Disciplinarian or Dom

Can anyone help me out here.

This is my first post after lurking for ages and learned a lot. Thanks guys!

Okay deep breath, here goes

For the first time recently I met up with a guy Id chatted to over the internet. He describes himself as a part time disciplinarian which is all I wanted at the time. He asked me lots of questions to find out what I wanted and certainly delivered. I met up with him 3 weeks ago and for the first time got hand spanked, paddled and caned. May sound a bit weak to some of you but it was a big deal to me! It was great!

Ive just finished a relationship and have been getting into trouble and need someone to keep me in check at the moment. Minor things credit cards, speeding, bad attitude, that sort of thing.

He is older than me and quite authoritative. I'm not interested in any sort of sexual relationship with him which he knows and accepts.

We've chatted everyday since on the net and Im going back to see him again. Hes quite clear about the behavior he expects from me, and the consequences of what will happen if I dont improve. Hes intimated he wants me to keep a journal's of my misdemeanor's which he will review when we meet. If Im unable to call him or e mail him hes asked me to let him know in advance so he doesnt worry. Hes very polite, nonthreatening (other than with a cane in his hand!) but has a definite manner about him which makes me think twice about my actions so I dont have to answer to him. So its working!

My question to you is this : Is he a disciplinarian or Dom? Or are they they same thing?

Can I have your thoughts as to the difference. Hes away over the holidays so I cant talk to him about it. I thought a Dom took more interest in to day to day behavior rather than just spanking for punishment as I thought a disciplinarian would. Im comfortable at the moment with what he wants me to do but need to get it straight in my own head and just interested in the difference.

Thanks in advance

It sounds like you LIKE the punishment, or most of it, making it a reward or something that is neccessary. Almost every sub, at times, thinks they don't get enough attention from their Dom. You don't need a reason to recieve a spanking in BDSM.

If you went to meet your Dom, with your journal of wrongs, and he was to look it over, then decide that you had made little progress. He felt a stronger punishment was needed to bring you into line. You get that excited/scared feeling waiting for him to announce the new dreaded punishmen. He lets you know that he is ONLY doing this for your own good.

He tells you to put your panties back on and there will be NO MORE spanking/paddling/caning UNTIL your credit card debt comes below a certain level. At this point YOU can decide if you're looking for a disciplinarian, someone(anyone) to feed your fetish, or a Dom, who will give out both rewards and punishments.

tj

Miss Ice what you have here is a theropist but without the $150 an hour quite the bargin if you think about it. You go and see him, discus your problems he gives corrective action and you walk away.

It could be considerd a DS relationship or it could move to more vanila but with corpral punishment.

I would think a dom or mistriss would take a deeper role your life. Require a larger comitment. Of course others would disagree. The main thing please be carefull. Lot of crazy people out there. Would not want you to get hurt.

I would recomend a munch to get to know some people other than just hooking up over a chat.

Ive read both your replys with interest and a bit of heart searching.

Ive got a clearer understanding. Tainted Johns advice made me think, yes youre right I do like it. It would be more of a punishment if he were not to cane me until I achieved. Took me a lot of time sitting to admit that to myself.

Mobius as always youve made excellent points. One, Yes Im $150 dollars better off! Fantastic! Shall we celebrate. Ah perhaps not, credit cards repayments...!

I now understand a Dom would deeper role. Thank for your advice. And I will try to be careful.

Happy Holidays xx

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ice

Ive just finished a relationship and have been getting into trouble and need someone to keep me in check at the moment. Minor things credit cards, speeding, bad attitude, that sort of thing.

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i seriously hope i'm not speaking out of turn here...but the one person who you need to keep you in check with the way you conduct your life...is yourself. If you're not happy with some stuff you do (spending, attitude, whatever)...then you should work on correcting them...for yourself, not for someone else who happens to be holding a cane.

Please don't misunderstand me, i'm not trying to rain on your parade, as indeed, other stuff you say about how good a time you had with him, more than suggest that it felt good and hence WAS good...and certainly part of being a dominant is helping a submissive to...live more appropriately...but that's usually at their choosing (with discussion, obviously)..whereas this situation almost sounds like you're chalking up mistakes...so you get spanked...not only is that not dominant..but it isn't discipline either is it?? You don't need an excuse to get spanked in Ds...and i think you're possibly blurring the lines between basically getting off on spanking and possibly wanting to get into a Ds relationship...and wanting to sort your life/stuff that you're not happy with about yoursel out...since i don't know you, i have no idea of the possible reasons for needing an excuse to do stuff with this guy...but either way, you should perhaps seperate the two out prior to bringing them together....does that make sense? What i mean is, anygood dominant will help you with things you say you need help with, of course....but only once you decide you want a Ds relationship, quite apart from wanting help and discipline with the stuff you're not happy with about yourself.

Cripes, i hope that makes sense, please tell me if it doesn't though. :)

sl

I'd turn it around and ask yourself whether you're a sub or a client or a playmate or a victim.

He is what he is, whether you call him a disciplinarian or a Dom or the Bluebird of Happiness. I'm curious as to why it makes any difference what you call him.

---dr.M.