Would this be a good or bad idea?

Okay, yet another question from this novice master, here goes:

My love tends to be pretty indecisive. Our relationship currently is pretty complicated, we love each other but there are some outside sources that are hindering our relationship and I feel that some decisions need to be made, or answers given. She can get upset sometimes when I bring some of this stuff up so I try to talk to her about it in doses(Mostly dealing with attachment to an ex, fear of trusting me, and moving forward in our relationship(ie living together)), but she continues to be indecisive and I really need some conclusions to draw from.

My question is this. I was considering tieing her up and telling her 'I'm going to leave you here for X amount of time. I'm going to come back and ask you a question, I want an answer. If you fail to answer the question I'll add a tool of persuasion to help you come to a decision.' The tools being anything from ice cubes and cloths pins to vibrators and spanking. Basically a torture/interrogation kind of technique. If she fails to answer I'd do something or add something to her, and tell her 'I'll leave you here to think about what I just asked you, I'll come back in X amount of time and expect and answer.' If she doesn't give me the answer I'll add something and continue this process until I get the answers I desire. After she answers a question, I'll give her some kind of release, fucking her, allowing her to orgasm, something, I'll kind of wing it as I go. Another question about this would be other ways I could torture her in this setting without having to spend money on stuff, and she's a sado-masochist so I don't know how well pain will work though. I want to give her pleasure through this, I'm not really sure how I should work this.

Now this could be quite enjoyable but I wonder if this is something that is wrong? It kind of seems like training yet it can harsh since these questions I have for her can be touchy at times. I'm concered that this perhaps may not be a good venue for it, but I am not sure honestly if it would or not. This is not something I have really done before, but this could work to mine and her gain, but since these questions can be touchy, it could cross some boundries. I don't want to force her to make a decision if she truely cannot make one at this time, and in the past when I tried to make her come to a decision, her decision sway to cut me out, since it was easiest that way though she didn't want to do it, but I want something to go on.

Advice? Discuss.

Hmmmm, my personal feeling is that this sort of discussion should take place with you as 'equals', not in a bdsm 'play' situation. They should be carefully considered descions, not ones taken because she has to jump one way or the other because she is being tortured to give an answer.

I can understand your frustration though. Why not just give her a time limit within which she must decide?

Am looking forward to seeing what others think.

cariad

Yeah, I think your probably right, though it could be fun, it would be better to just talk about it, especially now that I go back and read my post. Now I have to figure out a reason to torture her, cause that really sounds like fun. I had doubts about the plan in the first place, so that's really the tell tale sign there huh? Yeah, I'm a newb. I'd still like to hear additional feedback though.

Oh, and I'm getting impatient because pretty much we have been at a stand still for about 2 months. She cannot give me answers other than 'I don't know,' and thus far like I said, when I push the subject it ends up pushing her away, extremely frustrating when we are in love as much as we are, yet things arn't progressing.

Okay - this may sound a little radical - but how about because you both enjoy it?

cariad

Hehe, true enough I suppose. I like to be methodical at times.

With the seriousness of and implications these questions have, I think they would be better discussed outside of BDSM activities. You don't really want to force an answer from her she doesn't or isn't ready to give, do you? Just my opinion.

i love what you have written here Church, but i have to say i agree with the others - in something as serious as this, that will affect the rest of your lives together, i think that a good, long conversation as equals is in order. Perhaps there are other issues which have not come up yet, that are hindering the decision.

i would, however, suggest that you do play out your scenario with another question - something fun like where do you want to go for supper tonite? you have a fabulous imagination with your scenario there and if she is really that indecisive, then this will work just the same...imagine taking it further and carrying on with some stuff in the restaurant of her choice!

yummy!

Quote:

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i would, however, suggest that you do play out your scenario with another question - something fun like where do you want to go for supper tonite? you have a fabulous imagination with your scenario there and if she is really that indecisive, then this will work just the same...imagine taking it further and carrying on with some stuff in the restaurant of her choice!

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*big grin*...I really have trouble deciding now and I wonder why...;)

Nice scenario! But yeah, I'd leave it for another subject.

If you are having serious relationship/communication problems, mixing them up with BDSM (or sex in general) is a very bad idea. Honestly, it will only cause more trust problems for her if you force her to talk about issues that she isn't ready to talk about (without considering her emotional needs or hesitations), or if she is being punished for something that is pretty vague to begin with. I'm also concerned about your statement "If she doesn't give me the answer I'll add something and continue this process until I get the answers I desire." You desire? Wouldn't you rather have her tell you the truth, rather than what you want to hear?

If she clams up whenver you try to talk about anything serious, then you have a red flag on your hands that you need to discuss as equals. She needs to have time to really consider her answers and why she feels the way she does, as well as your patience, support, and love. You won't get an honest conversation with her if she's tied, whipped, and fucked into cooperation. If you continue with the BDSM play, do so because you both enjoy it, not because you want to force answers out of her.
-Phantome

Thanks everyone. I'm glad I followed my gut feeling and inquired about it. The orginal idea wasn't to get her to 'do what I want' or 'say what I want' but to have her make decisions and curb her indecisiveness, though it was revelent to some big stuff.

Good information and advice!

As for using this scenerio still, definatly a must. I need to figure out how to use it by tomarrow or saturday! I'm very surprised I thought of this and am finding that I am having coming up with the running activity, as for questioning, such as going out to eat as mentioned is a good idea, but won't work too well since we do not live together. Anyone ahve other suggestions?

Hmm, relationship not progressing eh?

Do relationships need to progress? You sure things aren't OK already?

Sure it's not your own urgency? :confused:

If she needs time, give it to her- that's all I know. You can't rush these things.

Everything is probably going just fine. :wave:

Tojo

Although I agree with the others that this topic is far too serious to discuss during a BDSM session, you could use BDSM to help her work on her indecisiveness in general if that is a character trait of hers. You can create little subbie dilemmas for her, and force her to make choices. For example, one of my dom's favorites since he knows I hate to beg - is to tease me relentlessly and then tell me I can beg to be allowed to orgasm or beg for him to stop teasing me - my choice. You could have her choose between two implements of torture, between 5 days of orgasm denial or hours of forced orgasms, etc. The point is to force her to make difficult decisions about your play situtations.

fantassy

Church, I tried something similar with my sub and I got the answers that I wanted but when we returned to r/l he didn't follow through. He played through it. I'm sure because he liked the torture.
I do have an answer for you but I cannot give it to you here but if you would like to PM me I will share.