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Hey, im a 19 year old guy. I have been into this stuff for a few years. I like being Dom more but i will do either. Does anyone have any advice on finding a cute girl about my age into this stuff? I have even tried online to find a girl into this stuff because i figured that would be easier.
Try putting yourself out there more. I read your profile and there really isn't much there. Your about me is:
"i write reotic novels"
That's it?
1) You could say a little more about yourself. There is more, right?
2) Chicks like proper spelling and such. ;)
3) If you write "novels" you're probably pretty smart and able to write pretty freaking well. I've never written a novel before; it would take me years! So maybe go with that a little and have a link to some of the ones you've published.
Anyways, girls around your age are out there. Just remember chicks like guys with patience.
Meeting someone online around your age isn't too hard. Someone who holds your exact and/or complimentary interests and who is in your area online is a lot harder. But just be patient. It takes time to meet the right person, just like in any other situation. Being interested in bdsm just adds one more stipulation to finding Ms. Right. At any rate, I also agree with what VaAugusta had to say and wish you luck!
What exactly is the age range you're looking for? 18-20? I just ask because from what I've noticed, from this site and personal experience, at that age you're still exploring sex a lot. I'm not saying I'm not exploring my sexual side still because the obvious would be that I am. I'm just saying that maybe you can find a girl your age and potentially start letting BDSM trickle into the relationship. To where you're both trying new things together. I know 6 years ago, I was far from even thinking about anything like BDSM. And the bulk of the people I've seen on here seem to be from their mid 20s and up. I could be wrong on that. As stated above, I'm sure there are girls out there closer to your age.
I feel like I just rambled a bunch of madness lol I hope you find what you're looking for.
Quote:
Originally Posted by VaAugusta
Tickled me. What can I say?
Lol I'm big on punctuation. For some reason a paragraph without periods frustrated me :PQuote:
Originally Posted by brwneydgirl
Well i'm 18 and tbh' i find it hard to find people this age who're into it also... It's kinda annoying really.
At 18-25 I was into it but I didn't know what "it" was yet. ;) But yes there are people your age out there interested but sometimes they don't realize it yet.
If you are even decent at writing erotic stories posting your stories where they can be seen by young ladies will definitely attract them.
Just get out there, make yourself available, and show off your skills.
It may just be a personal preference of mine, and no offense to you personally, but even if I had entered the lifestyle at 18 (I didn't, I was in my 20's) it wouldn't have been with someone who was also 18. There's no way on earth I'd let an 18 year old, or honestly even someone my own age now, dominate me. I go for older and wiser. Maybe that's part of the problem you are butting up against.
And the whole spelling/punctuation thing really helps.
chrisx18, meet DestinyOfChaos. DestinyOfChaos, meet chrisx18. Problem solved!
Particular Case
In your particular cases, part of your problem may be that online, dominants tend to have CapitalizedNames, and subs tend to have lowercase_names. It's not universal but it's a cultural rule people usually break mindfully, knowing what they're doing. In both your cases you're probably signaling some potential mates that you're on the other side than you mean to. You should also try for a particularly masculine or feminine name, so that if someone sees you they know "Male Dom" or "Female Sub" or "Transgender Bisexual Switch" or whatever.
I would recommend against the kinds of vulgar names some people go for like "BitchOwner7" or "cuntslime_13." Realize that, especially in Chat, your name represents you before people know you. It's your look, your first impression. Choose something that says who you are (or want to be) with some creativity. Doms, a cheap trick (one I use) is to translate something to Latin or Greek. It sounds Dommy, without being vulgar or over the top. Subs, a cheap trick is to choose your favorite flower. Modify it, if you want, with some submissive/girly personality trait (blushing_rose, or trembling_ chrysanthemum (lol) or something).
People will absolutely make assumptions and react based on your name. It's all they have to go on, and it's something you choose for yourself. So choose something good.
General Case
In the _general_ case, this kind of thread always mystifies me. It's really easy to find 18-21-year-olds who are into BDSM online. Here, on DALNet, whatever. The internet is lousy with young men and women who are looking for online BDSM, and every time I go into the Library chat room I see multiple young, single, submissives and dominants.
If the problem isn't that you can't find a partner, but that you can't find one interested in playing with you then it's not because of your age, it's because of how you act. Go into chat, talk to people in a non-threatening, non-sexual way. Make some friends, build up some community cred, and then slowly start talking about kink with your new friends. You'll eventually have the confidence (and the trust in return) to start speaking more explicitly, and maybe scening a little with people.
Subbies...dominants are _really_ easy. Call one "Sir," look bashfully down at his feet or crotch as though he's too impressive for you to hold his gaze for long, and generally act as though this fumbling young man is powerful and has you trembling with fear and expectation. He'll be on you like butter on toast, and he might even become the man you're pretending he is. Just don't make any promises or commitments you aren't comfortable with, and be safe.
Dominants...you want a girl to submit to you, BE DOMINANT. Don't be domineering, don't be an ass, but know what you want and project confidence. Build up friendships with older, more established members of the community (but I wouldn't agree to "sub to learn" or "apprentice" or whatever, I think that's often an ugly trap). Anyway, make friends, build goodwill. When that young lady sees you in channel, comfortable in your own skin and being called Sir by some of the older subbies (this is a gift that they give you to help you get play) she will think of you as a dominant. She'll ask SubbieNet (they all talk to each other, all the time, you have no secrets) about you and hears that you're a good guy who's young and looking, you'll be set.
It's really not very difficult. It just takes a small amount of effort and a bit of time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Austerus
lmao...that's some fly-paper, there. :)
It would be a good one, just to see people try to spell it ;)
One thing I would repeat from Austerus' really good advice. Be dominant without being an ass. A little formal politeness goes a long way when you're just meeting or getting to know someone. I don't know if all women are like me, but I tend to be very skittish of creepy vibes. Even when just making friends, but especially if I were looking for a relationship.
I want to change my name to trembling chrysanthemum. :)
Formal politeness is great, especially with subs because it can give that Unruffled Lord of the Manor vibe ;)
Oh yes
I had the same problem when I was that age, couldn't find any blokes that were into bdsm more than just to think *yeah kinky sex* which was seriously annoying and not what I was after... now I am going out with someone 17 years older than me, n you know what? its great! lol
I'll maintain it's not a problem if you start going to local munches. It's the best way to meet people, and even among the older people, those people have younger friends.
You might find that at 18, 25-33 is really really hot. I ventured as far up as 40 before I hit 20. It was the best sex (and sometimes kink) of my youth.
P.S. Now... I'm a proponent of "turn-about" is fair play. I have SO much to offer. ;^D
My only suggestion would be not to worry about online so much... you could always try a meat market like Collarme.com or Alt.com (if you wanna pay for it)
I always like to tell people that I'm into it after I know I'm really into them... so they know exactly what I'm looking for... if someone doesn't know they are into it, they might not be able to open up about how much they like it. I personally would at least wait until I've kissed the person.
I also like to introduce things slowly, by bringing in toys that one could find in any 'nilla household. for example, fuzzy handcuffs, lil outfits that aren't so RPish. Because I take on the role of a submissive I try not to give any cute back sass until they know I'm going to do their bidding no matter how much I wanna be a smart ass while completing it... (if i gave attitude right away S/He would stop asking me for things and where's the fun in that!)
I think unless you're looking for a sexual submissive that doesn't come with the strings of a relationship, then you should look for a human being first and a submissive second. I'm a 19 year old sub, and my Dom is also my boyfriend and my best friend. He was a virgin when we started dating so it took me a lot of time to build up the courage to let him know about my sexual desires. We started with vanilla sex and slowly I began revealing a few fantasies until one day I just out and explained to him what I wanted in a sexual relationship- knowing that even if he wasn't comfortable with it, he wouldn't judge me because he loves me. Turns out I was right :-) It took him some time to warm up to the idea and we're still taking it slow (he just recently sent me to sub space for the first time, it was ridiculously exciting), but through open and honest communication we're building not only an incredible sex life but a fantastic love life. The point I'm trying to get at is that we are young and a lot of people our age might not even have any clue what BDSM is. By looking past someone who might not seem perfectly submissive at first glance, you could be depriving yourself of exploring an entire new journey into submission with a beautiful soul who didn't know it was exactly what she wanted in her life. Not to say that will always be the case, but you never know.
However imho: even the most casual sex kinky play partners involved in even the most guttural levels of debasement and objectification play need to have mutual respect and be human beings with each other first.
All good advice, so I'll skip trying to be serious and just say, thinking back to when I was a desperately horny 19yo wannabe Dom: if you find a quick answer to your question, patent it. It'd make you richer than Gates.Quote:
Originally Posted by chrisx18
I personally prefer a mature responsible master. I dont think u just go out and find the right person , at 19 I was no where near mature enough to know my own wants and needs. You may try starting with an older partner but I knew at 15 that i liked pain and being dominated but was yet. I wish you the best of luck Sirnot secure enough in my sexuality yet to dare tell anyone. So I believe there are subs your age they just may not know themselves
This is very true. My first sub girlfriend was as surprised as I was when she started getting turned on by me holding her hands behind her back or against the wall when I kissed her.Quote:
Originally Posted by experimentalsub