Can I Keep It? How to Make Effective Rules for Your sub

If, in the past, Your Rules have been a cookie-cutter list of Your demands and consequences that You copy and paste for a new "prospective" sub, to see if they will be willing to comply, You might be having trouble maintaining a sub for any length of time. If, in the past, Your Rules have been a cookie-cutter list of Your demands and consequences that You copy and paste for a new "prospective" sub, and for which their agreement is required in order to commence a D/s relationship, You might be having trouble maintaining a sub for any length of time.

A D/s relationship is still a relationship. Between feeling entities. Between entities with needs, not just wants. Genuine, lasting relationships are not formed by contractual negotiations. The foundations of all lasting relationships apply equally to a D/s relationship.

Often, I find that subs have low self-esteem, habits of self-denigration, and are bordering on, if not actively engaged in, self-harm behaviors. I believe it is the first responsibility of a Dom/me to look out for the whole well-being of their sub, even if the sub does not want to do so for self.

Before I accept a sub as truly Mine, before I can make effective Rules for a sub, I need to know who they believe themselves to be, and also I need to know who they wish they were. This information will not come out in a question and answer session. This will only come out in conversation once there is a measure of trust in You, as a Dom/me, along with a bit of faith, gifted to You from Your sub. I need this knowledge so that My Rules can effectively guide them to become their true self, to the self they would rather be.

I find that the most effective Rules are of the principled variety, centered most often around unchanging and underlying elements of what You define as an appropriate D/s relationship. As an example, here is a Rule that I recently wrote for My first new sub in 14 years:

Rule #1: i am my Master's beauty.
my Master cherishes beauty. my Master finds great beauty in qualities of character, such as, strength of will, endurance, humility, intelligence, willingness to reason, honor, integrity, loyalty, compassion, commitment, positive spirit, honesty, responsibility, courage, and empathy. Because these qualities my Master cherishes are what i am, i am my Master's beauty. i have given myself to my Master, i am my gift to Him. i will speak only good things about my Master's beauty, about this gift i give to Him.

If i break this rule: If i speak badly of my Master's beauty, i will stop myself. i will think on what i have done, speaking badly about my gift to Him. i will apologize out loud to anyone who heard, even if it was only me. i will speak some good thing about my Master's beauty, always taking the form: "i am [a beautiful quality of character]." In my mind i will always add: "i am my gift to Him."

In the case of the truly beautiful sub for whom this Rule was crafted, by adherence to such a Rule, her sub nature can thrive in a positive way. her internal need to please Me is far stronger a force than her internal want to change her self-perceptions. With such a Rule, I confirm to her My acceptance of responsibility for her whole well-being. This Rule will never change, it will never need to change. It is a timeless Rule that speaks to My unalterable opinion about the sort of sub that Honors and Dignifies his/her Dom/me. This Rule seeks to make the gift of self that the sub gives just that much more desirable and beautiful. Which, in turn, eventually makes the sub's choice of Dom/me just that much more a source of Pride for the Dom/me.

If the Rule is hastily given, or if the Rule is frequently needing adjustments, or if the Rule is among a list of ten others, or if the Rule is not thoroughly thought out, then the Rule and its Giver will seem hasty, and/or inconsistent or clumsy, and/or overly demanding and unreasonable, and/or inconsiderate.

In My opinion, an effective Rule is one that is simple to understand, that is simple to apply, that will challenge some aspect of the sub to more closely match who they really want to be, and that will reinforce for the sub that they have made a wise choice in the Person to whom they have decided to give their self. Careless Rule making will lead to very short D/s relationships that will likely prove ultimately unsatisfying and frustrating for either P/party.

For Y/your Consideration,
CC