Sub wanting to take relationship farther

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02-03-2011
antithesis7

Sub wanting to take relationship farther

I was in a LTR with a guy for several years, and, though he was very skilled in the bedroom, he never really understood my need for sex that wasn't routine and formulaic, nor did he know how to satisfy my desires to be dominated.

Fast-forward to now: I am in a FWB sort of relationship with a guy who is a natural born dom, and I can't get enough. Things have been mild, so far--tying me up during sex, spanking, and occasional commands; he's never made me call him master or ask for permission for anything. We haven't formally discussed this as being a master/slave type relationship, but I'm just so into him telling me what to do and controlling me. He has such power over me, yet he's never once abused it. All the things I craved for years, I'm finally getting.

I want this to go further, but I'm not sure it's my place as sub to initiate the conversation. I'm not sure if he'd even want to take it further--he's a very nice guy, and sometimes, it seems like he feels like he's an asshole or something for wanting to dominate me, even though I enjoy it. I'm also concerned about how the FWB situation fits into this; it's been going on for quite some time now, and we are both content to keep things commitment-free. I may want a master, but I have no desire for a "boyfriend" right now.

Any advice?
02-03-2011
denuseri

Sounds normal to me...everyone has doubts at one time or another.

You will never know unless you ask him. It takes a lot of courage to initiate a conversation on this with one's partner when one thinks they may or may not be into bdsm as much as they are. Success ratios vary...some guys are shocked some not, some wanna go overboard some run away. Your man sounds into it enough from what you have told me..so who knows, maby he is just waiting for you to give him the green light to take it to the next level.

I found giving them a letter to read decribing in graphic detail (mostly pornographic too lol) just exactly what it was I wanted them to hopefully do to me... and had them read this while I was giving him...one hell of a blow job. Winks.

Nothing says your arrangment with him has to be traditonal if the two of you want it some other more casual way thats fine too. All that can be discussed at length when both of you are ready to more clearly define things.

Comunication is paramount eaither way in the end.

I shall pray that you find what you seek in him.
02-08-2011
leo9

Quote:

I want this to go further, but I'm not sure it's my place as sub to initiate the conversation.

If you don't mind being a little sneaky, you can do what my ex-slave did. She liked the look of my ad but didn't think it was a slave's place to make the first move: so she created a sockpuppet account and mailed me from there saying "Look at this sub's ad, she sounds just right for you!" In due course, when she was safely at my feet, she owned up and took her punishment gladly. You could use the same trick to point your might-be-Master at your post here.

Quote:

I'm not sure if he'd even want to take it further

Denu is right: if you don't ask you don't get. Go for it.
02-09-2011
thir

Quote:

Originally Posted by antithesis7

Fast-forward to now: I am in a FWB sort of relationship with a guy who is a natural born dom, and I can't get enough. Things have been mild, so far--tying me up during sex, spanking, and occasional commands; he's never made me call him master or ask for permission for anything. We haven't formally discussed this as being a master/slave type relationship, but I'm just so into him telling me what to do and controlling me. He has such power over me, yet he's never once abused it. All the things I craved for years, I'm finally getting.

May I ask how you got to the point where you are now? Didn't you talk about this?
(Btw, what does FWB mean, exactly?)

Quote:

I want this to go further, but I'm not sure it's my place as sub to initiate the conversation.

If a sub cannot initiate important conversations, then communication cannot flow, and as both denuseri and Leo9 (and many others during other threads) have pointed out, it is a MUST for every relationship, no matter what kind.

Furthermore, a sub or slave has a duty to share things with their Master, not holding things back! How can you expect anyone to be a good Master, if they do not know everything about their slave?

As den says there might be a risk, but maybe not a big one, seeing how you are already half way there.

Quote:

I'm not sure if he'd even want to take it further--he's a very nice guy, and sometimes, it seems like he feels like he's an asshole or something for wanting to dominate me, even though I enjoy it.

Then at the very least it should be a relief to him that you really really enjoy it :-)
But if it so happens that he doesn not want to take it further, well, that must be respected as well, right?
And if he does, can you give him some time to get there? Even if you are very hungry? (A well known situation indeed.)

Quote:

I'm also concerned about how the FWB situation fits into this; it's been going on for quite some time now, and we are both content to keep things commitment-free. I may want a master, but I have no desire for a "boyfriend" right now

Any advice?

There I have no opinion or advice, except never mind what others do, create your own style.
02-09-2011
denuseri

If one is not mistaken FWB stands for "Friends With Benifits"which is a casual relationship implying no committment, but involving companionship (the friends bit) and some sort of physical element like making out, sex, etc (the benefits).
02-14-2011
thir

Quote:

Originally Posted by denuseri

If one is not mistaken FWB stands for "Friends With Benifits"which is a casual relationship implying no committment, but involving companionship (the friends bit) and some sort of physical element like making out, sex, etc (the benefits).

Thank you very much.