Describing Men

(hope this is the right forum for this)

I am a man, and I try my hand at writing stories here. I have been justly criticised in the past for the description of the participants in my stories. I usually end up writing a lavish, (hopefully) erotic description of the woman involved and then pretty much end up adding "oh, and there was a guy there too. He had brown hair". Which, understandably, leaves any women reading the story a bit short-changed.

I'm currently writing another story where a man and a woman meet up and I want to break this pattern, by trying to describe the guy. Now I can imagine a guy in my head and produce a physical description, but I guess what I really want to do is provide an erotic description of him, as a desirable man. So I want to ask the women on this forum what I should be looking to describe.

So what should I be looking to mention? His eyes, his smile, the shape of his face, the style of his hair? It gets trickier (in my opinion) when I need to describe him naked - should I mention the texture of his skin, the amount of hair, the tone of his muscles, the shape of his ass?

I must admit this probably reveals a lack of knowledge about what women are looking for in real-life (but hey, that's even better to learn!). I've always been happy enough that they'll sleep with me and don't run away when I get naked that I wasn't too concerned about the particulars :)

All responses welcome, from women or knowledgeable men (or any gay men, for that matter).

Edit: Something I forgot to mention - does it make any difference to the answer whether he's a sub or a dom?

From my experience in writing descriptive narration, when you write, apply the the idea that you can make them... see, smell, taste, touch or hear. For the description of a man. Many women like the idea of well muscled, but not swollen. The idea of Mr Olympia isn't what allot of women like, they prefer the more sculpted v shape, with bulges, but not to the point that the guy cant touch his own shoulders.

So if I were to describe a man...

-----
He walks into the room, the light behind him highlighting his chiseled features. Strong arms and large hands on narrow hips. As he approaches her, each muscle in well toned thighs ripple with flexing of each step. Stopping he towers over her, and reaches down and effortlessly scoops her up into his large protective arms. She is cradled against his sculpted chest. and her hip is against his member causing them both to feel a stirring below. She could smell his strong musk sent. Arrousing her desires for him even further.
----

As the scene progressed you could become more descriptive, if she were to touch his head, talk about how the hair flows through her fingers, if she handles his dick, talk about how it feels in her hands, if she gives him a blow job, talk about how it feels in her mouth.

Remember the senses we use to experience our surroundings, and write for the senses. The mind of the reader will better experience each scene if you do.

V/R
ID

From my perspective, if I were to describe a guy in one of my stories, (and I usually go for my ideal when writing anyway) I try to go realistically. It's going to be someone that I might actually meet, have a chance with.

He's strong, but not obviously so, his skin is soft and if she were to run her fingertips over his arms, the muscles are hinted at but not bulging out in the relaxed state of his arm. His shoulders are broad, but not musclely or boney. There are wisps of dark hair on his chest, a dark trail leading down to a soft tummy that quivers slightly when he laughs. His strong fingers intertwine around her smaller fingers with ease, his warm gaze catches her eyes and she has to smile at him.

It sounds mushy and romantic. It is. There's a reason so many romance novels are sold. Even kinky women want romance. A warm look on his face can easily shift into stern and serious as he shifts into a more dominant mode.

Thank you for your responses. I do prefer to describe realistic peoples rather than ideals (unless the story has a need for the latter). I feel I should have been a little clearer - what I am interesting to know is not specifically whether say, having muscles good, but whether mentioning what his muscles are like is good. Does that make sense? Your responses help though, I might just give it a bash and see what happens.

I like to under describe, it lets the reader develop their own picture. You just have to get whatever you need described (one eyed, gimp legged with parrot claws stuck in his left shoulder), what is important to the story, done early, so the reader doesn't have to change images half way through the read. (what do ya mean he had a bright red beard??) Whenever possible allow actions and dialogue to do the heavy lifting on your description. ( his good right eye followed the squawking parrots path as it drunkenly wobbled toward a perch on his shoulder). If you keep your descriptions minimal readers will develop characters they can empathize with both physically and emotionally
Of course that's just me and there are other schools of thought.;)
Mad Lews

"does it make any difference to the answer whether he's a sub or a dom?"

Yes, it does. Details of his apperance, manerism and behaviour that stress his role are very helpfull in getting the feel of the character. You need not follow the stereotypes - but, since I beleive that the 'feel' of characters and situations is paramount a few details give more volume and emotions to the story. I think that is what readers, especialy female ones, need to register the story as hot.


I am with Md Lews on under descibing. Provide just a few details and let the reader build up on that.

I'm with Mad Lews and pejanon that physical descriptions are best kept minimal, so the reader can fill in details. My dream guy, for instance, always has short hair. So unless it's crucial to the story that he be shaggy, I would prefer that detail left to my imagination. I feel the same way about descriptions of women, especially when male writers start speculating on dress size, measurements, etc. Way too specific, IMO.

There are a few things that are probably universally attractive--a strong, nice-smelling man is always a good hero. But it might be better to start with the way a woman wants to *feel*, and particularly, the way you want the woman in your story to feel. Strong muscles and soft skin=safe and secure. Gentle hands and an easy smile=relaxed and comfortable. Chiseled body and inscrutable eyes... you get the idea. The words should point toward the guy's character.

Also, I personally like the contrast between men and women. I'm not a particularly delicate woman, and my partner isn't Mr. Universe, but I'm soft enough and he's hard enough that there's a noticable contrast between us. I liked ID's "effortlessly scoops her up" and sheepishone's "strong fingers" wrapping around smaller ones. It's not the specific details, it's the aura.

Probably for erotica, it's best to keep physical description to a minimum, as others have suggested. Different people find different things attractive. For example, I wouldn't be at all interested in IDCrewDawg's example. Too much emphasis on muscle and chest, etc. for me. I'm much more drawn to men with a dancer's body, and I'm particularly partial to men who do have a bit of curve - usually their butt. Focusing on the usual triangular shape tends to turn me off.

Overall, I find physical descriptions that involve emotions: voice, facial expression, etc. much more interesting than a something that's purely physical.

I can't think of an example offhand.

Also, sensory details are useful: I like IDCrewDawg's note of the musky scent. Add in all the senses, and since we're dealing with erotica, don't forget taste. What's the texture of the skin, lips? The timber of the voice or the sound of his hand swooshing through the air, the gasps in his breath? The scent of his breath (not always great) and skin? The taste of his tongue... The flash in his eyes, the widening of them in sudden fear, closing them in pleasure.

And it really depends a lot on point of view. Anything can be erotic if your point of view character finds it erotic and can show this eroticism. Similarly, you're not going to know much about what the point of view character looks like to the other character(s). So think: what does *this* character find erotic, and then go from there.

I know that for me, the emotional situation and the BDSM elements are far more important than what someone looks like (I've dated, and enjoyed dating, two people who, on first site, I found absolutely repulsive compared to what I normally like), and that as I get to become attracted to someone, their appearance becomes attractive to me even if it wasn't at first.

I've also written some stories where ugliness was part of the point. Most of these were written before I knew about BDSM or what my particular tastes were, and in one non-consensual piece, a Goddess rapes a human in the guise of something he finds absolutely repulsive. The repulsivness was part of the punishment. Consider also things like Titania and Bottom in A Midsummer Night's Dream. Or alternatively, a dominant woman making the man ugly through clothes that aren't flattering, etc.

To revise my original thought: only include detailed physical appearance if it's important to the plot/eroticism of the piece. This can mean either the point of view character describing what it is about the appearance that turns him/her on or the opposite and having them have to deal with being turned on by someone they *don't* find physically attractive, and what that does, especially if this "ugly" thing (such as a wart) becomes something that later is the thing that turns them on through remembering the experience.

I think everyone is on target with their ideas and suggestions. One thing that I have found useful is to actually solicit some suggestions from known readers of the type of prose you are wanting to write. Now, I am by no means and expert on this subject, but it seems to me if I want to figure out what makes something attractive to readers, I ask the readers.

This kind of seques into my next suggestion and that is to write some diffent styles of the descriptions you are working on and post them here. Solicit from really useful critiques from some of the people here. I can almost guarantee that some of them are not only excellent authors, but are also quite qualified as experts in what women want to read in erotica!

Just my two cents

Maybe it's possible to "describe" your man through the other character(s) reactions to him, which might allow you to make more than simply physically attractive. How his body/eyes/muscles/cock/breath/voice/touch etc makes them feel....perhaps think about what it is that your female partners find attractive in you (surely you've asked? Grin) "I love your..." "I love it when you...." Your....makes me....."

Maybe. Or pick a film star/tv star you think is the right type for your story and try to describe him - but just generalise him enough to make him non-specific.

Good advice. I will come back to this thread when I get around to putting a man in one of my stories in more than a vague supporting role.

For my part though I go with the minimalist approach. I prefer to let the reader fill in the blanks with what gets them wet rather than describe an inconsequential trait that may put them off.

I found this very interesting, and I can identify with somewriter's problem. I'm sure I'll encounter the same difficulties. It the same with trying to describe how women think and react. I have been taken to task a lot over that sort of thing ... just because I think a BJ is fantastic sex, it doesn't follow that girls do ... after all, they get jaw ache, gag and have icky stuff shot into their mouths and down their throats. But I didn't realise this ... at least, not then. So, like TheDeSade says, I solicit other opinions.

(I feel a fraud at this point: I've only just started writing - what do I know?)

To continue ...

What does it feel like in the mouth, then? I have to be told or I have to reveal my lack of knowledge in a document which will scream out my ignorance ever after.

It seems to me to be a good policy only to describe what you need to ... then in the revisions, gather up these descriptions and position them early on in the story, so as to meet Mad Lews's objections about changing images.

TYWD