Remorse

*I wrote this just now, I think it still needs work...here it is anyway.


Sprawled on the bed
Laying face down in the darkness
My bottom a beacon of red

Whimpering on reflection
Of the naughty deed that I did

Not allowed to touch
Oh so tempting
To feel His marks

My mind in torment
Guilt setting in

I feel His gaze
Glaring at His painted canvass
Wanting to touch me
Showing a Dominant's restraint

Making me learn the hard way
My wanting to make amends

My heart crying out
In solitude
Although He is there

Touch me...
Caress me...
Want me....

I clench the sheets
Tormented, knuckles white

I've learnt my lesson
Forgive me.

I lay as still as can be
Trying to mask my sobs

My body and mind relaxing
Feeling his hand stroke my hair.
With a simple gesture reclaimed

Allowing me to see Him
Turning me as He kisses
The tears from my eyes
"You are forgiven My pet."


~A

November 5th, 2006.

The images are great. They speak volumes. The underlying tension is handled pretty well also. THe only thing that strikes me is there is something not right with the rythmn after the stanza
"Touch me...
Caress me...
Want me...."

Either the rythmn breaks and never returns or it gets slightly out of step with the previous lines.

Now, this might have been intentional to create a deeper sense of discomfort or it might be just a place the work needs some fine tuning.

Either way I think you have a great piece of work.

TDS

I loved it. You captured the emotions of a punished sub so very well.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by lily{M_B}

I loved it. You captured the emotions of a punished sub so very well.

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Definitely!

That was great!

*hugs* thanks Aall for your comments and thoughts. xx

Yes what lily said!! Wonderful poem *hugsssss*

Truly an amazing work incredulous. You should be proud of it :)

Conjurs up many a feeling for me, on both sides of my switch coin. Lovely work.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by incredulousangel

Touch me...
Caress me...
Want me....

I clench the sheets
Tormented, knuckles white

---

and

Quote:

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Originally Posted by incredulousangel

With a simple gesture reclaimed

---

I yearned with you and my heart swelled with relief and completeness with you. Lovely. Touched. Thank you.

Oh my.....

My angel expresses her emotions and mine so well. finaly got to read this would never open for me no idea why but it was worth waiting for love the bottom a red beacon wonderful image that well done angel you made me proud your my sub