Sbbe Stories From the Academy

This is a story submitted by SBBE, She has done a set of five unrelated stories. I wanted to share this here as she had some wonderful ideas that left me feeling rather hot. She asked for feedback on how the readers felt about her work at the end and I thought it would be nice if the readers of the forum here had a chance to see her work in case they missed her post.

So fellow readers how did you feel about her work? Did it leave you looking for the next in the series ?

Sbbe Stories From the Academy

Synopsis: I’m a member of the Academy-- http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/academy/ I do tasks for Taskmasters and have a lot of what I call Sbbe Stories. A Task Master thinks up the idea for the task and then I as a performer, am privileged to perform it. I want to share the little stories that come from the tasks. Enjoy.

http://www.bdsmlibrary.com/stories/w...p?storyid=4771

I have read these stories of course ---and I must say I was very impressed at the idea and the thinking behind this ---SBBE is one of my favorite writers here and she has a great team mate in Hawk in some of the other stories.

I would say this is a must read for those who are in the Academy anyway ---

Sbbe has a wonderful imagination. I think the only real critique I could offer is a need to work on her punctuation and varying her sentence structure. Too many of her sentences follow the same "noun-verb" pattern. Shaking it up a bit can create some added tension to an already good story.

Wow, I didn't even know this was here and was thinking about posting this question.

I've had two people say the stories were lacking because of there short length.

I'm open to critisism too. Sorry Maddie, giggling I'm working on that grammer.
Thank you for the kind comments.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by StillBehindBlueEyes

Wow, I didn't even know this was here and was thinking about posting this question.

I've had two people say the stories were lacking because of there short length.

I'm open to critisism too. Sorry Maddie, giggling I'm working on that grammer.
Thank you for the kind comments.

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I'm reposting this again because I'm really curious about an answer. Thanks

Only through the first so far (started a new job, so time's a bit more limited suddenly) but it seems really nice. Suggestions on it: First, talk more about feelings/attitudes/etc...I was able to infer some things from the text, but the end -- after the photographer had left -- was the first time any discomfort with him was really made plain (before it was only 'nervous')

"I realized I didn’t even feel awkward now as I slowly stretched flipping. I heard a snap and smiled seductively as I used my body to tempt." Seems awkward - 'Flipping' was vague (flipping positions? over? him off?) and I didn't understand the snap (I assume a joint, but not sure...at odds with seductive? I don't know).

At two or three points in the story you also switch from 1st to 3rd person, and there was one your that should be you're...otherwise pretty clean, technically.

I didn't find the length at all bad. Yes, I'd love to hear more, always, and I think more could be said, but it wasn't in any way incomplete.

Thank you, I'll look at it. I'm always open for comments.