Request for feedback on DiamondStar IV

I'm planning to return to finish off a story I wrote 2006-2007, DiamondStar IV - an SF NC mostly F/F story that was well rated but wasn't quite going the direction I wanted. Before extending it, I'd like to do a chapter by chapter rewrite, correcting various issues, adding some more to scenes and cutting out anything that doesn't really work, and most of all adding a theme that's critical to the end of the story but never really got worked in on the initial write. If anyone is willing to take a look over the story, I'd appreciate hearing what works, what doesn't, and what people would like to see.

Thanks much!

Badger, since I love NC F/F stories I would be happy to take a look and provide feedback. It may be easier to do so via email rather than in the review section. Feel free to email me at Xspy4u@yahoo.com

Quote:

Originally Posted by ElectricBadger

I'm planning to return to finish off a story I wrote 2006-2007, DiamondStar IV - an SF NC mostly F/F story that was well rated but wasn't quite going the direction I wanted. Before extending it, I'd like to do a chapter by chapter rewrite, correcting various issues, adding some more to scenes and cutting out anything that doesn't really work, and most of all adding a theme that's critical to the end of the story but never really got worked in on the initial write. If anyone is willing to take a look over the story, I'd appreciate hearing what works, what doesn't, and what people would like to see.

Thanks much!

I loved the story. I think it's one of the best SF-themed erotic stories I've read, so far. here's what I wrote in my 'review' at the time:

Quote:

Reviewer: JimmyJump (Edit) Rating: Jan 28, 2009
Let me guess, your real name is George Lucas, and the reason why the latest Star Wars movies suck bigtime is because you were concentrating on this here little ...errr... diamond...
If not, someone better call Lucas and let him read this story of galactical proportions. Shouldn't Georgie be impressed, at least there's a chance he'll pump the pomp out of his nuts while his crumbled brain might expand to its original proportions when soaking in endorphines.
Anyway, I'll stop badgering Electric with me calling him George and tell the lad he did a marvellous job in creating this universe and everybody/everything that populates it.
Electric George... mmm... now there's a thought... sounds like a nice name for a shiny Star Wars Dildo Deluxe... where's my phone...
JJ (10/10)

A bit tongue-in-cheek, of course...

Cheerio, ElectricBadger.

JJ