How do you know if you're suited for 24/7 submission?

Just a Q to those who've committed themselves to 24/7 submission, be it as a sub or a slave. How did you know, or what told you, that such a life was the one for you? I've heard that common indicators are the overwhelming desire to serve, or to have every aspect of you controlled by that certain person, or to feel immense satisfaction from pleasing your partner even at the expense of your own pleasure/convenience. But yet, isn't it also true that it takes a great deal of time and effort to learn to put the other party's desires above yours? And also that 24/7 subs have their moments when they do not like what is going on, or wish that their M/D would dominate them in a 'fun' way instead of all the drudgery, etc?

So how do you know, if you are just going through a stage of learning, and that you would truly find happiness in 24/7? Or if, on the other hand, such a lifestyle isn't for you, and you would be happier as a 'scene submissive' or 'bottom' etc instead?

Personally I couldn't be a 24/7 sub. Firstly because we have kids about and normal life wouldn't allow it to be possible.

But i don't think i would like to be a sub all the time. I really enjoy being a sub at weekends and in the bedroom, even then you need to know each other extremely well and be happy to talk about your likes dislikes and absolute no no's so that you don't go too far.

Not really sure if that has helped in any way.

i agree with ljd. if your way of living permits it...and a 24/7 D/s relationship is what you are looking for, then more power to you. i actually envy people who are in the lifestyle 24/7. but like ljd said, sometimes everyday life just doesn't permit it. the kids are a big factor, of course. also those of us with vanilla spouses...that kinda tends to hinder the idea. my husband has expressed an interest in BDSM and, bless his heart, he does try...and is learning. i know this may sound weird, but for me, with him, i've known him for so long as NOT being dominant in any way...so even if he does continue to have an interest in BDSM, i honestly couldn't see it being more than just a play time thing with us. unfortunately...

although, i have had a successful D/s relationship before that was pretty damn near to being 24/7. but see, i had met the guy as a dominant and couldn't picture him any other way. i hope this makes sense. lol i do tend to go on at times!

Ah, when I say 24/7 I don't necessarily mean being nude or even calling him Master all the time. It just means having him be in control all the time, even though it is pushed a little beneath the surface when necessary (the kids around, etc). Ummm as an example.. I suppose a 'scene sub' would play equal part in negotiating a scene -- when it is done and what is done, at least the basics. There is no 'training' or actual 'discipline/punishment', as there is no ongoing submission. Whereas on the other hand even if the '24/7 sub' could not express her submission openly at certain times, he decides what happens and when. He decides whether or not they play, and what happens in the play (within the sub's hard limits of course). There is also actual 'discipline/punishment', which translates to 'things the sub does not like'. That's my (rather long-winded) opinion of it, at least.

Indeed, hellish one, I totally get your point. :) I too would feel exceedingly weird if a previously entirely vanilla relationship/friendship/whatever turned into BDSM. Lol.

Like any other relationship, a 24/7 is defined by the people involved. i would be most unsuited to a 24/7 with anyone else, but with the Dragon, it simply is the only dynamic that feels natural and right.
"Punishment" is not a part of our interactions. There has never been a need. At the slightest sign of disapproval or disappointment and i begin to beat myself up (figuratively speaking) to the point that physical "discipline" would be superfluous.
And he does allow me a generous amount of input into most facets of our lives, while i retain autonomy in my professional life. But even in the facets where his control is less than obvious, it is a constant in my mind that i am his property 24/7. And i wouldn't have it any other way.

Desire to serve and desire to serve 24/7 everyday are two very different things.

First question anyone needs to ask themselves: Is this *really* what I want, or am I just trying to live up to what may be an unrealistic idea?

This should be asked from both the sub and the Dom. Being a sub 24/7 isn't easy, but needing to 24/7 be the one in charge isn't everybody's cup of tea either. I think overall the idea is probably just that for probably 95%+ of D/s couples, an idea.

Personally, and not all agree with this (which is fine, th ecommunity has somethign for everyone), but for me vanilla existance some of the time just isn't that bad an idea. The Lifestyle is an augmentation of it for me, not an outright replacement.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Dragon's muse

Like any other relationship, a 24/7 is defined by the people involved.

---

I fully agree with Dragon's muse. The people involved in a relationship are the only ones who should define it.

I feel that the relationship that Master and i have is more than just "occasional" and that we are as close (or closer) to a 24/7 relationship then ever before. Some would disagree with that but, in my mind; it isn't the proximity to the physical person but the love, care, guidance, and service to the person on a minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day basis. Yes, we only meet occasionally, we only scene occasionally. But, each day, in 99% of the items i do i am fully aware of his guidance, direction, wishes and pleasures. From what i eat, to what i spend my free time doing, to how i care for the kids, etc., Master provides the directional source and helps me to define myself better as the person i desire to be. Basically, there is nothing that i do that i don't mentally "check" to see if Master would approve of or disapprove of.

So, just my opinion, but it isn't the time frame or the location of how a 24/7 relationship should be defined but the service/guidance that is provided in that same time frame. If that makes any sense!

As to how do you know if you are suited to a 24/7 lifestyle. That is defined, once again, by each person. But, from a submissive standpoint, imho, a good question to help determine would be something along the lines of "Do i naturally think of how my Dom/me would want me to behave, respond, etc. or do i respond how i want without any conscience thought of their guidance?" If the sub naturally refers to the Dom/me in most/all situations then a 24/7 relationship wouldn't be much of a stretch. If the sub prefers to "ask for forgiveness later" than a 24/7 relationship would probably not be for them. At least that how i would decide! :)

An article with some food for thought. 24/7 sub or slave? Things to consider...

So you want to be a slave: The Realities

by miria hunter

I decided to write this article because I have seen so many submissives come into the lifestyle expecting everything to be dream-like and perfect. I don't wish to ruin anyone's dreams, or turn them from the activity, but what I wish to do is to explain how things really are. Being a slave can be, and is for me, a wonderful life. It's everything I wanted it to be. It is also more than I ever expected, and had someone explained the realities to me prior to my decision, it would have made my transition so much easier. For the purpose of this article, I am addressing issues related to being a 24/7 slave. These comments are from my viewpoint, which is that of a female slave with a male Master. By no means do I wish to exclude Domme's or male slaves. For them, I cannot comment from personal experience. This is just my view from a real-time experience.

First, there are a few things you need to discover for and about yourself. Do you wish to be in this type relationship 24/7? Perhaps you only wish to be in it during the scenes. Maybe you want to role-play at only during certain times. There are many ways this activity can be done, but you have to figure out what is right for you.

Second, you need to learn to be honest with yourself. Figure out what you will and will not do, and what is a "maybe". Search inside yourself for what you really want, and when you find it, be honest to anyone you talk to. Don't agree to something long-term that you know you will not be able accomplish. Ask yourself some hard questions. The rest of this article will give you aspects to contemplate so you can base your decisions on reality, and not someone else's dreams of how it should be.

Are you prepared to surrender 100% control of your life to someone else? 24/7 slaves do this. Role-playing would mean entering into this relationship only for the time agreed upon that the Master would have the total control. Once the scene is over, everything returns to normal.

Do you enjoy country music? Maybe you love Rock and Roll. Consider this. The Master who's collar you will eventually wear, may only like classical or another type of music that you don't enjoy. Are you prepared to give up those selections and only listen to His music? This type sacrifice can apply to many other things you currently enjoy. For myself, I love old love songs of any type, and my Master is into Hard Rock. Because of His preferences, I rarely get to listen to my songs. But, when I am a good girl, at times, He does permit me to listen to my choice of music, as long as I get my assigned tasks and chores done. Note, I said, "permitted to". Something as simple as listening to the radio is a reward for me. It is not a given that you will be permitted to enjoy even this little pleasure whenever you wish. These limitations can apply to many areas of your life such as TV, choices of food or friends, just about anywhere anything!

Is there a certain style of clothes you love? Certain colors and scents you wouldn't be caught without? If your Master doesn't approve of them, you may be wearing a totally different style with colors you never would have dreamed of. He may lay your clothes out for you every morning. Are you prepared to abide happily by His choices? If He asked you to wear something very skimpy to someplace simple like the grocery store, could you do this without hesitation? I am lucky in the fact that my Master lets me chose my own clothes most of the time. But at anytime, should He decide that He wants me to wear something else, I am to change immediately. Trust me, He does exercise this right. I have learned to always ask Him what He would like me to wear if we are going someplace special.

Are you prepared to change your hairstyle, length, or color to please your Master? All of these will belong to Him once you accept your collar as will everything else that once belonged to you. You will no longer own anything. From the time you take His collar, everything will be His. It will no longer be "your" car or "your" clothes, but "His", on loan to you as He sees fit. If He should so choose, you will not be permitted to wear clothes at all. This will be HIS choice, not yours. Remember, you will have given up all rights to make these choices for yourself.

You have a favorite chair, or a certain way you like to sit or walk? Your Master will decide whether you sit on furniture or on the floor. He will have the say if you are to cross your legs, or sit with them spread wide-open. You will have to ask permission to even climb into bed, or sit on a chair. Most slaves are allowed a cushion on the floor that they do not need permission to sit upon, but very little else. You will even need permission to eat at the table with your Master.

It's been a long hard day at work. You get home and want nothing more than to relax in a tub and go to bed early. Well, you won't be able to. Being tired, ill, or just in a bad mood does not excuse you from your required tasks. You are still required to do them: prepare His meal, and go to bed when HE tells you to. Retiring for bed usually occurs at a set time, even if you are not ready to go. There will not be an "I am too tired" or "I don't feel well": nothing of the kind. Unless your Master has excused you from your tasks and chores, you will remain responsible for making sure His needs and wants are filled: no matter what. It is your job to inform your Master of your physical health status. One of your main jobs will be to take care of and protect, His possessions. You being are the most prized one He owns. As long as you let your Master know how you are feeling, He will make sure that your tasks will be appropriate to your capabilities.

Many come into this lifestyle looking to be used sexually, to service their Master at His whim. They never consider other aspects. The main part of being a slave is to be of service to your Master, and not to be serviced for yourself. However, being readily available to Him at ALL times is also an unspoken expectation. The old excuse "not tonight dear, I have a headache" doesn't work in a D/s relationship. In order to provide Him pleasure, you must also express to Him the pleasure of the moment for you as well. NEVER make your Master feel this is a chore to you: something you would rather not do, but will only because you have to. If your Master tells you to do something, it will not be up to you to question Him. You will be required to respond with no questions asked. At a later time (if this is permitted in your relationship), you may ask Him for permission to speak on an equal level. If He gives permission, this will be your opportunity to ask your questions. However, it is important to ask in a way so as not to question His authority, but at the same time to satisfy your curiosity.

Do you feel being a slave is to be coerced: forced into servitude? Do you think you couldn't do this unless you were? Then think again. Slaves enter into this relationship of their own free will. This is not the day of forced slavery; it is a matter of choice. YOURS! You are the one who will decide to give over your power to your Master. You will be doing this, not because you are forced to obey, but because you need to. Yes, during the course of your relationship there will be times you will be forced to do something, but it will never be something that goes against who you are. Your Master may feel obeying this command will help you to grow into the best person you can be, or will help you break out of an inhibition you have.

How is your temper? Are you quick to fly off-of-the-handle when you are upset? Or are you laid back, accepting anything and everything, and then go off to sulk because your feelings were hurt? A Master does not wish to have a doormat for a slave nor does He desire to be told how things should be. Learning when and how to say things will become very important in your relationship. If you do not tell your Master when something is bothering you, then you have no right whatsoever to become upset. However wonderful and omnipotent He may seem, He is not a mind reader: unless you tell Him, He won't know. The key, as I said a moment ago, is in how you tell Him.

Your self-discipline is very important in this relationship. Do you tend to put things off until the last possible moment? You won't be able to do this when you are owned. There will be chores and tasks your Master will assign that He expects to be done in a timely fashion set by Him, not by you. Your Master's wants and needs will be put before your own. Self-discipline is similar to self-control. Your ability to follow complete assignments made by your Master will be very important. As a slave, you will need to be able to control your own actions well enough to be able to remain within the boundaries set for you by Him. If He says you can't do something, simply, you can't. Doing it anyway, and not telling Him doesn't make it right. In the case of a Master/slave relationship, what you don't know CAN hurt you, as well as the relationship you have worked so hard to build. Even a simple "white lie" can destroy the trust so necessary to really establish this type relationship.

As to wants and needs of your own: do you know the difference between the two? If not, I strongly recommend you figure them out before entering into servitude. Sometimes the two are hard to distinguish, but it will become important that you do so. Your Master will ensure all your "needs" are taken care of, but the "wants" will be His to allow or not, as He sees fit. Needs are the necessities of life that are required in order for us to remain mentally and physically healthy. They allow us to grow emotionally and spiritually. If you can survive without something, then it is a want. Wants are usually given as a reward for good behavior.

In order to be a slave, there will be many things you have to learn to accept within yourself and adapt to. Your primary purpose in life will be to see to your Masters pleasure (both mentally and physically) in any manner He should desire. In order to do this, you will have to learn your Master well. Find out what pleases and displeases Him. By this, I do not mean just sexually. You will learn that sex is but a small part of your relationship. Learn to anticipate His every need and desire without being pushy. Hi needs and desires will encompass intellectual stimulation, physical pleasure, emotional support, and many other things unique to Him. Remember - physical does not equal sexual. Physical pleasure may include, but is not limited to, touch, favorite foods, textures, clothing, and colors as examples. It will be your job to make sure His physical pleasures are met in everyway. Think of the five senses, and make His environment pleasing to all of them. Never forget - the most pleasing thing in His environment should be you.

As His slave, it will be up to you to figure out what pleases your Master. He should not have to ask constantly for the basic things - you should have learned them. If His glass is empty, quietly and unobtrusively refill it. Remember, you are doing this for His pleasure not your own. Just because He does not notice and praise you doesn't mean you are doing it wrong. Look at His smile. Is He comfortable? If He looks happy and content, then you have done well, and should bask in His content. Always remember that you do this for Him and not for your own satisfaction. Your happiness should come from serving Him and His being happy.

As I said in the beginning of this article, I am not trying to scare you away from the world of D/s. My goal is to make sure that, when you enter our lifestyle, you do so with your eyes wide open, fully knowing what to expect. The road will not be an easy one. You will have to re-learn much of what you once took for granted: things you just did without thinking, like simply sitting in a chair. These are habits we never even think about anymore. That is, until we find a Master.

Everything else you learned before reading this article is probably true. Being a slave is a wonderful life: one where you are taken care of. Most decisions are out of your hands and in those of your Masters. But, many choices will still be left up to you. Most Masters want a slave who is smart, has a sense of humor, and a will of their own. There is no pleasure in owning a doormat who just sits or is only walked upon. He will become bored very fast. Being yourself is the best advice I was given, and I have found this to be absolutely true for me.

You will find being a slave everything you dreamed of and so much more if you enter this life knowing more of what to expect. If you are meant to be in the lifestyle, you will find that, where you were once only walked through life, you will be gliding on air. Parts of you that never were complete will then become whole. In relinquishing control, I have found freedom: freedom to find and be the person I am inside.

It is my hope that, after reading this article, you will be able to make a more informed choice about entering this lifestyle. Never forget that, one of the most important requirements for existing in this lifestyle is honesty. Honesty with yourself first. However, you will find that this is not as easy as it sounds. Once you learn to do this, you will find yourself at peace and able to enter your servitude with clearer mind, knowing where you are and where you want to be. When you accept your Masters collar, you give up all your rights. Your friends, your life - nothing will remain yours. Being a slave means giving up so much more than you would if you were only being submissive. You give up all rights in your life. Slave isn't just a word; it's a way of life, a defined action. Be well, my friend, and I hope you enjoy this lifestyle as much as I have come to love being in it.

Ricks's miria

Anyone wishing to use this article on their site or mailing list may do so as long as my name and email address remain on them. Giving credit where it belongs.

Reproduced by kind permission of ©Ricks's miria

Ruby,

Respectfully, that is a very interesting article. My only problem with it is that is portrays M/s relationships in cookie cutter mode. i would still maintain that every relationship --lifestyle or otherwise -- is defined by those in them. Different Masters have different levels of expectations, differing levels of protocols desired. 24/7, at least in our house, is as much about mindset as it is about anything else.

Just my tuppence. Your mileage may vary.

muse

I agree with you, muse.

I chose this article because it's written from miria's perspective and asks questions as if someone wanted to step into her life.

So often, the "cookie-cutter" approach to BDSM is a fantasty that needs to be shattered so the real life fun can begin. And if there are couples going for that cookie-cutter fantasy, more power to them. We should all be careful what we wish for, in case we receive it in abundance.

To your continued happiness,

Ruby

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Dragon's muse

Ruby,

Respectfully, that is a very interesting article. My only problem with it is that is portrays M/s relationships in cookie cutter mode. i would still maintain that every relationship --lifestyle or otherwise -- is defined by those in them. Different Masters have different levels of expectations, differing levels of protocols desired. 24/7, at least in our house, is as much about mindset as it is about anything else.

Just my tuppence. Your mileage may vary.

muse

---

I think I've seen that article before somewhere because I remember specifically the paragraph about music, and music your master likes, as a potential consequence in 24/7 D/s. I know it might sound a bit funny but being told, "You can never listen to Band X that you really like, because I think they suck and don't want to hear it," might actually be a deal breaker for me.

What can I say, I enjoy my music.

just on my level, if i did anyting 24/7, it would be predictable and boring. i love chocolate but not 24/7, i love spending time with me kids but not 24/7. if i love doing something, i dont want it to do me head in. quality over quantity for me!
s_s

I say I'm 24/7, but really that is a misnomer because like many have stated you can't do something for 24 hours a day. Life is busy and we submissives/slaves have many roles that define us as people. For me I'm a mother, a student, a Christian, a friend, a daughter, a sister, and yes a submissive to my Master. I also have many roles other than slave to my Dom. I am also his best friend, partner, and lover. I can't live my life and be in total submission to him 24/7 unless I gave up my life, which I'm not willing to do.He is always no matter what my Dom, he does own me and I am his property. However, we operate our lives according to the guidelines and negotiations we have set forth in our contract and through discussions that we have daily.

I was living with my boyfriend at the time that I was introduced. He had been experienced in bdsm for at least five years. When he introduced it to me I had been 24/7 from the get go. After a while I learned the other aspects of bdsm besides r/l.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by ljd

Personally I couldn't be a 24/7 sub. Firstly because we have kids about and normal life wouldn't allow it to be possible.

But i don't think i would like to be a sub all the time. I really enjoy being a sub at weekends and in the bedroom, even then you need to know each other extremely well and be happy to talk about your likes dislikes and absolute no no's so that you don't go too far.

---

I don't understand the conflict. My slave is my 24/7 slave and we've both got hectic lives. All being my slave means, is that my word is law. It doesn't mean anything else. If she is tired and all she wants and needs is a massage in the bath; she doesn't stop being my slave because I comply. I know I can use her any way I please at all times. But sometimes it isn't practical so I don't.

What I'm assuming you mean is that you don't like being a slave 24/7, which is completly different than can't. I guess there'd be a conflict if your Master was a total idiot who can't gauge the simplest emotional state of his slave. But I couldn't for the life of me understand why a woman would submit to such a man.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by just_annie

... each day, in 99% of the items i do i am fully aware of his guidance, direction, wishes and pleasures... Master provides the directional source and helps me to define myself better as the person i desire to be. Basically, there is nothing that i do that i don't mentally "check" to see if Master would approve of or disapprove of.

---

I had to say EXACTLY!

In everything I do, I act as though Master were there... because anyway He will find out everything... I spill my own beans... lol... but that's not the point...

I know He wants His slave to be the best she can be, and He's given me specifics on how He wants me to be- nailpolish color, style of dress, etc... - and so I am not "doing D/s 24-7", more simply, I am Master's slave. That is not a vacillating state of being. So I have to agree with Tom...

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by TomOfSweden

...I don't understand the conflict. My slave is my 24/7 slave and we've both got hectic lives. All being my slave means, is that my word is law. It doesn't mean anything else. If she is tired and all she wants and needs is a massage in the bath; she doesn't stop being my slave because I comply...

---

Now, I don't yet live with Master- so maybe some would think me naive yet, but I have been there every weekend in full, with and without my two-year-old... and nothing in any second ever changed...

Because it's not something we "do" 24-7 or just on the weekends or whatever, it is just who we are, who we are meant to be to and for each other. Period.

I never even fully understood the term "24-7" in respect to D/s... not judging anyone, but I just don't understand its being described that way.

Even when in past vanilla relationships, I was still a slave inside (albeit non-practicing lol)... just waiting and hoping for that Master (who I had begun to believe was a pipe dream) who could bring her out.

And lastly... this relationship would not be possible for me without the love. Being owned and collared to me equals being loved. I know how much Master loves me and will and does take care of me. I'm His. Not His toy or part-time pet, but just His.

Hope it made sense to you, and was possibly insightful, phantasy_seeker.

And- RUBY- I loved the article- I found it very accurate on the concept of being a slave- the details don't matter- they will vary... but the entire sentiment was very fitting for me. Thank you for sharing!

Hmm, i know I couldn't do it 24/7. i like my freedom and independence first and foremost, and i feel i'd give more to it if i ever was at the point here it just seemed like a chore, like i think it would be 24/7. Do none of the 24/7 couples worry about whether their daughters would pick up some...maybe too non-equalist outlooks on life? i don't mean that as an insult, i'm just curious.

I'm in the lifestyle 24/7 - I love it to bits.

At first, we just scened and I knew that wasn't enough, I wanted to serve and please my Master all the time. It was hard putting all His needs above my own, and I do struggle occassionally, but in time, that will decrease.

Of course there are times where I just don't want to [not very often to be honest] but I pull myself through that and I am so proud of myself, as is my Master, when I do so.