Ghost-Chapter 1

Good evening everyone out there in Living-Land. This is your old pal Ghost come back to haunt you tonight. I hope you're all in the mood for a frightful evening 'cause the old Ghost is in rare form. Got your night-lite on and your covers pulled up? Goooood. Here we go...

The house on Oak St. had been empty as far back as most of the kids in town could remember and of course they loved it that way. The house served as a combination bullseye, ("I bet I can break the attic window!" No way you can throw that far, you pussy!") make out house, ("Come on Kelly, there's a matress in the big bedroom upstairs and I've got some candles if you're afraid of the dark.") and haunted legend ("I heard that some guy killed his wife and kids in there with a hammer and buried the bodies in the backyard.") All in all the house was the best place in the town of Greensville for the kids to have fun.

To say Greensville was small was like saying the Grand Canyon was a hole in the ground. Three main streets and about a dozen side streets made up the whole town and the only entertainment was a bar run by an ex-cop who would sooner set fire to his place then let anybody underage in so the kids made do with the house on Oak St.

What the kids didn't know because their parents never told them was that the house had been empty as long as they could remember too. And as long as their parents could remember. The adults never came near the house so the kids just figured that the adults didn't know what they were up to, but they did. They knew and they were afraid...

I know this isn't a whole story but it's what came to me. I typed this in the reply box and didn't use any resources. I did spot edit as I typed because frankly I don't know how not to, this is as raw as I get.

Pretty good ---I know it is hard for me to not uses spell check when I write even a simple note

Next I want you to edit it and see how many errors you can find---there were not many when you do not fix the errors just highlite them ---like you were doing a proof read for a friend ---

Good evening everyone out there in Living-Land. This is your old pal Ghost come back to haunt you tonight. I hope you're all in the mood for a frightful evening 'cause the old Ghost is in rare form. Got your night-lite on and your covers pulled up? Goooood. Here we go...

The house on Oak St. had been empty as far back as most of the kids in town could remember and of course they loved it that way. The house served as a combination bullseye, ("I bet I can break the attic window!" No way you can throw that far, you pussy!") make out house, ("Come on Kelly, there's a matress in the big bedroom upstairs and I've got some candles if you're afraid of the dark.") and haunted legend ("I heard that some guy killed his wife and kids in there with a hammer and buried the bodies in the backyard.") All in all the house was the best place in the town of Greensville for the kids to have fun.

To say Greensville was small was like saying the Grand Canyon was a hole in the ground. Three main streets and about a dozen side streets made up the whole town and the only entertainment was a bar run by an ex-cop who would sooner set fire to his place then let anybody underage in so the kids made do with the house on Oak St.

What the kids didn't know because their parents never told them was that the house had been empty as long as they could remember too. And as long as their parents could remember. The adults never came near the house so the kids just figured that the adults didn't know what they were up to, but they did. They knew and they were afraid...

Okay the only thing I could find was that I didn't spell mattress right and I think the first sentence in the last paragraph is awkward so in a re-write I would change it. What did I miss?

See the attached document

got your ---is possive and should have been you're

the word night -lite---should have been night-light

the word "goooood" should have been good ----

"bullseye should have been bulls-eye

No way you can ---is a negitive and a positive mix--you can't or you can not ---

matress is misspelled

All in all the house ---should have been the entire house

And as long as their parents could remember.--is a fragmented sentence

these errors were caught by Spell and grammar check on MS Word--it is a useful writers tool ---it does not catch them all but 99% of them will be caught

now in your spare time just write a few short things like this ghost---and use spell check or what ever you use ---and when you get one you think is right post it ---take your time ---no hurry ---this is practice---and mostly homework---

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Rabbit1

See the attached document

got your ---is possive and should have been you're

the word night -lite---should have been night-light

the word "goooood" should have been good ----

"bullseye should have been bulls-eye

No way you can ---is a negitive and a positive mix--you can't or you can not ---

matress is misspelled

All in all the house ---should have been the entire house

And as long as their parents could remember.--is a fragmented sentence

these errors were caught by Spell and grammar check on MS Word--it is a useful writers tool ---it does not catch them all but 99% of them will be caught

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Well see here's the thing. I used the same grammer and spell check you did and here's how I justified my words. Tell me if you agree or not.

Night-lite - If you go to the local store and go to buy a night-light most of the packages are spelled night-lite. Something the reader will identify with.

Got your -If I change it to you're the sentence reads:Got you're night-lite on and your covers pulled up? But that means it would be Got you are night-lite on and your covers pulled up? That doesn't make any sense.

Goooood - This was done on purpose. Ghost is talking to an audience and has decided to drawl this word out for effect.

Bullseye - Yep, the program wanted me to change it, but I looked it up in three different web dictionaries and they had it like I did.

No way you can - It's a kid talking. Again the program told me to change it, but I ignored that in favor of how kids actually talk.

Matress is mispelled. - Yep.

All in all the house - When you push the change button in word the sentence reads: All in the entire house was the best place in the town of Greensville for the kids to have fun. Again that doesn't make sense. What I should have done was add a comma after the second all. I did miss that when I proofed. If you add the comma word likes it.

And as long as their parents could remember - Yes it's a fragment, but in my opinion it's a needed fragment with the awkward first sentence. That sentence would probably change in a revision because the first sentence in that paragraph is just bad.

I'm not knocking word here because I use it myself all the time, but sometimes it picks up things that don't need to be corrected. What do you think?

I have noticed, as Aesop has pointed out, that when one is trying to convey a certain thought or expression Word wants to change it to the acceptable grammar style or acceptable word spelling. Like Good, Aesop spelled this as Gooood, which to me, the reader, was able to understand that the narrator was doing this on purpose for a purpose, go give a slightly scary scene.

I mean, when writing of correspondences and professional letters one would best benefit using MSWord Spelling and Grammar Checker but when writing stories and adding the effects one is trying to convey does word checker really pay off? To me, as the writer, the checker sometimes kills the effect I am trying to create. So sometimes, I just ignore the suggestions for favor of the atmophere I am trying to create. Is this acceptable in writing of stories?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Aesop

Well see here's the thing. I used the same grammer and spell check you did and here's how I justified my words. Tell me if you agree or not.

Night-lite - If you go to the local store and go to buy a night-light most of the packages are spelled night-lite. Something the reader will identify with.

Got your -If I change it to you're the sentence reads:Got you're night-lite on and your covers pulled up? But that means it would be Got you are night-lite on and your covers pulled up? That doesn't make any sense.

Goooood - This was done on purpose. Ghost is talking to an audience and has decided to drawl this word out for effect.

Bullseye - Yep, the program wanted me to change it, but I looked it up in three different web dictionaries and they had it like I did.

No way you can - It's a kid talking. Again the program told me to change it, but I ignored that in favor of how kids actually talk.

Matress is mispelled. - Yep.

All in all the house - When you push the change button in word the sentence reads: All in the entire house was the best place in the town of Greensville for the kids to have fun. Again that doesn't make sense. What I should have done was add a comma after the second all. I did miss that when I proofed. If you add the comma word likes it.

And as long as their parents could remember - Yes it's a fragment, but in my opinion it's a needed fragment with the awkward first sentence. That sentence would probably change in a revision because the first sentence in that paragraph is just bad.

I'm not knocking word here because I use it myself all the time, but sometimes it picks up things that don't need to be corrected. What do you think?

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You have a fine point there --but I am talking about writing and not geting crucified on your reviews---also if you ever hope to have your work professionally published. I have had a few manuscripts sent back to me with all kind of highlighted errors----as far as Nightlite vs nightlight --just because a manufactor misspells it does not make it right ---

and when you are talking in a slang --or the way children talk it is better to do the story from a third person prespective and use " marks" in which case you are using a direct quote from a ethnic or slang prespective.

There are many styles and ways to write ---I am just showing you one--

As a published author ---I used to try to justify the way I wrote ---as this is the way people really talk ---and it is ---but it is not what most people want to read .

even with spell check and grammar check ---some errors get thru ---a good proof reader helps----

the story contest entry I did for the first contest --it was a hurried work ---and I did not put a whole lot of time or thought into it---I posted it on the story side to try to draw new members to the forum to look at the other contest entries---it got terrible reviews---a few from people I had run ins with when I first took over the forum---those I discounted---but before I posted it even in the story contest ---I had my friend --who is also my publisher --proof read it ---You do know he purchased the story ----after I finished it ---so I can laugh at those reviews all the way to the bank.

what I am saying is --I am just giving you some constructive criticism---you can take it or leave it ---

If you are confident in the way you write --great ---but I still use the spell check and then a proof reader before anything of mine is posted or published

I wasn't upset or anything. I like constructive criticism. And I did use quotes with the kid talk and I run anything I'm writing for someone's view through the spell-checker before I let it get seen and if it's something very important I always have someone else read it first. I've just found that the grammer and spell check does have flaws.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Aesop

I wasn't upset or anything. I like constructive criticism. And I did use quotes with the kid talk and I run anything I'm writing for someone's view through the spell-checker before I let it get seen and if it's something very important I always have someone else read it first. I've just found that the grammer and spell check does have flaws.

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I did not think you were upset ---and yes spell check and sometimes proof readers have flaws----I was just pointing out what I saw as well as spell check. I am used to harsh reviews ---and really it has made me a better writer. And to Tell you ---I do not write all sex stories ---I have a few serious novels that have been published. I enjoy writing and I do it mostly for me. This class idea is just a little way for me to give a little back and to try to help others---I am sort of using a canned class I went thru a few years ago ---so I am very flexible on this. And I am hoping my two prize students will help me learn as well from this experience ----and help me help others when they complete the course. As my time is more and more limited
I would like you all to help me refine this course and help administer it to others.

Okay this is my first shot at true erotic fiction. I've checked it over in word and with my eyes but that doesn't mean I didn't fuck up somewhere. lol

She had just showered and changed into the clothes he had specified. Her favorite pair of black leather thigh high boots, a very short red skirt, and a white sleeveless top cut off to show her stomach. She was awaiting him. She had left a key at the desk for him and he had told her he would call when he picked it up.

The phone rang. She jumped a little and picked it up.

“Hello.” No ‘sir’ required in case it was the hotel staff.

“Little girl,” The words he had specified so there would be no mistake as to his identity. She knew what to say, but in her nervousness she stuttered.
“I-I-I am ready for you, sir.”

There was a click as the connection broke.

It took her a moment to collect herself. Once she had, she quickly moved to get into position. She lit the candle she had brought per his instructions and shut off the lights. She then knelt next to the small table where the candle was.

No sooner had she finished then she heard the key slide into the lock.
With her eyes on the floor she couldn’t see him, but she heard him move toward her and as his shoes came into view he spoke.

“You have pleased me beyond measure, my dear. You have followed my commands and trained to be mine without ever seeing me. You have given me the gifts of faith and trust and I am honored. You may now look upon me and see if your trust was misplaced.”

She immediately looked up at his face. It was as he described. Black hair, starting to gray, heavy brows which she could picture contracting in anger, full lips with a small smile on them, and his eyes. They were dark brown, closer to black in the candle light, deep with secrets.

She then looked at his body. There were no surprises. He was as he had told her. His black t-shirt showed his broad shoulders and his strong arms. He was also wearing black jeans and a black belt with a silver buckle.
“Well, my dear, I accepted you as mine long ago. Now is the time for you to choose. Do you accept me as your dominant or do I turn around and leave?”

“Please stay, sir. I accept you,” she said. It was true. He wasn’t the best looking man she had ever seen, but he was attractive and he radiated power and confidence.

“Are you ready to begin?”

“Yes, sir,” she said as she gestured to the pile of silk scarves, leather cuffs, dildos, and other toys.

“No. We will use those later tonight perhaps. The first time must be voluntary. You must submit to me because you choose to. Only my voice will hold you.”

“Yes, sir.”

He held his hand out to her; she took it and pulled herself to her feet.

“You are beautiful,” he said as he stroked her cheek with his fingers.

“Thank you, sir.”

“Strip.”

“Yes, sir.”

He watched her as she removed her clothing. She saw his eyes follow her every move and it made her hot inside. When she stood before him nude he moved to her and pulled her into a kiss. It was long and deep and passionate. She could feel his strength as he held her. She could also feel his hardness.
He spent the next minutes exploring her body with his hands and mouth. Touching her everywhere, kissing her everywhere, letting his tongue glide over her body. He picked her up and brought her to the bed. He laid her down gently and said, “Spread your legs for me.”

“Yes, sir.”

She spread her legs wide, giving him access to her. He climbed in between her legs and she closed her eyes, expecting his cock to be inside her in seconds. He surprised her. She felt his warm breath on her thighs and pussy. Then his tongue found her. It was wonderful. He brought her to the brink very quickly. She was almost ready to cum when he stopped.

“Not yet, my dear,” he said. “Now come return the favor.”

She eagerly moved to his crotch as he climbed up the bed and settled in. She undid his jeans and took him into her mouth. She sucked him completely into her throat. She pumped him with her hand while she sucked the head. She sometimes stopped to lick his balls. She lost track of time while her head pumped up and down. She felt his hand on her hair, stroking her head.

“Stop.”

“Yes, sir.”

“On your back again.”

“Yes, sir.”

This time he did enter her, his cock thrusting into her, slowly at first and then faster and harder. His face was only an inch from hers and she looked into his eyes as he fucked her. Again, just as she was about to cum, he stopped. Pulling out quickly; leaving her empty.

She knew what was next. She had been training for it for a long time now and was looking forward to it. She was afraid as well. Fingers and toys were one thing. This was a real live pulsing cock. Despite her fear, she moved into position; sliding off the bed until she was bent over it.

She heard the slap before she felt the fiery pain on her ass.

“I didn’t order you here, slut,” his voice was harsh; “you must learn to wait.”

“Yes, sir.”

“But since this is where I want you I will give you what you want.”

“Thank you, sir.”

She heard him get the lubricant and apply it to himself. Then he poured some into the crack of her ass. It was cold as it made its way down to her hole. She then felt his cock press against her opening and then he was in.
He went slowly, but the pain was still there. So was the pleasure. It felt amazing as he slowly put his full length inside her. She felt his balls on her ass and knew he was all the way in. Again he fucked her slowly at first, giving her some time to adjust. Every now and then he would slam the entire length of his cock into her, making her scream with the pain/pleasure. His thrusts grew faster and harder until she almost passed out. She was falling into the darkness as he said, “Cum for me now, slut! Cum now!”

His words ignited her and she burst, screaming incoherently. Dimly she felt him explode in her ass, the warmth filling her.

They collapsed on the bed together. He moved off of her and pulled her close. She laid her head on his chest, now bare; he had discarded his shirt at some point. He kissed her on the top of her head and stroked her hair.

“Well, my dear, how do you feel?”

She answered the only way she knew how; with a kiss.

:exellent1 :exellent1 :exellent1 that was great ---I felt I was there----ready for level three? because I think you are

Bring it on! :D

I'm speechless! WOW just doesn't say enough....Thank you, that was wonderful.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by submissivewife

I'm speechless! WOW just doesn't say enough....Thank you, that was wonderful.

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Thank you subwife. :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by submissivewife

I'm speechless! WOW just doesn't say enough....Thank you, that was wonderful.

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now if we could just get your final task of this leve out of the way --whips are not working maybe guns next!

Yeah I'm getting lonely in level 3. I like Rabbit, but I'd much rather study with you. ;)

:gun: Now get to work or I'm taking your guns. :gun:

(Hiding my guns behing my back)

Guns, Sir Rabbit? No, need....I'll get the story done.

And Aesop.....as long as studying is all you have in mind. I still haven't seen those shot records.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by submissivewife

(Hiding my guns behing my back)

Guns, Sir Rabbit? No, need....I'll get the story done.

And Aesop.....as long as studying is all you have in mind. I still haven't seen those shot records.

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Shot records ----I never keep records when I shoot him ---lol

Geeze, isn't that like.... illegal? Not keeping records of rabies shots? I guess you will have to give him another shot so you can document them this time. Can't have a fox running loose without shot records.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by submissivewife

Geeze, isn't that like.... illegal? Not keeping records of rabies shots? I guess you will have to give him another shot so you can document them this time. Can't have a fox running loose without shot records.

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Rabies shot ---I been using silver bullets -----and you do not have to worry about he fox too much ----worry about the warped rabbit ----lol

OH hell, both of you need vaccines.....don't worry, I'll go and get the shots so you two will be safe to run around the forums. Got to protect the members.....

Quote:

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Originally Posted by submissivewife

OH hell, both of you need vaccines.....don't worry, I'll go and get the shots so you two will be safe to run around the forums. Got to protect the members.....

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hey I got some rope and a few canes---care for a little extra credit study????


:bondage: :bondage: :bondage:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Rabbit1

hey I got some rope and a few canes---care for a little extra credit study????


:bondage: :bondage: :bondage:

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uuuuuuummmmmmmm forget the members..... They can defend themselves. The thought of a cane used on me is just to scary to think about...so to answer your question....NO I don't want the extra credit!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by submissivewife

uuuuuuummmmmmmm forget the members..... They can defend themselves. The thought of a cane used on me is just to scary to think about...so to answer your question....NO I don't want the extra credit!

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Kill joy ----then you better get hopping to get your task done just to bearly pass into level three :whip2:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Rabbit1

Kill joy ----then you better get hopping to get your task done just to bearly pass into level three :whip2:

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Yes, Sir Rabbit....It is now posted. Barely? Isn't there any other way for extra credit?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by submissivewife

Yes, Sir Rabbit....It is now posted. Barely? Isn't there any other way for extra credit?

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with a warped bunny like me ---lol

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Originally Posted by Rabbit1

with a warped bunny like me ---lol

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Good point.....I'll pass on the extra credit.