I think I need help...

Hi, I’m new, here & rather inexperienced. Recently, I mustered up enough courage to talk to my husband about wanting to try bondage. Fortunately, he has always fantasized about trying it, too. (Big sigh of relief) Too bad it took me 4 years to talk to him.

OK, here’s my problem. We are both subs. How does that work??? I mean, I never thought about that being a possibility. We talked about it & decided to try the whole switching thing, but since I never tried it, I don’t know what to do to him. Please, if anyone has any suggestions, they would be greatly appreciated.

Kell

Do not try switching just to effect fantasy. It doesn't work very well. You will be left wanting, or worse, very uncomfortable.

Try this instead:

Go to your local adult fetish/toy/book store and get the information for your local BDSM/fetish societies and events. It is very likely you have one where you live, no matter where you are. If you don't, the nearest large city will.

Attend some munches, get to know you sessions and maybe a play party or two. Get to know people, talk to them and understand how they do things and how they got started.

When you and your husband have made some friends at the events and in the society, politely ask one or more of them to help you with your fantasies. You'll be surprised at how many people are more than willing to jump at the chance to get their paws on the new flesh.

More importantly, there are just as many dominant couples as their are submissive couples, probably more, since submissives tend to gravitate toward dominant relationships.

Most importantly, my advice to you and your husband is this: If you cannot fulfill each others' fantasies personally, then find someone who can. Just keep in mind that each of you comes first in thew other's heart and mind.


Eventually, one or both of you may even become owned by another person or couple. This is fine. Much experience may be gained from this. I would suggest finding someone or a couple wiling to take the both of you, though. You don't want to be the one having all the fun, now do you? Likewise, you wouldn't want him to have all the fun either.

After a suitable time in the service of others, one of you might like to begin to learn to be more dominant. If that occurs, ask the person or people you have chosen to help you to teach one of you the art. I'm sure they'd be willing and, since it will be your husband practicing on you, or vice versa, you will know one another and each others' comfort level well enough to really have a good start at it.

Go from there.

Tie him down face up on the bed. Play with him but don't let him cum. Keep this up until he's begging you. Then see how much he really wants it by sitting on his face and making him lick and suck you to climax. While he's doing that, pay just enough attention to him to keep him nice and hard. If he pleases you then you can reward him. Hopefully he won't.

Something else you can try sometime is blindfold him, use some silly putty in his ears to block out sound, and then put some of those shooting ear muffs on him. Now, all the sensations he gets are what you want him to have.

Strip him, tie his hands behind him around the kitchen table leg and eat dinner. Once in awhile you can reach down and feed him. Make sure he cleans your fingers when you're through feeding him.

If he has a lot of hair on his body, use some nair and get rid of all his body hair.

Foot worship is nice too. While you have him tied down "let" him suck each of your toes. Don't hurry. You're in control and with him being tied up he's not going anywhere.

Lot's of other things you can do with candles, clothespins, etc.

... I might have missed something, but I don't remember her saying she was dominant.

I also don't remember her listing her specific interests and fetishes.

I suggest getting to know your target audience a little better before offering specific advice. After all, what works for you doesn't necessarily turn her crank.

Although, good suggestions, even if they're probably not for her, but for yourself.

BDSM_Tourguide-


Thank you, I think that is a great suggestion, my only concern is that we both agreed, in the beginning, that we would never bring someone else into our relationship. When we first met, my closest friends were just beginning to bring another woman into their marriage. After seeing the disaster that followed, it really strengthened our resolve on that issue. He’s also pretty uncomfortable talking to other people about it, so I know he won’t go for doing that, in person, at least. Do you know of anywhere online we might be able to go?

Also, I must apologize. I believe I may have misrepresented myself on my first post. My husband does tend to be more dominant than me, but he still likes to be submissive. I do like switching, plus, the added bonus is that he gets even with me for whatever I do.

Thank you, though. I do appreciate your post, it was well thought out & I would definitely follow your advice, but my husband is not quite as open as I am.

dixie-

Thank you for your suggestions. Silly Putty? Wow. I haven’t played with that in years. Who knew it has so many uses?

She said, "I don’t know what to do to him" so I answered her question. Gee whiz, tourguide, lighten up.

I know that the discussion is getting off the topic of help and onto argument as so many topics seem to do, but i'm competly with TG (thats tourguide of course) on this one. If you're both submissive, don't try and hide it. If you can't find a personal dom in BDSM clubs or events, consider a professional establishment?!

sounds like fun though, wish i was in that situation mm.. two subs

You guys crack me up! Really, I just want pointers, any kind of suggestions are quite welcome, I'm OK with the whole switching thing, honest. (I would put a smiley face here, but I'm not so great with computers, but trust me, I'm smiling.)

Kellevyn,

Why don't you and hubby read the milder stories in the library and see what appeals to you both. I've gotten some nice ideas from the "romantic" stories.

I wonder if Kellevyn is still out there somewhere, and if her and her partner ever got their situation worked out?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BDSM_Tourguide

I wonder if Kellevyn is still out there somewhere, and if her and her partner ever got their situation worked out?

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Good question TG. Theirs is not that an uncommon story. It would be interesting to hear how its going and what they have done to make things work.

And I have to say your reply was right on the money. ;)

Sometimes just getting the advice needed is enough. Tour guide you gave great advice. I had to find out with alot of failures. It took awhile to find the right mate(s). I could of used the use of this forum a long time ago instead guessing on available options with no real direction. but tis life.