(Throughout this article, I assume that the person being tied up is a sub. This is not necessarily true, but it’s the easiest way I found to refer to that person.)
The ‘b’ in BDSM is, as some of you already know, a subject near and dear to my heart. Bondage. Tying someone up, restricting their movements, making someone completely vulnerable. The mere thought gives many of us goosebumps, at the very least.
There are six basic types of bondage: pulling parts of the body together, spreading parts of the body apart, tying a body to something, suspending a body, restricting movement (i.e. hobble skirts or handcuffs), and wrapping the body in bindings. (OK, some of you more pedantic types might say that the last two are fundamentally part of other types, but I’m leaving them there.)
What is it about bondage that makes it so attractive to so many people? For many, there’s a rush in giving over control to someone, allowing themselves to be made vulnerable, even helpless. On the other side, it’s taking someone and leading them down a path that you control. As a result, it’s often incorporated into a BDSM scene that relates to helplessness. There may or may not be sexual contact involved.
Methods
Verbal bondage is the most simple, yet potentially the most powerful form of bondage. Once put in a particular position, the sub is told not to move. Verbal bondage, I think, is a nice way to start because it isn’t physically binding. It’s less intimidating. There’s little chance of physical harm with verbal bondage, unless the other person does something stupid. It can also provide a very emotional experience as the sub works to fulfill the order to not move.
Physical bondage can be done several ways:
- tying together of the hands and/or feet
- anchoring the hands to the front, back, or sides
- spread eagle
- hogtie
Regardless of whether you use verbal or physical bondage, it’s important to remember to be careful not to put too much strain on the sub’s joints. More on safety later.
You don’t have to know how to do really intricate knots to tie someone up. Nor do you need expensive materials. For hands or feet being bound together, a long scarf, a pair of nylons, or a necktie work just as well and can feel quite nice against the skin. They even add a bit of a personal touch. There is a bit of a thrill to seeing a man whisk off his tie, knowing he’s about to use it to tie you up.
If you opt to use rope, find rope that’s not going to fray easily and feels good against your skin, at least to start. Don’t be shy! Go to the home improvement store near you and rub it against your skin. The nook of your elbow is a good place. It’s sensitive, but not overly so.
There are a variety of sources online that show how to tie someone up. Do a search on your favorite search engine and you’ll find bunches of them. Some have pictures and instructions.
BDSM can be a very powerful experience. The power exchange involved can create strong emotional reactions. Bondage, even if it’s just tying your girlfriend’s hands and having sex with her, requires a considerable amount of trust from all involved.
The philosopher Michel Foucault did some exploration into BDSM on an intellectual level and was very curious about the power relations involved in bondage. He was particularly curious about a “limit experience”, that fine line between intense pleasure and intense pain. It’s a dangerous journey, but it can be very rewarding if done right.
Safety
Have a safe word. They are not for wusses. Have one. USE IT. Have a hand signal, too, for when the sub is gagged. Safe words/signals are your friend. You have not failed if you use it.
Don’t put too much strain on the sub’s joints. Allow time for the sub to become accustomed to the position. Remember that what’s comfortable now isn’t necessarily comfortable after twenty minutes.
Never, EVER leave a person who is bound and gagged unattended.
Don’t forget to set up a safe word.
Pay attention to your body, if you’re the one being tied up. Things to watch for: tingling, numbness, and coldness. These mean the restraints are pressing on a nerve. If you experience any tingling, numbness, or coldness, tell your partner. You may wish to have a “yellow light” safe word for this sort of situation.
Never put anything over both a sub’s nose and mouth. Keep one uncovered at all times. If your sub has a cold or is, for whatever reason, unable to breathe properly through the nose and you still want to use a gag, find one of those ball gags that has holes in it.
Have a safe word. USE IT. Don’t think that just because you’ve been with your partner for a long time or because you’ve done a particular scene or activity before means it’ll go just as well this time.
Self-bondage is quite appealing to some, but carries many risks. In the U.S. alone, 500-1000 people die annually from causes that are eventually determined to be related to self-bondage gone wrong. If you feel the need to engage in self-bondage, it’s best to avoid strict self-bondage (when you have no means of escape until a particular event occurs or a specific amount of time has passed). If you really feel you have to do that, give yourself an out, but attach a penalty to that escape method. For instance, put a second handcuff key in a small bowl of paint. Trust me. You’ll appreciate this if you’re tied up and there’s a fire.
Autoerotic asphyxiation is particularly dangerous. People die from it. Cutting off the oxygen supply to your body can seriously damage your brain. Strangling might seem like it could be fun, but it can lead to brain damage and heart attacks. KNOW YOUR RISKS. If you choose to engage in this, be very careful. Research it thoroughly. Make sure you are NEVER alone. Whoever is with you needs to know CPR and how to deal with heart attacks.
Keep scissors on hand. There are special bandage scissors that are made so that you can cut through bandages without cutting into the skin. They’re not that expensive. Invest in a pair.
Did I mention having a safe word? Because you should have one.
Further reading:
Michel Foucault: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michel_Foucault
http://www.londonfetishscene.com/wip....php/Main_Page
http://www.xeromag.com/fvbdsm.html
