domming a male ...

Okay, I admit it, my experience with being dominant has been with 3 females, no men. And all of them have liked being spanked, which is probably the reason we got along so well.

I have been thinking about taking a male sub, but wouldn't know how to treat him ... wait a minute, that's dumb! Really, how much different can it be? I guess breast bondage wouldn't quite be the same ...

My thoughts are - when I first get a female sub, I delve into her mind, I try to understand her and her thoughts and feelings. Then I start with small tasks, and build up to a level of trust. I have to say, I see my subs as pretty strong women; god knows I couldn't stand the things I do to me! I'm just not sure if I could see a male sub that way. I think I would have a different mindset, although that might just be because it's new. I'm not sure I could have enough respect for a male sub, although I do think it's pretty amazing for them to admit they like to be dominated.

On the other hand, I can see certain advantages to having a male sub.

I'm waffling here - any help would be appreciated!

Good Lord--AGAIN I side with Lady A--male subs so nothing for me. While I'm a tolerant chap (except for terrorists), I have not a single homosexual cell in me and I don't wanna TOUCH another man and I cannot see them as subs, pain toys, etc. No doubt it's my learned behavior but I see no need to change.

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Originally posted by LadyAmanda
Okay, I admit it, my experience with being dominant has been with 3 females, no men. And all of them have liked being spanked, which is probably the reason we got along so well.

I have been thinking about taking a male sub, but wouldn't know how to treat him ... wait a minute, that's dumb! Really, how much different can it be? I guess breast bondage wouldn't quite be the same ...

My thoughts are - when I first get a female sub, I delve into her mind, I try to understand her and her thoughts and feelings. Then I start with small tasks, and build up to a level of trust. I have to say, I see my subs as pretty strong women; god knows I couldn't stand the things I do to me! I'm just not sure if I could see a male sub that way. I think I would have a different mindset, although that might just be because it's new. I'm not sure I could have enough respect for a male sub, although I do think it's pretty amazing for them to admit they like to be dominated.

On the other hand, I can see certain advantages to having a male sub.

I'm waffling here - any help would be appreciated!

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Its the same, though I have never dominated a male... just females...

I would have to say though that you do the same things... Males are probably more Hard core then women (let the FLAMMING begin)

Kostly

I would have to strongly disagree with you, Kostly.

I am a submissive but not really into pain. However, after having a baby, I believe that women are much more tolerant to pain than men on average. I had a c section whenre I had an 8 inch hole cut into my stomach all of my muscles seperated and spread then had a baby pulled out then stapled shut again. Funny thing is, they had a hard time keeping me in bed afterwards. lol.

I also know women who are extremely hardcore. I know one that, for her 50th birthday got lashed with a bull whip 50 times and also has been branded on her inner thigh.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that men can't be just as hard core as the women I have met, but 95% of the men I have met, both online and in real life have been HUGE wimps. I think the only guy I ever met that could handle a lot was that one I met that liked having a bowling ball swing off of his nuts!

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Originally posted by Kostly
Males are probably more Hard core then women (let the FLAMMING begin)

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Do you really think so? How many men do you know who've agreed (it was something outside our contract that my Domme felt required my consent) to a punishment that involved their Dominant's venomous scorpion stinging them? Sure, it was done with a shot of antivenin beforehand (I would have preferred after the sting, but my Domme insisted it be done before) but... but... *proudly display the sting scar on my leg* How many? Hmmm?

When it comes to SM, I live in a bloody city. The scene here seems to be more blade and needle focused than any other I've slid in or out of, and I've been all over the East Coast (of the US). Guess which gender I see doing more blood play? Women. It's easily a 2 to 1 ratio.

Though, to be honest, I run in lesbian circles. There may be plenty of men out there doing it. I just don't see them. So I won't claim that women are more hard core or make better pain sluts. I only ask that you consider the above examples that women can play hard too.

When it all comes down to it I that I think it depends on the mindset of both the Dominant and the submissive, not the gender identification of the either. For instance, I've taken pain that would have made me bolt from any casual scene while under contract with a strict Domme. I've witnessed the same where the participants are a variety of genders (and some who fall between the gender lines as well). I really don't think one is physically or anatomically better suited to torture than another. Societal programming... now that's another issue...

kittenfemme, I have to take My hat off to you, accepting the sting of a scorpion... WOW! I have to say I am impressed. Oh, and I would qualify that as "hardcore" in My book. your Mistress must have been ~very~ proud of her kitten, I would have been.

I think that you and Finding Fantasy have distroyed any notions of the "fairer sex" being in any way less tolerant to pain.

Pain is a very personal thing. I theorise that no two people, reguardless of gender, expeience pain in the same way. WE all know it "hurts", but then we almost all know what the color red looks like to O/our own eyes. What does red look like to someone else's eyes? No one will ever truely know. We only know that red is red because when we look at something "red" our eyes perceive it as a different color than the things around it. So we learn that that set of stimulous is "red", at least to ourselves anyway. ;)

Pain is the same thing. It is a personal interprutaion of stimuli upon the body and mind from some source. But, and this is important, only you can discover what level of pain is too much, too "hardcore" for you personaly. THough I am a strong believer in the fact that we can decide to endure quite a bit of this stimuli if it pleases us. It transcends gender and is a completely unique experience for us all.

Therefor, "hardcore" is relevant only to the individual. I would suggest that there are very few who would like the kiss of a scorpion out there. Pain is a spiritual, personal part of life and can not be judged by a context of gender or the poulation at large as a thermometer.

OK, enough preaching about pain...

Back to the original question posed by Lady Amanda.... Domming is Domming. Gender really is once again irrelavant. OK, there are physiological differences. Yes, breast bondage will be a limited use in your repertoire, but you can move on to testicular bondage easily enough. Go back to basics, find out what your masculine subby wants and needs and give it to him, just as you would were he a female submissive. Perhaps, your new boy will have a high tolerance for pain and like to see if he can snap your favorite cane with his shoulders, perhaps he is one who does not enjoy pain. Find out and enjoy him as you would any submissive.

Lady Amanda, you are experienced in beign a Dominant. Go with it. Take this as an oppertunity. Take a deep breath and face it with all the strength that your new submissive needs to see from you. You have done everything before, the only difference here before you now is external genitalia to manipulate. Enjoy your new toy.

LT


ps...

If You take this as a learning experience for Yourself, perhaps You could post what You are learning about Your new experience as a Domme, kinda share what You have learned with the rest of the class so to speak. Of course, this would have to be Your and Your boy's descision and none of O/our buisness, but it might be insightful to look back at a new experience as You relate it for others to see.

The domming would be done on-line, not in person, so that changes some things for me. 2 of my subs were on-line. They were together, so punishing one was done by the other. When either of them ticked me off, I had the other one administer the punishment, which was almost as bad for her as receiving the punishment was for the other.

I still have a bit of a mental block about punishing someone when you're not there with them, but I am slowly dreaming up new ways to do this. I mean really, how do you cuff yourself, tie yourself up, spank yourself?

Any ideas are gratefully accepted ... I would like to add to my experience by domming a male - oh, hell, lets just cut to the chase - I think domming a male could be a hell of a lot of fun! I'm just not sure where to start. I know, I know, same place I'd start with any sub.

Amanda

I find it interesting that as everyone dicusses what D/s means to them, from a male or female perspective, the entire conversation pretty much revolves around tolerance of pain during play. (the extremes)

I don't want to preach, but putting so much emphasis on pain and play is like saying a slice of pepperoni can be called a pizza. Don't get me wrong, i love pepperoni, but there's so much to love about the whole pizza that often i've got more toppings than dough!

Something I've learned about this lifestyle, as i've slowly tried to figure out what all these different feelings of submission in me are all about, is that the extreme is great, but there are so many tiny little things that are worth savouring in between.

Amanda, i suppose men and women are different, but true submission doesn't have to be all that different between genders. For play, there of course is the obvious, we men have extra bits down below so you may take advantage of that, but the phsychlogical things that go on in our heads when we are submitting i'd suggest are probably pretty close to being the same.

For me, i love it when a Domme has me do, or asks things of me that make absolutely no sense to me, other than "because that's the way she wants it." ie... have him kneel and hold a dime against the wall with his nose, perhaps while naked.

You choose the amount of time, and personally it drives me crazy if i'm left unnoticed for awhile. See, this task, can have no real purpose, but for one reason: "because that's what She'll have me do and i'd better do it."

It's funny, but for some reason, tasks that have no purpose but for what i mentioned above, really sinks me deep into subspace. It's not just the dime trick either. You can be as obvious or as subtle as you like.

Another example.... i was at a munch (munch = streetclothes gathering of kinkyfolk at a local restaurant in case you didn't know) with a Domme. We sat at a table amongst others and ordered some food. The munch was about an hour out of town for me, i'd had quite a long day and i'd not eaten since breakfast. I was starving! We all ordered at the table and a giant plate of wings arrived for me. The smell was delightful. As a habit, i make sure not to touch food until my Domme has had Her first bite, so i was waiting for my qeue. Before She took Her first bite, She quietly said to me "Sit on your hands boy."

There i sat, the smell of those chicken wings filling my nostrils and my stomach grumbling. A few taunts came from other Dommes at the table, and my Mistress barely gave me a second look. My mind was a buzz with question marks... will i get to eat... does She know my food is getting cold... has She forgotten about me? As time passed, everyone was finishing up their meal, and i still sat dilligently in perfect obedience. The waitress came by, looked at my plate and asked if there was something wrong with my meal. Still sitting on my hands, i was about to reply when my Mistress said, "He's not as hungry as he thought he was, don't worry about packing that up, we wont' be taking it home."
Out of the corner of my eye, i watched that heaping plate of wings be carried away destined for a garbage can. The searing eyes of my Mistress upon me, my stomach grumbling. My mind was a total mess, i was shaking and hard i'm sure, and i knew She was proud of me.

So you see, no whips, no crosses, no leather and i was in deep subspace. It's an absolutely amazing feeling and i'm addicted to it.

Think i'll pick up the phone and order some wings.... :o)

bent

ps... There's an author here who has written a few stories who seems to have a great knack for subtle mindfucking. Let me see if i can find a link... her name is Lady Blade.. she writes amazing stories...

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/stories/s...p?storyid=1267

Um... abitbent... a good deal of these posts were in response to Kostly's comment. That's why I began going on about pain tolerance and edge play.

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Originally posted by Kostly
Males are probably more Hard core then women (let the FLAMMING begin)

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I would tend to agree with your conversational direction in that I find the more extreme to be D/s itself. I don't think this holds true for all, but it certainly does for me. Regardless, I think neither physical tolerance, mental conditioning, or the two combined is defined by any true limit within the gender spectrum... be the participants male, female, or somewhere between.

But then, this coming from a bisexual (in appetite, at least) switch who refuses to pick sides may fully invalidate my sentiment in your eyes... not that I particularly care. Though please, tell me; since you love pepperoni and pizza so much and you're not afraid of commitment, why not pick your sustenance already? :p "... Bisexual switches are just afraid of commitment. Pick a side already." What a disrespectful thing to say, much less to leave it as your signature.

Ah ok thanx kitten..... it is funny though how often the subtle is sometimes forgotten... especially online...


As for the signature... sincerely, there was no offence intended, it was merely a petty attempt at being funny. I certainly don't think bisexual switches are afraid of commitment. LOL

By the way.. your sentiment is extremely valid. It is amazing that although we all seem to feel different from the vanilla folk, within the community itself there are many facets of the lifestyle. It's funny to think that not that long ago, i felt like the only kinky person on the planet. Who knew?!?! :)

bent

Subtlety indeed. You're obviously not the only one missing it online. I read your sig, took it at face value, and was wishing I knew your Mistress' phone number... was thinking I'd like to borrow you for a weekend and have you make up for it in blood, bruises, and humiliation. :D Thank you for the explanation and the link. I'll have to check some of Lady Blade's work.

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Originally posted by Lord Thomas

Back to the original question posed by Lady Amanda.... Domming is Domming. Gender really is once again irrelavant. OK, there are physiological differences. Yes, breast bondage will be a limited use in your repertoire, but you can move on to testicular bondage easily enough. Go back to basics, find out what your masculine subby wants and needs and give it to him, just as you would were he a female submissive. Perhaps, your new boy will have a high tolerance for pain and like to see if he can snap your favorite cane with his shoulders, perhaps he is one who does not enjoy pain. Find out and enjoy him as you would any submissive.

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I would have to total agree with you Lord T. I have worked with and Toped both men and women and I would have to say that the approach I take is pretty much the same across the board. Finding what my sub wants and giving it to them. I have both male and females subs that have wanted me to delve into thier minds and take the slow, building trust, Mental aspect to it....and I have had both male and female subs that just wanted to get to the fun of a scene.

I have to admit I have fun Toping and tormenting both sexes. In general I have found men to be more focused on the sexual aspect of the scene or the relation, and women crave more of the mental aspect...but that in no way is a guarantee=) I have had female subs that just wanted me to flog and whip them then fuck them to multiple orgasims....I can also say I have had one male that I came very close to putting under collar due to the depth of the relation we had. Just as deep as a relation as I have had with any of my other slaves I had under collar in my life.

All I can say is have fun with it. Exploring and discovering your partners boundries is half the fun of any D/s relation:D

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Originally posted by Steelwhip
All I can say is have fun with it. Exploring and discovering your partners boundries is half the fun of any D/s relation:D

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Agreed, in spades.

to bring the homophobic one out of the closet.
A women Sub, I see her submission as an act of power exchange.
She is doing an act of trust.

A male sub I think he is just doing it to get laid or be near Women.Even if he allows her to mistreat him.

I don't see any kind of power exchange from a male sub to another Woman/man. when at any time the male sub can rise up and kick the stuffing out of his master/mistriss.

Now let the flamng begin.

Your post was and is offensive, on more than one level, also it is off-topic and it is an attempt to hi-jack this thread. Just like Kostly's post about pain and gender.

Could you please try to stay on topic and not be offensive towards those whom you not understand?

Sincerely,
Marcel

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Originally posted by Thingul
Your post was and is offensive, on more than one level, also it is off-topic and it is an attempt to hi-jack this thread. Just like Kostly's post about pain and gender.

Could you please try to stay on topic and not be offensive towards those whom you not understand?

Sincerely,
Marcel

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Witch thread are you refering to
1 doming a male
2 Doming a Male not for me
3 Kittenfem's date with a scorpian
4 Pain Tolerance Male or female
5 Male subs are not realy submisive.
6 your offence
I can not hijack a thread that is already highjacked.

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Originally posted by Mobius
to bring the homophobic one out of the closet.
A women Sub, I see her submission as an act of power exchange.
She is doing an act of trust.

A male sub I think he is just doing it to get laid or be near Women.Even if he allows her to mistreat him.

I don't see any kind of power exchange from a male sub to another Woman/man. when at any time the male sub can rise up and kick the stuffing out of his master/mistriss.

Now let the flamng begin.

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Oh i could go on and on in response the this one, but sooo can't be bothered even starting.

What a load of complete crap - 'nuff said.

sl

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A male sub I think he is just doing it to get laid or be near Women.Even if he allows her to mistreat him.

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LOL Mobius. I certainly don't have any trouble getting laid, where i must resort to being humiliated by women just so i can hang around them. LOL

The feelings of submission that i have predate puberty so they are deep within. I suggest probably a lot like the strange feeling homosexuals feel of being "different". It might be hard for you to understand because from your comments i can see you aren't wired this way, but just play the bdsm scene for kicks. I suppose there's nothing wrong with that, but before you flame the indians you should prolly take a look around you and see how many of us are carrying arrows. :)

I'm probably wasting my time with this post... but whatever..

bent

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I'm probably wasting my time with this post... but whatever..

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I hear you, abitbent. =)

When I first started reading and coming here to this forum, I thought I was purely submissive. Now, I'm not so sure. The stories I read where males are submissive. certainly are interesting to say the least.

As far as why some males are submissive, well that is only for them to say. We all have our own things that turn us on and only we know the motivation or reason.

Mobius I think plays the devil's advocate from time to time. He likes to rile people up.

Even if he does believe everything he says. He wouldn't say it if he weren't trying to get the pot boiling.

Am I right, Mobius?

And to get back on the thread, Lady Amanda, I would be interested in knowing what works for you with your male sub. I doubt I'll ever have the opportunity to be a dominant over a male, but I am always interested. It all interests me.

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Originally posted by woodsman'sgame
I hear you, abitbent. =)
.

Mobius I think plays the devil's advocate from time to time. He likes to rile people up.

Even if he does believe everything he says. He wouldn't say it if he weren't trying to get the pot boiling.

Am I right, Mobius?

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There are things that turn our cranks. And things that make the crank fall off. This is true for all of us not just me. No I am not into the male form.
Having said that we are all free to express what makes us all happy. So if you like a grungy guy groviling at your feet. God bless you. Have fun.

reposted from kittenfem

He is a nice looking man.

Perhaps because it is not something you understand and you should not be so judgemental about things that you do not understand.

You mentioned a man could "rise up and kick the stuffing out of his master/mistriss." Well, you know what? So could I. I took martial arts and, if I really wanted to, could beat the snot out people a lot bigger than myself. But I don't. Why? Because I am submissive.

While it is true some men may do it just to get laid but the vasy majority don't. I know plenty of men who are submissives. It takes a lot of power of the mind and heart to be a submissive and I commend any man that has the courgae to admitt that he is submissive and has the strength to do it.

Strength of a man's body is nothing compared to the mins and heart of a man who is able to submitt.

Yoiur opinions are always welcome, Mobius, but please to not critisize what you don't understand. Calling these men sissies and grungy is not right and goes beyond logical opinions... it's just being plain old mean!

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Originally posted by Finding_Fantasy
He is a nice looking man.

Your opinions are always welcome, Mobius, but please to not critisize what you don't understand. Calling these men sissies and grungy is not right and goes beyond logical opinions... it's just being plain old mean!

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First off I never said any thing about Sissy or gay.
I may have said that in the distant past but that was then. Not now.
That said, He is grungy becouse he is not clean shaven
If your going to be bald be bald. Dont do the scragly hair thing.
He looks like he was just released from a Nazi concentration camp.
No I do not like Nazi's nor do I condone any thing of that ilk.

Your are right that I dont understand the whole male submisvie thing. But I dont have a problem with it either. I dont make the rules here your better or worse half does.
I just resent that becouse of some people like it. It has to be posted with the magority.
Think of it this way and maybe you will under stand my ire.
What if a minority liked looking at (sorry Whipit) beasty sex and started posting that crap in this thread. I dont think that you would tolerate more than a couple of post before you will raise up and cast the poster asounder. Or if some one started posting scat or other distastful things in the thread.

No I am not comparing Male subs to that level of freaky ness there are not at that level at all it was only a weak attemp at making my point. I have requested that male subs be posted in there own thread and was shot down. I dont supose I have any luck now do I.

Oh well I will just shut up and crawl back under my rock until Get bored again. Beware, it's 3 day week end.watch out this troll might show up again.

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Originally posted by Mobius
Think of it this way and maybe you will under stand my ire.
What if a minority liked looking at (sorry Whipit) beasty sex and started posting that crap in this thread. I dont think that you would tolerate more than a couple of post before you will raise up and cast the poster asounder. Or if some one started posting scat or other distastful things in the thread.

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Unfortunately, Mobius, you don't know that well. If someone was posting up pictures of things I did not like such as beastiality or scat I would not complain. Why? Because I have a thing called free will and I know that, though it is posted in a public forum, I don't have to look at it.

It's like reading a news paper or watching tv. If I don't like what I see I simply just flip the page or change the channel. I will not begrudge someone else their preferences, nor will I charcterise them. If I did, I would be just like those who call us freaks because we like to be tied up, spanked, or what have you.

I am a very tolerant person when it comes to other people's fetishes and, like I said, that doesn't mean I have to look at it. Just scroll to the next picture. Hopefully it is more to the taste of the viewer.

As for the "grungy man" A little 5 o'clock shadow is far from grungy. Some women even find it sexy, especially in a darker haired man. (shrugs) To me he does not look scruffy or grungy.