When Bondage Hurts...Negotiations...

We have been together 10 years. His primary kink is bondage. We are getting older. Things are stiffer at times (in the morning my joints don't move as they once did). Sometimes I want comfortable bondage that I can hold for a long time and relish in the delight of it. It's been 10 years, but I want negotiations. If I'm feeling stiff or tight, I may not want a certain type of tie, I don't want to spend all my time concentrating on the pain and not enjoy the pleasure.

If I suggest a negotiation or try to inform Master of a phyisical restriction, I'm "complaining" and he is totally turned off and we may go many weeks before playing again. Or I may get exacylt what I asked not to have, causing me pain that I don't want. I'm not talking about play pain. I'm taking about moving my body in a way it doesn't want to move at that moment. I've even been reprimanded for complaining, even during play. Being told sex had been kept from me because I complained.

I am trying to use my voice to make things as enjoyable as possible. I am not 20 years old anymore. There are issues I face at times and I don't think informing Master of my limitations at that moment is a complaint.

I also don't see it as topping from the bottom. My intent is to give information to Master so a form of play may be determined that is enjoyable for both of us.

What say you Doms ans subs? I'm curious for your thoughts. There is resentment building on both sides.

Gracie

My tuppence

In my humble opinion it doesn't matter whether your partnership is a D/s arrangement; or vanilla; or anything else - if one partner has a genuine complaint to make it and the other ignores it that is potentially harmful to any relationship. In consentual D/s situations it's a no-brainer that the Dom[me] is responsible for ensuring that the sub's health isn't jeopardised by his/her actions, and it appears that may be potentially happening here. I don't that that you are topping from the bottom at all (even though I think that subs have every right to do so).

And if resentment is building on both side please persuade your Master to negotiate - even if you have to beat him into it! Otherwise the alternative is that he risks losing you (and vice-versa).

Hoping this helps a bit.

VV

Quote:

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Originally Posted by VeniVidi

My tuppence

In my humble opinion it doesn't matter whether your partnership is a D/s arrangement; or vanilla; or anything else - if one partner has a genuine complaint to make it and the other ignores it that is potentially harmful to any relationship. In consentual D/s situations it's a no-brainer that the Dom[me] is responsible for ensuring that the sub's health isn't jeopardised by his/her actions, and it appears that may be potentially happening here. I don't that that you are topping from the bottom at all (even though I think that subs have every right to do so).

And if resentment is building on both side please persuade your Master to negotiate - even if you have to beat him into it! Otherwise the alternative is that he risks losing you (and vice-versa).

Hoping this helps a bit.

VV

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I completely agree with VeniVidi on this one. My year and half worth of experience might be a blip to some people, but I have learned that in order for a relationship like this or any relationship for that made to succeed both parties need to communicate. Regardless of what he says, you should still speak with him about it and try to get him to negotiate. I'd rather it be fun for both parties...

I think it's time for a talk about this with your master outside of play, but I have some questions as well. Have you been to a doctor? Are you taking medication for it? Do you engage in yoga or some other form of stretching or exercise? While your master may need to compromise on certain activities, I think you should be doing everything you can to stay healthy and fit.