Bringing out your dominant/submissive personality in real life

I see it like this, I have one "vanilla" personality and one part of me that is dominant and which I call Mylady (only slighty schizofrenic ;) ) but now when sort of rediscovering my intrest in BDSM (or in other words taking it more seriously because I have realized that this is pretty darn fun) I have comed to notice that "Mylady" takes more and more place in me, I want to be Mylady all the time..
On the other hand I do also realize that its not appropriate to bring out you dominant side every where in society..allthough sometimes you do meet people that would need a good whipping :P
So now my question is, how much of your dominant/submissive personalty do you "bring out in public", it would be intresting to see if somebody is "totally out" so to speak

Love
Mylady

P.s I bought myself and new flogger today, a really nice one in black leather, my second to so far ;) unfortunetly I have no-one to use it on :(

We have to be quite dominant in our professional lives, since we own a restaurant. Perhaps that's why we are submissive in our private lives. We want respite from being dominant there.

Yes, yes, yes. What J and F said.

When I'm done for the day with my clients, sometimes the only decision I want to make is to let T make the decisions.

That can't be the same for everyone. Who's next?
Inquiring minds want to know.

I am longing for the day when I can be allowed to just be His submissive. Right now in my life I have to make decision and handle difficult things that I would so much rather give to my Joe. He also longs to take it from me.

I haven't lived a 24/7 lifestyle as a submissive but I am sure looking forward to giving it a go. I think I will take to it like a duck to water.

Yes, I will have to still go out and work in the world and be a strong woman. My Joe would expect nothing less from me. But, once I am home it will be all about pleasing and being owned totally by my Dom. Mmmm! So many good things will come out of that I know. :)

I am sexually submissive but this side of me doesn't actually affect other sides of my life. I could never think of letting anyone step on my toes. This attitude often makes (Dom-)people wonder if I'm a subbie at all :D

My sub element is strong but I am known as a 'no-nonsense' kind of person. Submissiveness is there and it's a big part of me, but it doesn't mean I give it to anyone to play with

Sometimes I meet a dominant person who brings my subbie personality alive also in non-sexual situations, but at those moments there's always a hint of sexual tension even if the other person doesn't notice it.

I too enjoy the journey with both parts of my personality in tension. As sayuri mentioned, the tension itself is pleasurable. I enjoy interactions where I am assertive and powerful, and others where I passively "allow" another to take control.
Indeed, the tension of not knowing how the next interaction will transpire is part of the pleasurable journey. Sexual or psychological, there is enjoyment in each. I wouldn't have it any other way.

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Originally Posted by His_pita

I am longing for the day when I can be allowed to just be His submissive. Right now in my life I have to make decision and handle difficult things that I would so much rather give to my Joe. He also longs to take it from me.

I haven't lived a 24/7 lifestyle as a submissive but I am sure looking forward to giving it a go. I think I will take to it like a duck to water.

Yes, I will have to still go out and work in the world and be a strong woman. My Joe would expect nothing less from me. But, once I am home it will be all about pleasing and being owned totally by my Dom. Mmmm! So many good things will come out of that I know. :)

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i am longing also His_pita for the time i can be my Mistress's house boi again. I lived with Her for three years in Montreal. i was Her slave and houseboi. i didn't go out without Her permission and meet Her at the door every evening with a glass of rum and coke and a kiss. Then sometimes W/we would make love right then and there. Other times i would have the computer ready for Her to go onto and relax while i was finishing up dinner.

After dinner i would start O/our shower and i would be rewarded with my Mistress's bathing me and spanking me under the water.

However, right now i am in the states while She is in Canada, both doing what W/we must She says. i am going to school, running my own business, and have taken custody of my daughter back.

Plus, i am my mother's care taker (which is hard since she has a very domme personility and i am not one to push or fight unless confronted physically or my family is in danger). No, this isn't the mother who raised me in the BDSM lifestyle, that was my stepmother.

my Mistress is living with Her own cousin and helping take care of her house and son.

The funny thing is W/we have found O/ourselves in oppisete roles. i am having to take the more dominate role and make desisions and be the "strong" one, and She is taking the more submissive role, because Her cousin is very Domme and treats my Mistress like She is a submissive/slave, (which is hard for me to see sometimes). But, She is always strong so i know She isn't really submissive.

W/we both are holding O/our breaths till W/we can be together again 24/7.

Hehe, hardly ever...if ever. My submissive side reveals itself in the bedroom and that's it. Though I am very easy going, I have a very 'take charge' personality and I don't feel right not being on top of things. The few people in my life that know that I am into BDSM at first assumed that it was becasue I enjoyed playing a dominant role in the bedroom. Ha! Yeah, right! I love being submissive sexually and being in charge in all other matters...for my well being, this balance is necessary. But I'm not bossy! Compromise is ideal in any decision making process, that I do understand and very much prefer, but I will take charge and make sure that compromise is in order...or else! :-[

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Originally Posted by MyladyChris

I see it like this, I have one "vanilla" personality and one part of me that is dominant and which I call Mylady (only slighty schizofrenic ;) ) but now when sort of rediscovering my intrest in BDSM (or in other words taking it more seriously because I have realized that this is pretty darn fun) I have comed to notice that "Mylady" takes more and more place in me, I want to be Mylady all the time..
On the other hand I do also realize that its not appropriate to bring out you dominant side every where in society..allthough sometimes you do meet people that would need a good whipping :P
So now my question is, how much of your dominant/submissive personalty do you "bring out in public", it would be intresting to see if somebody is "totally out" so to speak

Love
Mylady

P.s I bought myself and new flogger today, a really nice one in black leather, my second to so far ;) unfortunetly I have no-one to use it on :(

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I'm a 24/7 slave. I am submissive in both my home life and out in public. Now Master has set rules on things that I'm to take control over and so in those areas i'm doing as he wishes even thoug I'm making the dissions. I call him Master at home ( and I have a daughter ) and out in public. The only place I'm not to do it is at a parents house. Then we use other names that are comciddered "pet names". And of the very few people that I know in this lifestyle we are more out than the others.

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Originally Posted by Lilly My Sweet

Hehe, hardly ever...if ever. My submissive side reveals itself in the bedroom and that's it. Though I am very easy going, I have a very 'take charge' personality and I don't feel right not being on top of things. The few people in my life that know that I am into BDSM at first assumed that it was becasue I enjoyed playing a dominant role in the bedroom. Ha! Yeah, right! I love being submissive sexually and being in charge in all other matters...for my well being, this balance is necessary. But I'm not bossy! Compromise is ideal in any decision making process, that I do understand and very much prefer, but I will take charge and make sure that compromise is in order...or else! :-[

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Ms. Lilly i understand where you are coming from as i have trained and acted as a Dom before but much prefer to be the submissive in the bedroom. However, the difference in my life is more then half the people who meet me figure out that i am submissive, but they assume i am submissive in every aspect of my life and i am not.

i run my own business and have helped several other people set up businesses. Plus, i am a care taker for my mother and raising my 16 yr old who is very dominating to everyone. i also do not submit to just anyone, but i don't dominate everyone either. Normally it is just a case of sizing the person up and seeing how their energy matches with me. But, no matter what i tend to lean very HARD towards being submissive in the bedroom.

Peace and Happiness,

Sweetsboi

a good question!

i think my dom side comes out at certain time in public. For once if peoble are being indesicive i tend to walk over them making that desicion for them. I know this is wrong, but sometimes i do it anyway.

normally though, id say im pretty easy going. I can go along with much, and am wery flexible (sometimes so much that i myself wonder why im dom at other times ;) ). Perhaps my dom stems from the opposite what some of the subs described. Perhaps i take charge because im not in charge in my public life? Still i feal the urge to take charge at times, so perhaps i would be happy in a 24/7, i guess one cant know before your knee deep in such an relationship.

Just flog her until she agrees :D

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Originally Posted by Mrlover

Just flog her until she agrees :D

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On what?

Mrlover, your comments elude me.

Ok, this is very simular of a topic that I have writen an article about. But, am I wrong that just flogging someone until they agree is not what a Dom/me should do? I personally never agree to flogging for this reason when I was training as a Dom and I still don't agree now that I am submissive to my Mistress/Wife.

What good are you getting out of this action if you have to "beat" someone into submission and to agree with you? Wouldn't it be better if the submissive is submitting (and/or agreeing) at their well, not because they were flogged into doing so?

Flogging someone til they agree isn't consitual is it? Besides if your submissive needs to be flogged a lot to be able to submit, are they truly submissive? or do they truly agree with you and make it a happy, healthy relationship?

Just my thought...what is yours?

T

getting a bit off-topic here, eh?...

I would guess that Mrlover is joking around here... hoping, anyway ;)



to answer the original question:
my dom personality shows most strongly when someone gets me riled up, threatens people i care about, or challenges me in such a way that i want to take charge and just crush the opposition.. (in a manner of speaking :P)

sub personality shows only when the right people are around, usually with people I have known for some time, and trust.

and overall, i'm just an easygoing person... I'm a student.. living at home. so I don't usually have to make many decisions. where I work, I'm just your average fast-food server. Most of my life seems to be a rather sub-type of life, nothing that I really have to control.

I'm more submissive in the bedroom than in real life. I'm quite dominant at university really. I'm the type of person who will argue till the end of time over something and I have a quick temper at times....
So to most I must not look at all submissive. Though if people got to know me I'm sure some would notice that I tend not to be the one who will always get another to make decision. I guess ever since a little kid I fell for the men in movies who were the tougher, dominant ones.. so really... i guess if people wanted too they'd know i was a sub.
But I guess to a lot I could seem like a Dom :p

My dominance is not something i do or choose not to do. It has been a part of my personality for as long as I can recall, and it is what I am. Since I found a name for it several years ago, I no longer even try to hide it -- it is the way I relate to everyone.

By that I certainly don't mean that I swagger or carry a flogger or a challenge with me. I am quiet in person; I listen a lot. My former university students, and my own children, used to say I spoke with my eyes. I'm sure my pita will find her training direction more in my eyes than in my words.

I am soft spoken and when I have something to say, some people make a point of listening. I'm flattered by being taken seriously, of course, and have never taken it upon myself to find out if such people share my interests in BDSM. In RL the majority of people we all see rush and babble and never meet your eyes long enough to know anything is happening inside; such folk aren't of much interest; you need a sense of humor and of your own unimportance to know it is best to just stand aside and let most people rush past.

her_Joe