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Maybe you've done this already...but would you ever be willing to for one day be a switch and have your partner swap rolls with you?.....Basically, Dom/me's taking the submissive role...and submissive's taking the Dom/me role?....if yes...why and what would you like to be sure and try during that one day?
The idea has gone through my head a few times this last week or so. I've been going to workshops studying rope bondage techniques this last couple months and I would love to know what good bondage felt like. I would like to discover the head thing about it too and the sense of being helpless and vulnerable. I'm not sure about torture, especially if I've given good reason to be tortured! Alas my co-travellers are absolutely hopeless at tying ropes but I would be game for most things, even if reluctantly but I would try to put on a brave face.Quote:
Originally Posted by erotic_nibbles
Hmm. Interesting. I have thought about this, and I couldn't do it in a serious way. I'm too much of a sub to do that. :o But, we have 'scened' this a little bit online, in IM's. I have to admit, it was so much fun, lol!! I handcuffed him to a chair, and 'used' his cock, after teasing him mercilessly. He's got a thing about my ass, and I used that to 'get him in the mood' (wiggling and stuff, and him not being able to touch) I gave him a blow job, and brought him off in my face.
He loved it. LOL. He was very shocked too, which was kinda cool. I could see that kind of thing happening r/l, but nothing serious in a bdsm or D/s kind of way.
(dear God, did I really just tell you guys that?! :o )
We gave it a shot--just to see. She absolutely hated the feeling of losing control—submission scared her and upset her. For me...well, she looked great, so that was a turn-on I guess, but the whole being in control and playing dominant just does nothing for me. I'm just not wired that way, in an erotic sense.
It's funny to me because I love M/f pictures, videos, stories—in fact I read them more than F/m ones—all a big turn on, but in a r/l scene I wanna be on the bottom. :dunno:
Mistress Ruby comes out to play - with permission, of course.
I really like your description:
Gender / BDSM Role: Fem/SelectivelySubmissive
Because it could also apply to me. I used to be a 24/7 dominant personality,
Topping from the bottom even when we played. ;)
Then I discovered how much pleasure he gets when
I let him be in charge and how much more pleasure I receive
when we play. With Master T, I'm happy to be submissive.
With others, no.
That said, outside of the bedroom/playroom, we're very much
a partnership. So having him be submissive all day wouldln't happen.
BUT, it is a great fantasy and has possiblities for the next trip
away from the kids. I'd love to put that man on a leash and
parade him around town.
What do I like to do / would be sure to do?
Velcro restraints, my long hair as a tickler, a blindfold...
Yup, I like him spread and available. Ready to tease and please.
Maybe Mistress Ruby is going to have to come out again soon. LOL!
*** BabySub you rock! Thanks for the confession. ***
I would probably not object to to trying it out with my partner. I doubt that I would get that much fun out of it, though, since imagining myself taking a submissive sexual role does nothing for my libido...
But there is more to it. It might perplex my partner. I have met his former – years ago – partner. She is a really nice woman, now happily married to someone else. He has mentioned to me that towards the end of their relationship, she told him she was fantasizing a lot about having rough sex with all sorts of tough brutal guys who take control. Nothing in a very kinky way, really, just totally letting them take over and get screwed silly. So one of the reasons why they broke up was a compatibility problem. She was not content about his submissive disposition – which I find a glorious gift and incredibly sexy.
So I don't want to give him a weird déjà vu for something I am not particularly interested in. I leave it to him. If he comes up with the idea one day, I will consider it. But, in the roles we are both happy to take, me in control, and he turning over control, there are still so many pleasures to explore...
No offense, but from your information listing I'm not sure.....so does this mean you are a Dom or a Domme and not submissive?Quote:
Originally Posted by ProjectEuropa
Yes you did and I'm so glad....Woohoo!....Are you sure you don't want to do that again?....and if you do can I watch?! :DQuote:
Originally Posted by BabySub
That's cool that you tried it though...and now sounds like you have an even better understanding of your roles and how they fit each of you....as far as outside things that turn you on....there are lots of things that turn me on to watch or maybe see in a movie that I wouldn't want to do myself in real lifeQuote:
Originally Posted by csr
Thank you....I feel the same way and that's why I put that up...I try to be respectful to all Dom/me's, but I'm very particular about who I give myself to physically....even in chat it is hard for me because my mind gets into it so much that even a typed scene can really get to me mentally/emotionally and, therefore, physicallyQuote:
Originally Posted by Ruby
Again, I like that you both seem to have a good sense of who you are and where you belong in your relationship :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Ranai
Thank you all for sharing....this subject (and the other one I posted similar to this) are something that I think and wonder about a lot.....reading your posts helps me to define myself and what I want in a relationship better
~~nibbles~~
My husband and I sometimes trade roles, but I never really enjoy it. He's a bit of a switch, though mostly dominant, so whenever I do top, it's fully for his benefit. But I always feel like I'm putting on this big act, like I'm pretending to be something--someone--I'm not. And because I'm so focused on giving an Oscar-worthy performance, I can never relax and enjoy our intimacy. Plus, seeing him helpless and in my control, does nothing to arouse me, it's actually a turn-off.
Like csr said, "I'm just not wired that way..."
Quote:
Originally Posted by erotic_nibbles
We used to do this, when I was at a time in my life when I was "evolving " from switch to Dominant.
However, I wasn't truly submitting as I retained control. While my maso needs were being met, it was only to the degree to which I wanted them to be met.
I haven't bottomed for anyone in a very long time and have had no desire to. So, no, it isn't likely to happen again...but then, who knows?
:D
Oh god no! i'd hate that, and i'd be SO crap at it. It's an interesting question though, because i wouldn't say i was submissive at all in much of my life...but actually dominating someone in an 'official' capacity, lord, no. If i did, i could consider it with someone i hadn't already subbed to...but not with my own dominant, it would either create friction or turn into a silly joke (likely the latter! :D ). i could probably do it with someone i didn't know..but i wouldn't enjoy it.
Having said all that, i do think it's quite a turn on when a dominant does something particularly tender at the end of a scene or something..*tries to think of an example*....like, kneeling down and giving you head or something....i know that's nothing to do with the subject techically, i just mean that humility occasionally raises it's head (so to speak) in the oddest, but nicest of ways in Ds. In addition, humility would be the only thing i'd have any interest in 'testing' (as you put it in the opening post)...but i'm not sure i'd need to anyway, if that makes any sense.
Good question nibbles.
sl
We found out by doing, I suppose. But I don't want to give an erroneous impression: There are lots of things we are not certain about. I would say much of what we do is 'trial and error'. Which is fun, if one basically likes being together.Quote:
Originally Posted by erotic_nibbles
Of course, sometimes, it is 'trial and spot-on'. ;)
Good luck to you, and enjoy the process of finding out more about your wishes and interests.
This isn't exactly what you mean - but please allow my twist on the question. I could never really be a domme, it's not in me, but there is one thing my master loves to do to me that I absolutely hate. It's butt plugs, and being f***ed up the ass! I just don't like it - and it hurts!!! I would love for him to experience it, just so he might understand my feelings. I accept it for his gratification, and the fact that I love pleasing him, but would love for that to just go away!!!
They say some of the best doms have subbed......I don't know if that's true...
I am still popping in to this thread to read recent responses....thank you all for your input....I'm learning a great deal from them all...and that, of course, was the point of my posting this thread (and the one similar to it I put up on the same day)
Thank you all again :)
~~nibbles~~
And if not have subbed, then at least tried out some of the things themselves so they know what we are going through.Quote:
Originally Posted by Garnet99
Garnet, what a great confession! How would he react if you said, "Gee, no. we won't be doing any more of that until you let me do it to you?"
The expression on his face might be worth the "punishment" you receive later. LOL
i cannot ever see myself "changing roles" with my Sir for an hour, never mind a day. this smacks of role-playing to me. being a submissive is not a role for me; it is who and what i am. and the truth is i have no desire to "try out" anything else.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruby
I would love to try that - after all, this is consensual! I'll let you know, if I do. :confused:
Yes, please. My man just laughs and shakes his head no most of the time. Meaning: "Nice try. Next!"Quote:
Originally Posted by Garnet99
Good luck with the "switch" my non-switching friend.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Master Jack's pet
It's funny... I read through this thread again and I was thinking about something. Abitbent said in another post somewhere, something about how people are either "hardwired" or they're not. I'm starting to think once again that BDSM has parallels in sexual orientation. There are people both male and female who can 'try' out a gay/lesbian physical experience--just as an adventure. There are just as many people, likely even more, who couldn't do it.
We tried and it was an absolute 'no way josé never again' for us both. You're more likely to see Mobius in bed with a guy than me whipping a woman, no matter how much she wanted it.
Just looking at the variety of answers in this thread you can see how people are either able or unable to switch. It seems for some things we don't really have a choice.
Once again... interesting thread Nibbles!
Thank you, csr....that is exactly why I put this thread up (along with the other one like it).....I'm very interested in how some people seem to be able to get into variety and yet even in BDSM (a virtual smorgasbord of sexual variety.....physically and mentally) there are those that say...this is it for me absolutelyQuote:
Originally Posted by csr
I don't mind how others view and live their own lives....I don't want to tell anyone they have to be this way or that....I'm just interested in the thought processes....because in learning what other people see for their lives I'm able to then put it on my life, in a way....see if it "fits" so to speak....and I learn more about who and what I am...and not just sexually
~~nibbles~~
I too consider myself an avid student of the human condition. With so much to learn from others it's a pity life is so short! ;-)Quote:
Originally Posted by erotic_nibbles
LMAO, Ruby. Just imagining that with my own dom is good for a laugh...followed by a bit of a shudder. I don't think I could even say that to him with a straight face. And even if I wanted to and could, I have a suspicion that he'd make quite sure I lived to regret taking my smart-assed comments to that level. ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruby
And to answer nibbles' original question, I wouldn't know what to do with myself as a domme. It would be completely role play, whereas I consider being a sub part of who I am as an individual.
csr makes an excellent point as well...D/s/or switch is a lot like straight/gay/or bi...I think we all fall somewhere on a continuum for both, as opposed to it being black or white. I'd say I'm on the straight side of bi- as I prefer men but enjoy women as well...so more towards the middle of the spectrum on that one. For the dom/sub continuum though, I'd be way, way out on the subbie side...lol. I'd expect that good switches come from somewhere closer to the middle ground there.
Interesting threads, nibs! :)
eb
e.b., csr, nibbles, I think you have brought up a very important point here. Thank you all!!
Sexual and relationship interests come in various flavours, degrees, nuances. You mention the dominant - switch - submissive continuum, and the straight - bi - gay continuum. There might even be other spectra with reference to sexuality?
Another thing that comes to mind is that one's position on the DS continuum can change in the course of some people's lives. As ValKyrie describes with her journey from switch to dominant. And that it can change depending on with whom one is interacting: whenever there are more than two individuals in the picture, we enter the realm of complex hierarchies. As described, for example, by women who interact submissively with a male dominant, and dominate another woman / other women.
Sometimes I wish that people engaged in sexual discovery would not feel so pressed to choose a fixed sexual 'identity': 'What am I really?' What's wrong with allowing oneself time to experiment? What's wrong with being open for surprises in the course of one's life? How about wondering a little less about being something, and try out doing something?
Also, should there be members on this forum who have not filled in their profile because they are not sure... I hope they read your comments in this thread and give themselves a break. Finding out that one is interested in BDSM does not necessarily and automatically mean that one already knows which role one would prefer (if any). What's wrong with leaving the 'BDSM Role' part blank, or write 'don't know' ? I am sure everyone here welcomes posts from people who can't really tell where on the continuum they currently reside.
Thank you Ranai for your comments and observations.....I like what you said about "try out doing" something and not just trying to "be..." something....I often feel like that's where I am; trying to "do" and not just "be"Quote:
Originally Posted by Ranai
Thank you e.b. .....and thank you for your insight! :)Quote:
Originally Posted by e.b.
~~nibbles~~
Nope, as Mel Brooks said..."It's good to be the king" :p
I can’t see myself ever doing that because it’s so much of not who I’am to be subservient to someone else in such a manner, the thought and action of doing so revolts me to a great degree really. Being dominant is who I'am.
I've attempted to Pro Domme in the past, but I was horrible at it and it wound up being an embarrasing horrible incident for all involved :yuck:
I'll never try it again.
Some things are just too personal to make professional...