Dazed, confused

Hi there,

Been on this website for a while now and often find myself wanting to post something but never really convincing myself to do so.

I find myself somewhat lost and confused by certain elements of my personality. There is a large part of me that feel attracted to humiliation with a deeper sadistic side - which until recently i wasnt really certain actually exists. Now i know it is there.

To add to my confusion I know that there are certain times where I switch into something completely different where I become rather masochistic... not so much that I am submissive but really masochistic.

I shy away from personal contacts due to this because I am afraid people wont be able to accept this part of me

I am not entirely certain what I expect to achieve from this post. But I guess this is my attempt to put it out there that I am not vanilla.... I have no idea what I am. I have no idea what to do... But its good to put it out there to people who might be able to advise me...

I don't have any specific advice for you, but you are not alone. I know lots of people out here have a sadistic and a masochistic side- so common that there is the word sadomasochist for that. And those people that I know come in both sub and dom types, as well as switches, who are dominant sometimes and submissive sometimes. So have fun exploring and try not to worry too much. :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sickler

Hi there,

Been on this website for a while now and often find myself wanting to post something but never really convincing myself to do so.

I find myself somewhat lost and confused by certain elements of my personality. There is a large part of me that feel attracted to humiliation with a deeper sadistic side - which until recently i wasnt really certain actually exists. Now i know it is there.

To add to my confusion I know that there are certain times where I switch into something completely different where I become rather masochistic... not so much that I am submissive but really masochistic.

I shy away from personal contacts due to this because I am afraid people wont be able to accept this part of me

I am not entirely certain what I expect to achieve from this post. But I guess this is my attempt to put it out there that I am not vanilla.... I have no idea what I am. I have no idea what to do... But its good to put it out there to people who might be able to advise me...

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I am not sure if your confusion is that you have two sides, or that you are a BDSM person at all?

Your sides are ones that many people do have, you are certainly not alone in that! Many people are into pain play etc more than submission, there are many rooms in this house called BDSM and they are all ok.

As for having them both, that is also quite common. Don't worry.

@Sickler: What you say you are feeling is certainly close to what I felt when i first joined this forum. Shying away from personal contacts is probably the worst thing you could do right now. What really helped me was going out to my local BDSM discussion groups and discovering a restaurant dining room full of the most amazing people, who welcomed me and shared their own life's experiences. It feels so good not be feel like the only one. I suggest you log on to Fetlife, search for your city and find a local group meeting to attend. Unless you live in Antarctica. May not be so smart to mention this stuff unless it's the week before departure.