How common is it for a Dom to have a sub/slave, and also submit under another Dom?
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How common is it for a Dom to have a sub/slave, and also submit under another Dom?
It is very common for switches.
How common is it? I don't know.
All I know is I would not be involved in such a situation but that's just me. *shrugs*
Yes, I keep forgetting she is switch. It's hard to remember cos I only see her as DomQuote:
Originally Posted by serviam
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ylatch
I'm curious about your question...are you concerned that it's uncommon or unusual and, therefore, wrong? I guess what I'm asking is, how do YOU feel about it?
Ohhhh no no not at all. I just feel like our relationship dynamic has changed, and was wondering if anyone else has had this happen. At first, I was a little cautious about the change but I'm ok with itQuote:
Originally Posted by brwneydgirl
I'm new to this, so I just don't know if this is common or rare is all
An excellent question. Ylatch, you alone have this answer. After you have determined the answer for yourself, discuss it with your Dom. Perhaps you only feel that your relationship dynamic has changed. But if you feel it, then you need to address this feeling with your Dominant. Your feelings should not be ignored, by either of you.Quote:
Originally Posted by brwneydgirl
Welcome to the journey. Enjoy.
Sure, all of us. Relationship dynamics change all the time; that is what relationships do. The changes tend to be gradual, though, so if it was something sudden it can feel unsettling, sure.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ylatch
That's really all that matters; as long as you, your partner, and whoever else is involved are still feeling happy with however things are going, then don't worry so much.Quote:
At first, I was a little cautious about the change but I'm ok with it
Who cares? Look at it this way: since every relationships is unique (because it's made of people, and each person is unique), then everything is rare because there is only one relationship exactly like yours.Quote:
I'm new to this, so I just don't know if this is common or rare is all
Even for kinks that are "common", each person has their own variation of it that makes it completely unique.
If your dom has a dom, and all three of you feel happy and fulfilled, then all the more kudos to you, getting three people to get along like that (when getting just two to be happy can be so difficult!) However I'll tell you the same thing everyone else has; make sure you speak with your dom about your concerns and feelings; communication's even more important when you have so many people involved. Hope this helps!
I once had a Domme (a switch) who was also submitting to a male Dom at the same time. Sometimes I too noticed a difference in dynamics that may be like what you posted about. But at least to me, it really had less to do with the fact that she was both domming me and submitting herself and more to do with what just seemed the way she sometimes felt more dominant than submissive or more submissive than dominant. When she felt strongly dominant that was very apparent in the way she tasked and trained me. When she was feeling more submissive, our relationship became more akin to vanilla than BDSM related if that makes sense. To me it was just part of being in a D/s relationship with a switch. I didn't respect her less or find her less able to meet my needs as a submissive knowing that she was also submitting.
I prefer the sub role and have no plans to change yet I actually think I could be a switch in a circumstance where I had a relationship with a female sub who was more submissive than I. While I know it isn't quite the same, most men are simply raised in our culture to be dominant in everyday life and so I think that could transfer to a D/s relationship. In fact, in my vanilla sexual experiences I have always been the initiator and the top and it feels quite normal. But from what some of the female subs here at the Library have said, they would have a hard time submitting to a male who also submitted. So it may be a sex-dependent construct. I can only speculate but I'd personally think your situation with a relationship involving a female switch, would be less problematic.
The question is not, is it normal, but does it work for you? If it does, it's cool.
My ex-slave more or less panicked when I once mentioned the possibility of my switching: the idea of her Master submitting to someone else made her feel like the ground was giving way. But plenty of people aren't that set in their views.
For anyone new to the scene and wanting to get a taste of the sheer variety of possibilities, I strongly recommend Antoniou's "Marketplace" series. The hero is a slave trainer - powerful Dominant and brutal sadist - whose tragedy for the first few books is that he needs to be owned and can't find a Dom to take him. You might jump in with the later "The Reunion" where he has both a strict Master and a devoted slave.
GREAT recommendation, leo9!! Huge fan here. :) Parker rules!!! lolQuote:
Originally Posted by leo9
Dear Ylatch
It's quite common in some circles by my understanding, but as they say it isnt nessesarally everyones "cup of tea" and I see no shame in the drinking of that cup or not if one chooses.
Within the confines of the group of older kinksters responsible for my initial training there where multiple levels of dominion in existance within the common group dynamic but it wasn't nessesarally sexual in nature or done exactly the way you and others have so far described within the contemporary ideas of a "switch" as an "identity" group where a dom or domme becomes an actual submissive (let alone a collared slave) to another dominant persay.
Though in that group the terminology of "switch" wasn't a titular possibility or nessesity becuase even if one did in fact submit to another in one capacity or another (even sexually), it didn't change their place within the groups pecking order nessesarally if it wasn't a part of the houses affairs or offical hierarchy.
Submissives and slaves in that group had their own internal and fluid hierchial arrangments that the dominants of the house would modify at their whim and the behavior of topping each other (even in a sexual manner) was quite common amongst us.
I did know of one dominant in that group who started off as a submissive first but became a domme later in her life but she was hard as nails and I honestly couldn't see her in a submissive capacity.
Years later I did find two much smaller more casual mor public dungeon type groups, but they didn't take any titular distinctions with any seriousness and often "switched" even with the same partner which I didnt find all that shocking amongst the submissives.
I don't know if it was me or my early training but I was never comfortable with submission of a sexual nature to one who identified as a dominant who I knew was submitting to someone else who may or may not had previously submitted to me etc.
Like if my partner was submitting in front of me in a sexual fashion to another I had just dominated I found it profoundly disturbing. Nor was I able to play along with those who wished to dominante me five days out of the week but have me dominant them for the other two.
It like any aspect of D/s or bdsm may or may not be everyones cup of tea though and as I said before I see no shame in each to their own.
I don't know if this helped any, but I do hope you found my perspective somewhat useful for you. Please feel free to contact me if I can ever be of any further assistance.
I pray that your relationship with your domme be a long and fruitful one all the same.
Respectfully,
denuseri