can't possibly forget. What helped me most was talking to my family/friends and trying to find a bit of sanity and come to terms with being alone. I actually saw a therapist for a while, and it helped tremendously. This would be something I'd recommend if you need to talk about specifics of your relationship but don't want your family/friends knowing.

I also focused a lot on myself during that time period, and spent a lot of time getting back into my favorite hobbies. I made a list of things I wanted to do but was too scared of and made it a goal to start doing those things. I know it might sound strange, but focusing completely on myself helped me to reconnect with who I was, and come to terms with the fact that it wasn't my fault for what had happened, and that it was ok to be happy without him.

If you need someone to talk to, feel free to PM me.

thanks you guys. i'm hoping taking this time to myself will be good for me. but it sure as hell won't be easy. i've grown so used to having a set of rules, structure, someone to guide me...i haven't been on my own in a long time.

Though freedom can be scary, it can also give you tons and tons of room to grow and explore. Hell, after my last break up I immediately went to all the places I'd wanted to go and saw all the movies I'd wanted to see and did all the things I'd wanted to do that my ex was never interested in.

yeah. that makes sense. i posted pics of myself on an album, my old master would never let me cuz he was always scared of ppl finding out about us. hehe more of a fuck you to him than personal growth but it felt good

I see from your profile that you're 19 years old. In a way this might be a good opportunity for you. I agree that you should do the things that interest YOU even if they didn't work for one reason or another when you were part of a couple. It might also be a good time to explore things that you were curious about but didn't have time/emotional permission to explore when you were involved, and I don't mean just sex. Do you like to travel but your master liked to stay home? Did you always want to take a cooking class? Learn to fix your own bike? Being without a partner is a really good time to expand yourself personally.

I also am a big believer in "dating", as in, spending time with people without the expectation of spending ever-increasingly more time with them, and without the expectation of getting ever-increasingly more sexually intimate. If what you are doing with them is fun NOW, and no ons is getting hurt, there's no reason to psyche out how you're going to feel about them next week. This gives you a broader base of experience about how different men treat you, and it gives you back some power in your own relationships.

I'm sorry that you are hurting. Good call kicking this guy to the curb.

You are way-young and have no idea how much lies before you.
So don't fret the loss.
Anticipate the relationships that are yet to come.

;)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by pixie_piper

so as i posted like...just a few minutes ago...i recently split w/my master. he was cheating on me. i can put up with alot of things. that's not one of them. he tried to justify it by saying i was playing with other ppl online to satisfy my age fetish. THAT WAS HIS DAMN IDEA IN THE FIRST PLACE! i bet he gave me permission to do that just to justify his fricken cheating. anyways sorry...venting...anyways to the point. i haven't been masterless in a while. i feel like a little lost sheep and it makes me really uncomfortable. have any of you ever experienced something like this? how did you deal with it? sorry i'm complaining so much. i'm just...ugh i dunno :-(

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I am sorry for what happened to you. All I can say is that many who were divorced from their Master or Mistress for one reason or another, describe the feelings of being at loose ends that you do here. Some even seem to have lost track of who they are, or how to take care of themselves.

I wonder if there have been a thread on this on the library?

Not having tried it, I can only suggest that you take real good care of yourself and yes, talk it through for as long as is nessecary. Also to learn from it.

I hope you get answers from people who have been there.

You will get through this!