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I'm curious what is it about other subs' relationships that made them say "Ok this is the ONE" and start giving over trust to their Dom?
What traits are you most grateful for? Did you know you wanted those things prior to meeting or was it something that "slapped you in the face" (see what I did there) once you met them? What makes you feel the most cared for/protected/owned?
i think He snuck up on me. :)
Seriously, though. I wasn't consciously looking for a Dom. Solis started out as a supportive friend when i really needed one. I was 40, my marriage was failing, and i was feeling sort of lost and hopeless. i found this site, and Solis found me.
Now, i'm most grateful for his steadiness, his trustworthiness, his loyalty, his intelligence, and his devilishly sexy mind. Shall i go on? i realize now, that i needed someone who i felt was wiser than i am (and i never discounted my own abilities in that area) in order to truly give in and trust. i found that with my Master. It's just icing that a certain look from him makes my breathing change and my panties get damp.
You are both so blessed and lucky :)
For me, coming out of a horrible D/s experience, it was that He was consistant.
His words and actions were in allignment... are still in allignment.
That was such a change from what I had known.
I seemed to be holding my breath, waiting for Him to hurt me or leave me or declare me unfit to be submissive to Him. I remember times in the beginning where I pushed, almost daring Him to give up and walk away. But He stayed.
I love that He is comfortable being Himself (perhaps because I am often not that way myself) and doesn't take Himself too serious. (Because I am easily too serious)
He is intelligent, creative, logical, has a way of being the eye in the storm.
And even when He is in a storm himself, He keeps me tethered to Him.
These are all the things I can actually verbalise. Lots more I can't seem to find words for right now.
When I first came to the lifestyle I was inexperienced.. all the way. and while I knew from the start that vanilla would never do (something that caused many a barrier to be errected and kept me inexperienced far longer that i whished)
I would not speak about my desires with anyone for fear of beeing rejected and or being "outed". The disaprovement of others, at that time was something I could not bear. I was pretty much afraid of that as well as of my own desires. afraid that someone might take advantage of them and lead me where I did not want to be lead.. my sexually submissive nature clashed in my eyes (at that time) with my seeing myself as a strong woman.
I first began exploring it by reading stories here in the library section long before I became a member as well as reading on other pages, googling information and so on.
when I was ready to start communicating with others I came into contact with one who was as inexperienced as I but on the other side of the D/s spectre. For first talking it gave me the feeling of beeing safe. Somebody I would naver have to meet, somebody who was as new at this as I.. But we got along really well and had the same outlook on the world...
Long story short: We met in real life as we became really comfortable with each other over time, are now married and have grown into it together.
Where he was hesitant in the beginning he now trusts my judgement as I do his and he can become quite mean ( which I like) and we still do a lot of experimenting and learning. There´s always something new to try. I´d trust him with my life, I´m always able to tell him all thats on my mind, he knows me batter that I myself and is just my other half.. An assertive male with a mind as deviant as mine ;-) I love my Murphy from the heart.
Deigja
Well I have had many dominants over my time in the lifestyle, sometimes many at once (poly has its advantages lol) and you reach a point after a while were you start giving each and every one of them what they want a lot sooner rather then later and stop questioning orders and testing limits. (as Solis so eloquently put it in another thread you become "broken" to your dominants will)
This sometimes happens slowly over time with an individual dominant especially when its your first time and you don't really know whats coming. This process to me seemed to happen much quicker overall within the higher protocol structured confines of certain groups. I found it to be greatly accelerated when your being shared between dominants in the same group and expected to submit to any one of them as if each and every one of them was your master in every regard. That breaking in phase gets easier with each knew dominant.
It is also imho the point where you stop struggling with your own submission and surrender too it fully, making as some would put it the transition from submissive to slave.
I would also like to point out that the feelings of being cared for, protected, and owned are all three very different things and not all of them need be present in every relationship for one to experience that level of submission.