Blocking, Followed by Rapture

I'm looking to spice up the kink in my life.
Please bear with a bit of background...

My lovely wife and I have had an on-again, off-again BDSM relationship, throughout our 20 years of marriage. We can definitely account at least one of our children to a night of intense naughtiness.

Both of us had BDSM experience before marriage; we have been strictly monogamous since taking the vows. In our play, my wife is almost always the submissive; she has been dominant once or twice (which I enjoyed), but she generally prefers to be on the receiving end of my attentions.

Here's the problem: My wife seems to have a dual personality. She flirts with BDSM concepts, even in the company of friends; if I find a particularly "interesting" video, she's more than happy to watch it -- after, of course, chiding me not to look for such things. I show her a video with horses and bound women, and she'd spell-bound (if I can get her to start watchign it!) Her major complaint about BDSM videos is too much spanking and not enough intercourse; she likes to watch tied-up women having rough sex.

Getting her to live out her fantasies has always been a struggle. She'll "help" me buy rope, then she'll ask me not to tie her up. She'll comment on something she'd like to do, then back out at the last minute. Given how much I love this woman, I'm reluctant to force her -- even when she has stated clearly she wants something, but then "changes her mind" at the last second.

It's like she feels guilt for wanting an intense orgasm, but once she gets one, she can't stop begging for them. In one session a couple of years ago, I collapsed of exhaustion after she'd come over a dozen times in one evening. This is so damned sexy, I'm addicted; in fact, I'm obsessed with my wife of two decades, which is a tad odd given current social norms in the U.S.

Do I assume that she teases because she wants to be forced a bit? It seems like the more she declares her enjoyment of an activity (nipple torture and breast binding, for example), the more she resists the next time I suggest it.

Or is she just remembering her Catholic upbringing? That Catholic guilt can be strong stuff... ;)

I'm interested in opinions.

Hi Shadoom,

Have you sat down and talked to her? I mean really talked to her?I know I felt guilty about my submissive desires for a long time. (Catholic too) Have you two discussed it thoroughly? Until the last few years I would not have been comfortable really talking about it, but hell I felt guilty for masturbating for years (even when my hubby wanted me to). For me it was the Catholic upbringing. The older I get the more I realize that the guilt that was drummed into my brain about sexuality was wrong. Thank God I had enough sense not to drum a lot of this guilt into my own kids. If I had followed what the church taught me I would have been repressed sexually and been a poor partner for my husband. Thank God (Yes I believe in God) that my sexual drive was stronger than the guilt, and I was able to enjoy sex with my husband despite my upbringing.
My hubby and I tried the BDSM stuff on and off over the years too, but I didn't let him know that I felt guilty. I kept it in because I knew that it would make him stop if he knew and deep down I didn't want him to stop. I was torn between the desire and the guilt. Now I know that there was nothing wrong with the desire. Just because someone else doesn't like it doesn't mean it's wrong. Why do we judge people on their sexual preferences? We don't think someone is evil or sick because he likes boxing or football and they are very violent sports. Why am I evil or sick because I like to be tied up and spanked or whipped? Why is my husband evil because he likes to fulfill my fantasya nd gets turned on by it? I'm much less likely to end up with a broken arm or leg after playing my game than a football player is after playing his.
Maybe your wife is feeling a lot of the things I felt. Coming to this site and seeing that a lot of people with happy marriages and/or stable relationships enjoy BDSM and seeing that they are sane, happy people helped me a lot. Has she been to this site and done some reading in the forum? That may help her feel more comfortable.
Just some possibilities for you to consider.
By the way, my hubby and I have been married for 30 years. Congratulations on your twenty.