Something I can't shake..

I've always known something was different, a bit more extreme than most. I couldn't find a way to explain it at first, I thought I simply enjoyed doing what others said because I liked being helpful.. But it was so much deeper than that. I would take direction, do exactly what someone asked of me. They'd praise me and I'd feel this.. Overwhelming sensation inside of me, I got a natural high.. Over time it grew.. I /needed/ people to control me.. I wanted that feeling. I craved it, and still do. I feel like an addict, I get shaky when I'm neglected.. I need that rush, that sense of, well security almost. I want to be owned and controlled and when it began to sexually arouse me I knew it wasn't just being helpful. Sometimes I struggle with it, I try to ignore it because it's so difficult for me to find someone who understands I need that type of bond. That their rage excites me.. Most run from such an idea. So I try to change but I simply can not. I need it.. I can't be truly happy without it. Though I dread that there simply isn't a match for me.. That I'll forever be a misunderstood wandering pet.. A pet with no owner. :/ A little reassurance could help..

Hi! No you're nOt completely crazy, and I'm sure you'll find people to help with your quest. I'd be happy to help with answers to questions or resources if you are lookin for anything specific.

One thighs I would recommend off the bat is: slow down. You're clearly very passionate about what you want, but the tenor of your profile page and your post here make me worry a little bit that you might jump into a bad situation without looking first. I know it feels glorious and liberating to finally have a name and community to attach to these feelings. I k ow that right now it feels like you have to fulfill those needs as quickly as possible. But yo don't. You have your whole life to make it work, please move slowly. Don't make any promises to anyone too early and don give out any real world contact info.

I recommend talking with some of the people here and reading for a while without playing to try to get your bearings. some of the people here have a lot of great advice that stems from personal experience with what is good (and bad) to do. Use that resource!

I'm not sayin any of this because I disapprove of yor post or profile (I think they're pretty hot) but there _are_ predators out there and you could get a kind of rage you don't want if you aren't very careful.

that is really good advice Austerus, and you absolutely right.

XxHarlernxX... welcome to the libary hope you have lots of fun here. this is a wonderful place to meet and learn from others. but i want to emphasise a point that Austerus brought up...slowdown...in BDSM the very first rule i think that should be taught is the credo: SAFE SANE CONSENSUAL ...witch does say it all right?

as a woman online you have a responsibility to the ones that love you to be safe about your kink....my advice would be...if You new rather hook up with a mentor rather than a owner... learn what you can before making the leap ....and have hot steamy kinky fun alll the way!

Harlern--I have to second what Austerus said-please be careful. I know what it is to crave a Dom's touch, his voice, his ropes, . . . wait. let me focus here . . . okay, back under control. I have a Dom (sort of--it's complicated) and I miss and want him so badly it hurts--yes, it hurts not to be hurting--but safety first. Hang out with us for a while-there are some awesome folks here-and that can help you find the right Dom for you, really.
Not trying to discourage you; just want you to be safe. You owe that to yourself, too. Welcome to the family!