*Mutters*
Serial killer? Me?
ACCIDENT
Have the streetlights failed down your road? Did you trip up the pavement in the murk?
Have you broken your arm and come to harm at home or at your place of work?
Have you had a nasty accident? Have you had cuts and bruises?
Have you been cut with a knife-here at Mafia Life we’ll get you cash when everyone else refuses.
Luigi is our head negotiator. You negotiate or Luigi takes your head.
He takes pride in his skills and he’s got a wit that kills. That and a little bit of lead.
He can find each and everybodies weakness. Usually by twisting on a limb.
If you want to claim some dosh, we’ll send Luigi and his cosh
There’s no-one can persuade as much as him.
Let me tell of the case of old Joe Baker. He doesn’t have to clock on any more.
At least he could have tried but his nerve endings have died ever since his hands got caught behind the door.
Luigi’s very proud of old Joe Baker. He saw to it old Joe’s bill was discounted.
And when he goes in old Joe’s will is a tiny codicil says Luigi can have him stuffed and mounted.
Here at Mafia Life it’s quite a famous business. We’re sure you’d recognise some of our faces.
To be certain of your recall we’ve hung several on the wall and put others in some equally obvious places.
Our business thrives on referrals from our clients. We encourage you to spread the word around.
And in case you should forget it’s a fairly even bet that you’ll spread yourself all over town.
If you like an evening out then join our bash. We’ll send a long stretch limousine for your car crash.
You will be late for the ball as you’ve become part of a wall but we promise your appearance proves a smash.
There’s money to be had for losing knees (Which reminds me Bob I need your renewal please) Or leaving parts dangling down from trees.
If your wife’s becoming droopy she could become an Accident Groupie
And get plastic bits which feel nice when you squeeze.
We promise that you’ll get 100% of any claim you make ‘cause we’re not bent.
Just to make things more exciting we put nothing down in writing
So you cannot prove a single thing we meant.
Our sales techniques have proved to be a hit. We hit anyone who seems to be too fit.
You’ll see us work the deal we’re closing as your house we are bulldozing
And we’ll leave your home a dark dank smelly pit.
So don’t believe all you see on TV. Could you trust them as much as you trust me?
Here at Mafia Life we foster your faith in La Cosa Nostra
And we sincerely hope that no-one disagrees.
Now, if you’ve thoughts of silencing the wife. You could do worse than calling Scicilian Life.
That’s our sister company and all claims are made tax free
So there’s no tax there’s no trouble and no strife.
Eh-Rabbit1-you laugha-or I breaka the knee caps!
